Monday, July 31, 2006

Poor APA.



I am still snickering at last night's Entourage. Not at the whole episode. At one great Ari ejaculation in particular: "Who the f!@k invited APA?" I burst out laughing. I had to rewind it, and watch Jeremy Piven deliver that line again. Apparently Gersh and Paradigm didn't even rate a courtesy call.

In addition, I still love LLOYD!!! Who else can take a stapler on the bum like he can?

"Miller-Gold." It's not just a beer anymore.

Christmas in July

I have decided to get my parents a group therapy session for Christmas this year. Goodness knows they need it. To make sure they actually go to the session, I will be attending it with them when I go home for Holiday Break. One, my presence will actually make it a group, instead of just Mummy and Grammy. Two, I might have to drive them there under duress, as I doubt they would go willingly. Neither of them would ever go voluntarily (Mummy) or quietly (Grammy). They aren't actively opposed to the concept of therapy, like it's heresy or blasphemy or some other assault on their Christian beliefs. They just don't see the purpose of sitting in a room telling a stranger their family problems. And let me tell you, they have a whole heap of problems. But they never talk about them out loud. God forbid they have an actual conversation about the issues that come with sharing a house with your elderly mother, or your retiring daughter. No, keep it bottled up inside, then have crazy outbursts at inopportune times (i.e. my Kente graduation ceremony).

The logistics of this will be sticky. Mainly because I don't know of any therapists either here in LA or in St. Thomas. Good ones aren't easy to find, like servants. It's hard enough getting a referral for a doctor or dentist that you end up liking. But how are you supposed to ask your friends and colleagues, "Do you know a good shrink?" It would be more embarassing for them than for me. Besides the fact that going to therapy in LA is like getting your nails done or your bikini line waxed: it's simply good grooming...for the mind. Although, I don't do either of the above things for various reasons, including that I heard an urban legend about a woman going to a nail salon and getting herpes on her hands from the infected equipment. Ew. She couldn't touch her children again, or anyone else, without gloves. So sad.

Anyway. Mummy, Grammy, shrink. I will need to research psychologists/psychiatrists in St. Thomas, then see if I can get an appointment one of them in December, along with a festive gift certificate to celebrate the holiday season. I will also have to do this without any of Mummy or Grammy's associates alerting them to my Ambush-My-Parents-into-Group-Therapy plan. It sounds bad when you write it out like that. They need it, we need it, and I know they aren't going to be thrilled about the idea. However, as I'm sure both Mummy and Grammy have both said in reference to me during my upbringing, they will thank me for it later.

Saturday, July 29, 2006

Mystery writer seeks short, round, male companion.


As I watch possibly my fifth episode of Murder, She Wrote, today, I realize that Patton Oswalt is totally a young Seth Hazlitt. If I were Jessica Fletcher, I'd love to have Patton around, letting himself into my house every day to eat my food, and helping me solve crimes in the murderous little town of Cabot Cove, Maine. Besides the obvious physical similarities, Seth and Patton both seem like such kind gentlemen. I wouldn't mind sharing a large piece of pie with either of them.

Friday, July 28, 2006

Things on my mind today.

I would link to news articles or websites, but really. Be a better person than I am, and take the initiative to look them up yourselves. Google has been a verb for years now. Do it.

  • The ongoing occupation of Iraq. More US troops are being sent to the country. Many troops who are already there are being sent to Baghdad, as the death toll has remained steady at 100 people per day every day for the past five months. Additionally, almost any troops who previously had been promised to come home this year are now having their tours of duty extended indefinitely. Mission Accomplished indeed.
  • Israel vs. Hezbollah, and all of the unfortunate people caught in between.
  • My new blog! It's so awesome.
  • Gaming for girls. Why can't ladies get any love from the video game industry? I don't remember where I read this, or who said it, but, every guy who is willing and able a video platform already has. The industry has exhausted the male market, so only females--over 51% of the US population--are left. I wish more entertainment marketing people would listen to me. I have good ideas. :(
  • ICM buys BWCS. According to a Defamer rumor, the subsequent layoffs ALLEGEDLY occured via email. Klassy.
  • Why Moms are Weird. Apparently pamie's new book follows the travails of some chica named Benny. What happened to Anna K? I liked her. Harumph.
  • It's terribly hot outside, yet quite chilly indeed at my desk. If only I could transfer some of this excess conditioned-air to the people literally dying of heat stroke in hundreds in California. Then I can send my uneaten food to the starving people in China. And in Africa. And down the street.
  • When is Can't Get a Date coming back to VH1? I love that show. How many episodes of My Fair Brady must they thrust in my face till I get my dateless brethren back on my tv screen?
  • 30 Days is back. Better than ever? Well, I liked the first episode of the season: Immigration; but I will save my overall judgment for later.

Dear Lance Bass,


Your Big Gay Announcement will never make me forget the following:

  • Your (unintentionally) comedic masterpiece On the Line, a movie that you not only starred in, but also executive produced, in which you and infamous Joey "525,600 minutes!" Fatone chased Emanuelle "Snow Day" Chriqui around some random city.
  • Your failed attempt to become an astronaut--excuse me, cosmonaut. What, NASA wasn't good enough for you, you had to go into space with some Russians?
  • Your perpetually frosted blonde hair, which has varied in length and shades of yellow over the past 10 years.
  • Your makeout scene with Beverley "Saw II" Mitchell on 7th Heaven.
  • Your highly publicized "just friends"hip with Danielle "Topanga" Fishel, when Boy Meets World and *NSync were both cool.

Your fan, until you start eating babies for attention,

Bianca Erin-Dempsey

P.S. Joey, don't think I forgot My Big Fat Greek Life. This Odd Couple sitcom remake better be good; you and Lance are both on notice.

Thursday, July 27, 2006

First Post Ever

So much to say, so little time.

This is my first post on my very own blog. I am so proud of me! Hooray, Bianca. You have finally entered the golden age of self-righteous internet postings.

Soon I will share my thoughts on the GAYness of Lance Bass, as if we didn't already know he liked the menfolk in a very special way. I thought that was confirmed when he appeared on Kathy Griffin's show with the rest of her gays.

Whoever is reading my blog at the moment, I have no idea why. Do you like penguins, or is your name Steve? Either way, welcome, and thanks for reading.