Sunday, June 27, 2010

More hatin' on Entourage



"How about Scorsese's movie with Vince ends up being a big hit? Vince wins an Oscar?"

"Oh yeah!"

"God, it's the same idea you just had. Fantastic!"


Oh, Entourage.

.

Saturday, June 26, 2010

"Brought to you by Coca-Cola."

The Daily Show With Jon StewartMon - Thurs 11p / 10c
World Cup 2010: Into Africa - Goal Diggers
www.thedailyshow.com
Daily Show Full EpisodesPolitical HumorTea Party


Nkosinathi Jikeka, street vendor: "FIFA has imposed a one kilometer radius from the stadium where street vendors will not be allowed to trade. People that have been preferred in this World Cup will be the McDonald's, the Coca-Colas, and all these European companies. Then you tell me, what is African about that?"

John Oliver, Daily Show correspondent: "Well, let me put it to you this way. What's more African than the subjugation of black people?"


It's funny because it's true.

~

In happier news, I present to you a post from pandafix, via Jezebel commenter CubeRootOfPi: 18 Baby Pandas: Adorable Photos!.




.

Friday, June 25, 2010

"Lunchus Interruptus"


Ten chapters completed in Bianca Reagan: Where The Action Is! An excerpt from Ch. 05:


“What is your role in The Good Senator’s office?” I asked Benjamin.

“Bianca.” He took a chomp of his Philly cheesesteak.

I waited for him to chew and swallow. “Benjamin?”

“I’m The Good Senator’s right hand man.”

“I thought you were Cassandra’s assistant.”

Mike snorted grains of garlic rice out of his nose. Cassandra tried to hide her amusement by looking away from Benjamin and fixating on her meal.

“I don’t like to limit myself with labels. I work with Cassandra, so it’s a team effort, per se. She rocks out the day-to-day stuff. Right, Cassandra?”

“Yup.”

“On the flipside of that coin, I’m more the action guy. Innovation. Synergy. Git ‘er done. That’s what I’m talking about.”

“Hmm,” I packaged the rest of my food in an eco-friendly take-out box for later.

“I’m a forward thinker. In other words, I move the team forward,” Benjamin gesticulated. “Inasmuch as I’m involved with The Good Senator during that point in time, and so forth.”

“Very important work,” Cassandra winked at me.

Benjamin ingested more of his greasy sandwich. “At the end of the day, we make laws.”

We? I didn’t consider myself a C-SPAN enthusiast, but during the few times I had watched what I liked to call The Men’s Wearhouse Security Camera network, I had never seen Benjamin deliberating on the Senate floor.

“I’m taking The Good Senator to a whole ‘nother level.”

“What level would that be?” I asked him. A squeak escaped from Mike, followed by a series of forced coughs from Cassandra to cover her guffaws. Benjamin was too busy building momentum to notice.

“We're going viral. We're taking it to the streets. He’s going to be a national figure on the main stage. I want every family in America talking about Senator Nate Summerfield, make him a household name.”

“Ambitious.”

“Coke. Nate Summerfield.” He drew Venn diagram circles in the air. “Nike. Nate Summerfield. McDonald’s. Nate Summerfield.”

“Just do it,” I said with a straight face. “I’m loving it.”

“We’re shooting to the top, Bianca. President Nate Summerfield.” His pointer finger stabbed the tabletop with each word. “That’s what I’m talking about. Like I always say—”

“So, Bianca,” Cassandra cut in. “Mike tells us that you work at Shake?”


.

Thursday, June 24, 2010

Who does he think he is? Cher?



Harry who? Son omits Reid name from campaign ad, by Rachel Rose Hartman, Yahoo! News.

Rory 2010? Is one of the Gilmores running for governor?

.

I want to see his scatting and jazz hands.




Skip to 6:10 for the NSFW reference.

From Rob O'Reilly's "About Me":


I love puns, board games, pandas, netflix, sushi, Wilco, Lupe Fiasco, We Are Scientists, New Pornographers, 30 Rock, Arrested Development, Extras and the Office. I also like girls who like those things.


I like nine of those things! Also, he totally does look like "Harry Potter and John Lennon had a baby."

.

"You don't know me. You have no idea."

Jokes.com
Ryan Hamilton - White Chris Rock
comedians.comedycentral.com
Futurama New EpisodesUgly AmericansFunny TV Comedy Blog


I think I do, Ryan. I think I do. Leper, greasy cell phone, sarcasm in a heel click? Been there, done that.

.

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

"It happens when you're not looking."


I don't know how many times I have heard the sayings below and wanted to tell the other person, in the words of Julia Sugarbaker, "You're full of crap."

19 Things You Should Never Say to a Single Person, by Erin Meanley, Glamour via MSN Relationships (sent to me by my similarly single friend from her married brother. Thank you, friend!). An excerpt:


1. It happens when you're not looking.
"This is just bull. Some people find people when they're looking; some don't. You're not doing anything wrong by going out and meeting people." —Beth

2. There are plenty of fish in the sea.
"I dated a guy whose last name was Fish. People just had a BLAST with that one." —Kelly

3. So, why are you single?
"I generally dislike this question. I mean honestly, if I knew why, I don't think I would be single right now, now would I?!" —Erica

4. You're too picky.
"This may be true, but it feels like I'm getting criticized for my taste, vision, and close-mindedness — when I'm already down." —Sarah

[ . . . ]

8. Just have fun with it!
"Um, don't tell me how to date in my thirties when you got married at 24." —Maya

9. Have you tried online dating?
"Duh!" —Elisa


And my favorite:


11. Well, when my boyfriend and I first got together…
"Wait, I still want to talk about me." —Elisa


Exactly. We were talking about me and my problems, not you and your . . . Oh, you've got to talk to someone else who's across the room? Great. Ciao.

I know that they are usually trying to be cheerful, or they don't know anything helpful to say otherwise. But mainly, I need someone to acknowledge that I'm in a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad situation. I don't need someone to tell me, "when the time is right, you will meet someone," unless they know when the exact time is and why it is not now.

.

Monday, June 21, 2010

My favorite part of Please Give


He's so dreamy, though I could do without the scruffy soul patch. And he's representing for all the short guys:



So, Please Give takes a few jabs at your height, but what the film fails to mention is that Rebecca Hall might be an actual giantess.

[Laughs] That would just take away from all the comedic aspects of our relationship.


How tall is she?

I’m not sure. I know that I wasn’t necessarily short enough, or as short as Nicole Holofcener wanted the character to be. I’m, like, 5’7”, but Nicole said that when she found guys who were shorter, they had weird arms. [Laughs] So she didn’t choose them.


Had you ever felt like your height got in the way when you went up for roles?

I never felt that way, only because some of my favorite actors are my height or shorter. Dustin Hoffman is a perfect example of that. I think it takes a certain sense of confidence to allow my height to be made fun of without developing a Napoleon complex, and my character has that confidence and I think I have it a little bit.


I also enjoyed the cranky old lady, even though half of the cast was hoping her character would die:



.

Sunday, June 20, 2010

"Money, money, money, money, money."




- from the mixed-up files of Janeane Garofalo

On a lighter note from "Garofalo", as she calls herself:





I keep the 20, too. (At 4:40.) It's right here, on my belly. I'm ready to work. Where indeed is my kudos from Siskel and Ebert?


.

Thursday, June 17, 2010

The dumbness of the Atlantic

The Colbert ReportMon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
Testoster-Ruin - Hanna Rosin
www.colbertnation.com
Colbert Report Full EpisodesPolitical HumorFox News


Stephen Colbert Is Fighting Male Oppression and Men Are Over. Except At The Top., by Irin, Jezebel.


Is economic and social change fast disadvantaging men, creating a female-dominated society?

The question is posed on the cover of this year's Atlantic Ideas issue, pegged to a piece by Hanna Rosin arguing as much.



And direct from the article's mouth:


Earlier this year, women became the majority of the workforce for the first time in U.S. history. Most managers are now women too. And for every two men who get a college degree this year, three women will do the same. For years, women’s progress has been cast as a struggle for equality. But what if equality isn’t the end point? What if modern, postindustrial society is simply better suited to women? A report on the unprecedented role reversal now under way— and its vast cultural consequences



"What is equality isn't the end point"? And "unprecedented role reversal" with "vast cultural consequences"?

It's always nice when women like Hanna Rosin step on the backs of other women to make a name for themselves by creating irresponsible, propagandist media.

The premise of this front page article is completely ridiculous. Ms. Rosin should take a look at Samantha Bee's report on how difficult it is to be a man in America. (Spoiler alert! Not very difficult at all.)

This comment from Jezebel sums up my feelings. Warning: salty language ahead.


All of these end-of-men articles sound the same to me. "For the first time in human history, men don't have absolute dominance in all areas of public life. What are we doing wrong?!?!"

Give me a fuckin' break.



Also, from the first video at 3:15, I would love to acquire a baby girl from China, where "every checkout counter has Take a Daughter, Leave a Daughter tray." However, Stephen should review the requirements from the China Center of Adoption, which no longer allows single persons (or other freaks of nature) to adopt babies from China, despite the country's high supply of unwanted girl babies. Boo.


.

Who let all these brown people on Top Chef?



Five! Out of 17! That's . . . hold on one moment . . . (carry the 4; add the 2; yes, I graduated from elementary school) . . . 29 percent brown people!

You can learn more about Timothy, Tiffany, Tamesha, Kevin (the “Barack Obama of the cooking game”?), and Kenny on Bravo's Top Chef website. There's also Angelo, but he's too full of himself for my taste. And let us not forget Arnold, the token Asian person. Like his predecessors, will Arnold be short-tempered like Dale, manic like Hung, or angry and forgettable like Gene?

Take note, other television shows I watch. You can have lots of colorful people on the screen at the same time in significant roles, and still have a well-written, succesful program. Seven seasons of Top Chef? Crazy.

.

Monday, June 14, 2010

"Oh, here comes the chubby funster."




For some reason, I've been into Ricky Gervais's comedic works over the past few days. My renewed interest started with Extras last week and has now expanded into reruns of The Office (UK). Jim and Pam are funnier in British.

Also, for you history fans out there, a bit about Rosa Parks:





.

Saturday, June 12, 2010

"This should be on TLC!!"




If only they were big, or little, or fertile, or into baking cakes.

I discovered this pilot while watching a rerun of The Wendy Williams Show featuring Marlee Matlin. I would continue watching more episodes. Although I do share the reaction of one of the YouTube commenters:


Excuse me wtf is blackhood???


I have no idea. I'll bring it up at the next meeting.

.

Tuesday, June 08, 2010

"Everything from China is tainted with communism"?

The Daily Show With Jon StewartMon - Thurs 11p / 10c
Socialism Studies
www.thedailyshow.com
Daily Show Full EpisodesPolitical HumorTea Party


The best part of this video is the girl wearing the pink panda shirt unironically. I like when she and her classmates laugh at Aasif's memories of parachute pants and ABBA.

The second best part of this video: Jay Chen, my official new blog crush. You've got some work to do, former #1 blog crush Jay Smooth.

.

It sounds like a older version of The Real World,



except less colorful, in every sense of the word (Is it really 2010?):

Rycroft pads resume, by Michael Schneider, Variety.

Melissa Rycroft has gone from contestant on "The Bachelor" to host of the dating competish's spinoff, "Bachelor Pad."

Rycroft will serve as host alongside "The Bachelor's" Chris Harrison.

[ . . . ]

"Bachelor Pad" premieres at 8 p.m. Aug. 9, once "The Bachelorette" completes its run. Show features past contestants and suitors from previous seasons of "The Bachelor" and "The Bachelorette" as they live in a mansion together and compete for $250,000 and another chance at finding love.



Also, I thought the title of the article was in an adjective-noun-verb arrangement, not a noun-verb-noun arrangement, but I was mistaken. Meaning, her pads aren't resuming; she is padding her résumé. Because it's the Bachelor "Pad". Puns. Homophones.

.

Monday, June 07, 2010

Marky Mark needs to work on his apology skills.




First, this happens:




Dude, this is probably going to be Tom Felton's only movie award ever. Unless you readers predict he'll be in a breakout role five years from now that provides more name recognition than "that blond guy from Harry Potter", I think he'll be retiring with his millions and appearing in character roles on the telly. Why did Mr. Wahlberg feel the need to hog all the screen time while our British friend was trying to thank his mother?

This is the "apology" that followed outside:





Seriously, Mark. Throw Tom a walk-on role on Entourage. Or at least tell him to say hi to his mother for you:




.

Sunday, June 06, 2010

It's nice to see the over-40 crowd still moving and shaking.



And by "nice", I mean "scary." It has been a while, bless their hearts. Your body doesn't always work like you remember it did back in the day. This is not Mission: Impossible Tom Cruise. This is pushing-50 Tom Cruise. That man adopted a questionable accent and mannerisms, then jumped off a trampoline onto the stage. I was concerned that he or J.Lo would pull something with all that jumping and gyrating. Neither of them are Jack Palance at the 1992 Oscar Awards. He was a spry 73.

.

Thursday, June 03, 2010

Tuesday, June 01, 2010

"Coitus Interruptus"



Eight chapters completed in the sequel to to Steve the Penguin! The tentative title of the second novel is now Bianca Reagan: Where The Action Is. An excerpt from Ch. 03:


SandyBeachGirl99: my nephew's birthday party wasn’t that bad. most of Mormon people were nice.


DannyOcean1112: we usually are


SandyBeachGirl99: it was more the not fitting in with my own family


SandyBeachGirl99: they moved to a new town without telling me


SandyBeachGirl99: not to mention the wedding they had 15 years ago without inviting me


DannyOcean1112: do you really want to play the Compare Families game?


SandyBeachGirl99: you win every time


DannyOcean1112: sister was in the pokey. brother with the gambling addiction. both still on probation, wondering what to do with their little ones at home


DannyOcean1112: now my sister is back on house arrest with the ankle bracelet.


DannyOcean1112: can you beat that?


SandyBeachGirl99: let me think. no.


SandyBeachGirl99: but I still wish I could be closer to my niece, considering she only lives an hour away


DannyOcean1112: you are making an effort. I know your niece appreciates it.


SandyBeachGirl99: I’m taking her and her friend to see a movie next month. the remake of Dance ‘til Dawn


DannyOcean1112: that TV movie from the 80s?


SandyBeachGirl99: yep, but this time it’s on the big screen, starring the usual suspects from every teen show on the primetime lineup. I think we’ll have a good time.


DannyOcean1112: well there you go. you’re the fun aunt


DannyOcean1112: i don’t get to be the fun uncle. i’m the responsible one. i am the one stable role model my nieces and nephews have.


SandyBeachGirl99: I know they appreciate you.


SandyBeachGirl99: hold on. phone call.


SandyBeachGirl99: talk amongst yourself


DannyOcean1112: give me a topic


SandyBeachGirl99: Rhode Island is neither a road, nor an island. Discuss.



.

Being someone's worst nightmare



I watched an excerpt of this video on Current TV today. It made me sad, seeing that there is such prevalent hatred of people like me, whose only crime is being born this way. This way meaning black, as opposed to one of my many other attributes that inspire prejudice and discrimination against me.

.