Steve the Penguin

Indecision 2012 - Hispanic Vote

Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c

I'd like to "nosh on some enchilatkes"!

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"Alpha Beta más"

2012-02-06T20:44:00.000-08:00

As I have said before, writing is hard. I only have six chapters left to complete in Bianca Reagan: Where the Action Is, but for reasons big and small, they are not yet done.

When talking about my book, one of the chapters I often describe is Ch. 14, "Alpha Beta". The themes discussed by Bianca and Beck reflect issues that I have experienced over the past few years. No, I have never gotten divorced, nor have I dated a married man. Not that I know of, anyway. But I have swum with the sharks in the treacherous waters of the dating pool in Los Angeles, and I escaped metaphorically beaten, bruised and worse for wear.

Since I do not yet have a publication date set for the sequel to Steve the Penguin (available on Amazon!), I don't want to deprive you readers from enjoying what I have already written so far, especially when I am proud of what I would like to share.

Hence, another excerpt from Ch. 14. (It's lengthy, so if you know how to make a click-through page break, please let me know in the comments. Thank you!):

“I liked your story about you and Jean-Luc. It’s inspirational.”

“It’s a fairy tale,” Beck declared with a somber tone. “I got divorced from my first husband, met Jean-Luc, and got remarried. My life tied in a neat bow. I call it my resume gap story. Whenever I tell it, the listeners become beguiled by the meet-cute and the happily-ever-after ending. Their minds skip over the four-year period between nuptials.”

“Why don’t you tell them about those four years?”

Beck lowered her eyes. “I don’t want to sound weak and bitter and depressed.”

“If you ever want to talk about it, I’m a good listener.”

She looked up at me. “You know those sayings about relationships, like love will find you, because it will arrive when you’re not looking? Men are like buses: another one will always come around? There are plenty of fish in the sea?”

“Yeah.”

“It’s nonsense.” She kept her arms folded across her chest. “For certain people, it is that easy. Suitors fall in their laps, again and again and again.”

“Like a crappy romantic comedy playing on a loop.”

“For the rest of us who aren’t that lucky for whatever reason, it’s horrible. I never thought I’d end up divorced by 31. My ex-husband was a not-half-bad-looking newly single rich guy. He had a string of girlfriends lined up before the ink dried on our papers. I, on the other hand, could not get arrested in this town. On the nights I could find a babysitter, I was going out to clubs, chilling at bars, looking foxy, or so I thought. No men younger than 50 were picking up what I was throwing down. I tried speed dating, and I might as well have been invisible. ”

“That’s sounds disappointing.”

“Summer suggested I try online dating. Some of our friends were doing it and having a blast. They were going out every night of the week. I figured, why not? I signed up for a few reputable sites, the ones who overadvertise their success stories. I waited for the magic to happen.”

“How did that work out for you?”

“I fell further down the rabbit hole of dating, or, more accurately, not dating. At first I thought I was doing something wrong, like my matching settings were turned off, or my profile wasn’t posted, or I had mistakenly described my interests as serial killing, because I wasn’t getting any responses. So I had one of my dating expert friends redo my profile. Still nothing. I’d send out like 15, 20 messages a week. Not a single reply, let alone unsolicited interest from anyone who sounded like they had all their marbles.”

“The crazies are out there.”

“Then I realized what was going on. Success in dating, online or in-person, depended not on who you were, but on the perception of who you were. It was just one big great giant competition for the most desirable players, and I, with my formidable baggage, had not been dealt the most attractive hand for dating in LA. Despite the fact that I was well-educated and independently well-off, I was still a single mom, over 30, with two kids and some junk in the trunk. I looked like a walking statistic for my black and Hispanic communities. I was the package that no one wanted to open, even the guys who had the same traits I did. The single dads, the guys over 30, the Hispanic ones, the black ones, the guys who were way fatter than I could ever imagine, all of them wanted not me. They were looking for someone young, thin, ‘not too ethnic and no drama.’ I saw that all the time on guys’ profiles, as if ‘ethnic’ people come pre-programmed with a drama microchip.”

“My microchip must be on the fritz.”

“After a year of this, I thought, maybe I was wrong. Maybe it was just me and my fiery, intimidating, out-of control personality. I couldn’t be the victim of some societal racism/sexism/fat-hating hybrid, could I? It’s the 21st century. Society was different now. Dating was hard for everyone, right?”

I scrunched my face and gave her a shrug.

“To confirm I wasn’t losing my mind, I arranged a get-together at my house with my black woman friends, all two of them, and a couple of their black friends. I asked them what they thought about my dating situation. I discover that it was not just me. Each of them had similar stories of rejection to tell, or worse.” She shuddered. “Much worse. One of my friends showed up to a first date where the guy pulled out a brown paper bag, and it wasn’t for leftovers.”

My body recoiled. “No way.”

“He wanted to make sure she could pass. Which she could, but she was so creeped out, she left before their drinks arrived. The thing that cracked me up in a sad way was when my friend showed me a picture of the dude. His own complexion was more Wesley Snipes than Ice-T.”

“Self-hating.”

“So this dilemma was indeed, at least partially, a color issue. I hadn’t lost my mind. Instead, I lost hope.”

Poor Beck.

“I felt like I was a house for sale, but no one wanted to purchase me. Like every potential homebuyer passed me over, because they thought I was too old or stout, or the wrong color, since they wanted a house painted white. Or Asian.” She clasped her hands. “My depression only grew deeper when I tried to talk about it with some of my friends who weren’t black. They didn’t believe me. They thought I was making a big deal out of nothing. They swore no one ever treated us differently because I was black and they were the right color. Listening to their incomprehension and disbelief and denial of what was happening to me made me physically ill. I felt more alone than ever.”

“If I had known you back then, I would have believed you.”

“Thanks. The whole process was soul-destroying. I stuck it out for another year, during which I was matched for compatibility with literally over 5000 different men, who almost uniformly wanted nothing to do with me. I went on a handful of dates that went nowhere, and came out the other side, emotionally battered, discouraged, questioning my existence. Why had I been chosen to go through this life unloved? I wondered why I was on the planet if no one wanted to be with me. Like I was an alien from another galaxy that had been accidentally left behind by the mothership.”

“E.T.! Or Independence Day.” Or the episode of Are You Afraid of the Dark? with the brother of that Canadian guy who was in X-Men. I kept that last observation to myself.

“Thank goodness I had Huey, Blossom, and Summer to keep my head on straight.”

I had neither children nor a reliable sibling. What was I supposed to do with my lopsided head?

“Gosh, I am being such a downer.” She shook the long brown curls around her head. “Back on track now. I was going to say before that Mike or no Mike, you will find your match, even though you haven’t found him yet.”

“I’m supposed to believe that after your tales of woe?”

“That’s me, not you. I think he’s not ready for you at the moment. He’s still baking in an oven, like the cupcake you ate. Very soon, the timer will go off, and he will emerge fully formed. He knows he couldn’t step to you half-baked. Bianca don’t play that.”

“I do have high standards.”

“I’m not going to let you settle. Been there, done that, got the divorce papers. When you think you’ve found The One, I want to meet him and make sure he’s good enough for you.

"Consider this alternate plan."

2012-02-03T06:58:00.000-08:00

"Then we snuggle up, like little buuunies."

Oh, Tom.

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In honor of Black History Month,

2012-02-02T07:37:00.000-08:00

The Word - American History X'd

Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c

a tale of history revisionists by Stephen Colbert.

I wanted to post the related Ancestry.com sketch from the first episode of Key and Peele, but I can't find a video clip of it. Thanks, Comedy Central. :|

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"People just come up and touch your hair?"

2012-01-24T07:24:00.000-08:00

"I also think in this day and age, it's the easiest thing to just label somebody as a racist, and kind of, it's often an unfair thing, 'cause it's a very difficult thing, to, to defend yourself, unless there is actual proof."

"Did you worry about hurting her feelings when you made this video?"

"I guess the flip side is you don't want people watching everything they say, and feeling like everything is a minefield. Which, around this subject, I think a lot of people do."

Okay, seriously, Mr. Cooper? You have completely missed the point. This is a prime example of why certain people should not be allowed to go on national TV and talk about topics which they have no knowledge of and clearly cannot relate to.

The video was not about calling people racist. (Although, I definitely would say, and have said, that all of those comments are racist.) The video was not about Franchesca making fun of her white friend. The video was not about censoring white people, even those who regularly say ignorant things to black people. The video (and the second video, hooray!) was about black women and the offensive statements that they have to deal with on a daily basis. This was not a time to deal with some audience member's "privilege tears" (at 4:45), Anderson Cooper. This was definitely time for an Oprah moment.

I was irritated when I watched that Anderson Cooper video on the YouTubes yesterday morning. I felt better after I watched the following video last night:

This guy gets it. And he is articulate as well. ;) He made me miss Mr. Smooth.

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"We all want to see a black film made . . . just not distributed."

2012-01-23T06:46:00.000-08:00

"Is there a guy named Pookie in the movie?"

"We are not racist. I have one African-American friend who I am very close with."

Oh, the sad hilarity. I need my own African-American friend.

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"No. You're black. That's it."

2012-01-11T20:58:00.000-08:00

"To have somebody that didn't know anything about my culture telling what Latino was . . . How do we speak again? . . . How should I dress?"

"You're not one or the other. You're both, and you should be proud of both, and not be embarrassed or ashamed of it. There is nothing to be ashamed of."

I know where the Dominican Republic is! How do people not know that? It's on the other side of Haiti. Next you'll be telling me there are U.S. citizens who have never heard of St. Thomas. A likely story.

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"Hey, do you know a Tyrone Jenkins?"

2012-01-09T22:11:00.000-08:00

I found this video while looking up stuff about this gentleman who was featured in this article.

The article was inspiring. The video was both highly amusing and depressing due to my ability to relate to it, because 1) I've been there, and 2) I'm still there! I remember dealing with the questions and statements featured in the video while I was in college. Over a decade later, I continue to hear the same inanity spewing from people who you'd think would know better.

Below are my attempts to the thoughts or questions posed in the video. If you have either asked or been asked any of these things, please share in the comments! And yes, I do have white friends who happen to be female. I also have white friends who happen to be male. I have multiple friends of various colors and genders. The asking of and being asked these questions is not exclusive territory for any of them.

Begin video now:

You do sound racist. Prefacing your racist statement does not eliminate the racism.
I don't need to hear about any of your racist relatives and/or friends. Telling me about how terrible they are doesn't make you look any better just because you are not like them.
There is plenty of White Entertainment Television. Switch your TV set to On. Turn to any channel. If you are in the United States, there is probably a white person on your screen. If there is not, wait five minutes and there will be. I myself partake of an unhealthy amount of White Entertainment Television on a daily basis. It is hilarious and/or compelling, depending on the genre.
I don't complain about slavery all the time: I try to sleep eight hours a day, and I also carve out moments in my schedule for meals. If your ancestors were slaves, though, I would like to hear about it. I appreciate the histories of all people.
Yes. No matter what 30 Rock tells you, it is bad to do blackface.
It is not okay for anyone to say the N word. Except Mark Twain.
I need more black friends, too.
No. No twinsies.
I have my own lotion, and plenty of it. I learned in Girl Scouts to "be prepared." Yes, I was a Brownie. No, that's not racist!
Stop saying ghetto! This makes me Hulk angry. More Lou Ferigno classic Hulk than contemporary Bana or Norton. I also enjoy Lou in The King of Queens. Funny!
I don't care what you think about "black guys." I didn't ask.
That does not look like me.
I didn't do anything to your computer. Stop being weird.
Take your stinking paws off me!
No, it's not all real. No. No.
That's how my hair grows. Don't hate.
I have actually heard the phrase "Brillo pad" used multiple times in reference to a black person's hair, in person. How is that okay to say?
Yes, that did hurt. Get your mitts off me!
Yes, we can. So can you.
Cheetos?
As I mentioned before, the only person I know named Tyrone is white.
I have never been "holler"ed at, but I have gotten "girlfriend" multiple times from the same two people, one lady and one gentleman. If either of you is reading this, welcome to my blog! And please stop calling me "girlfriend." It makes me embarrassed. For you.
He could "get" what? Herpes? What are you talking about?
You don't like rap? You're the one watching the Kanye video, buying the Jay-Z album, drinking Vitamin Water, wearing your FUBU hat, Sean John jacket and Apple Bottom jeans.
Oprah!
Stereotypical? Like Oprah?
Oh, but I am.
I have seen it! It's hit or miss. And racist.

"Top Gun."

2012-01-02T10:22:00.000-08:00

(There is supposed to be an embedded video up there, but it isn't working. Boo. But you can watch it here, and have a laugh!)

I miss you, Big Gay Sketch Show.

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I'm not into Kias,

2011-12-31T15:58:00.001-08:00

but I do like the idea of ending war through dance. Hamsters! :)

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"You are one lucky lady."

2011-12-31T12:51:00.000-08:00

Oh, Hank.

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I am a Stoner.

2011-12-12T21:24:00.000-08:00

A Lucy Stoner, that is.

For the past two months, I have been fixated on this fact. Regarding most other issues, I think people should make their own decisions and select the path that is best for them. Like picking your favorite ice cream, supporting a World Cup team outside of your own country, or living a polyamorous lifestyle. You can choose your choice. Be you. Do what you do.

Except changing your name.

Don't do it.

I am so "free to be you and me" about many things, but about this, I am adamantly opposed. I have strong words and feelings. I have blogged about this before. I recently reread the very post I made three years ago on Feministe, probably my most commented-on post ever, and I giggled at my clever condemnations. I'm funny.

I have had an increasing number of friends, classmates, colleagues, and people I may have met before, either message me or request to connect with me on various social media sites, after they have changed their last name. My immediate internal reaction has been a perplexed, "who are you?" I am genuinely puzzled by individuals whom I either knew personally or in passing as "Jennifer Chang", who are now contacting me as "Jennifer Valenzuela", and expecting me to know who they are, without a note or a picture attached. Dude, give me a heads up. I wasn't invited to your wedding, so how am I supposed to know that you changed both your last name and your cultural heritage? Unless you have a striking first name like Fantasia or Ivanka or AnnaSophia, I'm going to need more to go on before I can attest that we "went to school together" or "associate with the same professional organization."

If I was invited to your wedding, thank you, friends! I still heart you, and I will call you whatever you like, even Princess Consuela Bananahammock.

For more on this subject, I direct you to these posts on Weddingbee, a division of eHarmony:

How to *Not* Change Your Last Name, by Mrs. Prairie Dog.

On Having Second Thoughts, by Mrs. Parasol.

Maiden Voyage, by Mrs. Bruschetta.

and

Not Changing, by Mrs. Cinnamon Bun.

These ladies are all much more polite in their musings than I am in mine.

Readers, feel free to share your own thoughts in the comments section!

"Is that a man, or did a horse take a dump in a wig factory?"

2011-11-18T21:42:00.000-08:00

People Magazine's Sexiest Man Alive 2011

Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c

I can speak French! (Barely.) Look out, Bradley. Next year's cover is all mine. Still sexy!

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"Party, party, party, party!"

2011-11-12T20:38:00.000-08:00

Even though I haven't been to Pier 1 in almost a decade, I'd love to find a talking penguin who speaks to me.

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"What about my stories?": My reaction to 50/50.

2011-11-01T07:34:00.000-07:00

I saw 50/50 recently, and the movie told a great story, based on real life events, about a man who discovers he has cancer. Heartfelt messages, entertaining tale.

That said, I didn't like the movie.

I couldn't get past the unnecessary implicit and explicit misogyny poured onto almost every female character in the movie, and onto women in general, whom Seth Rogen's character suggested should be fellating their boyfriends on demand. Later, the lack of colorful people rubbed me the wrong way, although I did appreciate the not one, but two Asian doctors. [Insert eye roll here.]

Like X-Men: First Class, 50/50 left me with the sad realization that my stories, like many other people's stories, will never be told. Often artists and activists make that statement like this: "Unless we tell our stories, they will never be told." But some stories just won't be told at all. I am writing as fast as I can, but I can't possibly write everything about me and produce everything about me. I'm only one person. Similarly, other writers and ideamakers who happen to be nonwhite, nonmale, nonstraight, or some combination of those signifiers cannot independently produce enough content to compete with "mainstream" (white, male, heteronormative and/or misogynistic) projects at the same level, or in many cases, at any level at all.

You might ask, "why can't you just enjoy a movie like 50/50 for what it is, instead of criticizing it for not representing you yourself personally?" My answer is, "Because I am tired of doing that." I had done that all my life. I have read thousands of books and stories, and have watched hundred of movies and television shows. The works have disproportionately featured white male American heterosexual protagonists and main characters and authors, especially from the books and movies and plays and television shows that I have been required to consume throughout my education.

"But," you might continue, "cancer is relatable to everyone. Joseph Gordon-Levitt is playing an everyman." Yes, cancer is relatable. I have been directly and indirectly affected by family and friends and teachers and other loved ones who have had cancer. Some have survived and some have not. But I am not a white man, and 50/50 truly tells the story of a white heterosexual man in America (and his exclusively white family and friends and girlfriends) who is comfortably employed, despite refusing to learn how to drive, and has a health care plan that takes care of all his medical expenses, even when he stops working. I mean, I do have a lot of white friends, but really? Black friends, apply here! Other colorful people are welcome, too.

For readers who may need a better visual, what if every story, book, television show, comic book, every medium of artistic and educational expression was dominated by authors and characters and celebrities like . . .

Amy Hill,

Amy Tan,

Ann Curry,

Connie Chung

and Lisa Ling?

Occasionally, we could interject some

comedic stylings from both Henry Cho

and Steve Byrne,

hot dance moves from Rain

and fake psychic sidekicking from Tim Kang.

But then we would get back to who is really important, the thought shapers and culture makers like

Lucy Liu,

Margaret Cho,

Michelle Kwan,

Michelle Yeoh,

Jeannie Mai,

Ming-Na

and Sandra Oh.

I would provide links for all of these people, but I don't even have time to compose this post, so exercise your privilege to Google these celebrities.

For those of you who made it through the lovely pictures, I ask you to continue imagining.

Imagine if all of the "period"/historical dramas you were spoon fed were set in Asia (instead of Europe), specifically in China (instead of in England), but occasionally in India or Japan (instead of in Germany or France).

Imagine if Dean Cain could embrace his Dean George Tanaka roots by playing identifiably Asian characters, instead of white superhero, white convicted murderer, and his pivotal role on a very special episode of A Different World, in which Mr. Cain played Third Racist from the left.

Imagine if John Cho's story about his father's journey of freedom, walking from North Korea into South Korea, were in production as a major motion picture, not just a moving anecdote Mr. Cho conveyed to Jay Leno on The Tonight Show.

"But who would play his father?"

I hear John Cho's available.

That's all. Thanks for reading!

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"When something is clean, you don't need to clean it anymore."

2011-10-20T20:25:00.000-07:00

Indecision 2012 - Job-Killing EPA

Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c

"That's why I sold my dishwasher, and my bidet."

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To achieve my goal of becoming fluent in Spanish,

2011-09-23T06:52:00.000-07:00

apparently I need a Volkswagen Passat. I'll get right on that.

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How many can you name?

2011-08-25T10:46:00.000-07:00

Even though some unfortunate people would make the mistake of calling me "African American" (I prefer "colored" (No, I don't. That was a joke, people. Shh.)) I have never been to Africa. I have tried to travel there on multiple occasions, but the trips have been cancelled due to reasons.

However, unlike many people, I do know that Africa is not one big country called "Africa" where the elephants roam and the lions call home. It's the birthplace of civilization, made up of various peoples and places and things. When I was in fourth grade, one of my classmates could name all of the capitals of the African continent. I could name all of the capitals of the Australian continent, so bully for me.

Today, I asked myself if I could name ten African countries. Then I asked if I could name ten more. I pushed myself to 21, and then I started writing this blog post.

How many can you name without assistance? Extra points for capital cities, half points for accidentally naming obscure countries on other continents, like Uzbekistan or Burma.

Here are the answers: Territories and regions of Africa.

Here is my list:

South Africa
Egypt
Lesotho
Kenya
Ivory Coast
Namibia
Madagascar (movie!)
Malawi
Mozambique
Niger
Nigeria (two different countries!)
Ghana
Sudan
South Sudan (newest country in the world!)
Tanzania
Tunisia
Morocco
Swaziland
Chad (neither Lowe nor Allen nor Michael Murray)
Libya
Liberia

"The 'Bu"

2011-08-22T18:27:00.000-07:00

I finished another chapter in Bianca Reagan: Where the Action Is! Six more to go! An excerpt from Ch. 17:

“I have to put my whole hand in the scanner? I thought it was a fingerprint.”

“New company policy. Sign here please.”

“Which of the many forms is this?”

“It releases the company, the testing center, and the test administrators from liability for any injuries you may incur while at the facility. This includes, but is not limited to, falls, sprains, broken bones, eyestrain, seizures, cancer, and/or death, and you are present in the facility and are taking the exam of your own free will.”

I looked at the form. “To apply to business school, I am required to take and pass this four-hour-long exam. It is only administered on flickering computer screens instead of in paper form. And, at 25 miles away, this is the closest facility to my home. To enter and exit the exam room, I have to repeatedly place my hand on a radioactive machine. So yes. I am exposing my body to eyestrain, highway collisions, and cancer by my own free will.” I signed the papers and handed them back to the administrator.

“This way, please.”

"It's not what you say, it's what they hear."

2011-08-17T08:17:00.000-07:00

Colbert Super PAC - Frank Luntz Commits to the PAC

Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c

"So, 'energy exploration', not 'oil drilling'?"

"Correct."

"'Climate change', not 'global warming'."

"Yes."

"Okay. I think that is 'brilliant', not 'manipulative'."

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"Luv U, Baby Girl"

2011-08-15T17:22:00.000-07:00

I finished another chapter in Bianca Reagan: Where the Action Is! Seven more to go! An excerpt from Ch. 06:

Jenny adjusted each person’s spacing. “Let’s do it!”

We heard the intro of the song. The synthesized melody crept over the background drum machine. Then came the lyrics. Maggie’s part was first.

“I will never break your heart
I promise from the start
Baby girl”

Her moment in the imaginary spotlight was halted by the ringing of my desk phone.

“Who is interrupting the magic?” Maggie demanded.

I picked up the receiver.

“It’s your mother,” I told Stacey. She took the call at my desk.

“She hasn’t moved out of Stacey’s house yet,” Maggie whispered.

The Intern shook his head. “That’s rough.”

Stacey busied her right hand by clicking her retractable pen. “Mami, I am having a very important business discussion . . . Si, that is ‘Luv U, Baby Girl’ . . . How do you know about Five Guys? . . . No, I don’t think that would . . . Why do you want . . . Fine, Mami, fine.” She switched her mother to the speakerphone.

“Hello, Stacey’s friends,” her mother greeted us with her Argentinean lilt.

“Hi, Mrs. Maguire,” we replied.

“Por favor, girls, we’re all family. Call me Mami.”

Stacey gripped her pen so hard it bent in half.

“My baby doesn’t know about Five Guys and my Teddy B like I do,” Mrs. Maguire said. “Sometimes I like to throw my hands in the air, and wave them around like I just don’t care. Turn the music back on.”

SPOILER ALERT: The black guy dies.

2011-08-14T16:27:00.000-07:00

I saw Rise of the Planet of the Apes recently, partially because Draco Malfoy plays a villain yet again (way to stretch those acting chops, Tom, but decent American accent), and partially because I have seen all the previous Ape movies. I still need to watch the sketchy looking television show. Though, I have seen Lancelot Link, Secret Chimp, which had a more believable premise than that abomination with Marky Mark.

The problem with the black guy dying in the movie is not that he was black, but that he was the only black guy in the story. He was the only black person with any lines. The producers couldn't find any other black people in San Francisco who wanted to participate in a movie about incarcerated individuals who have experiments performed on them against their will, develop a secret method of communication, and enact a revolution against their evil masters? I'm available for the role of Greedy Businessperson #1, and I can bring my own suit.

Ironically, almost every character in Rise of the Planet of the Apes--which was cribbed from the black power influenced Conquest of the Planet of the Apes (my favorite of the Apes)--is white and male. The exceptions were the black guy, the South Asian love interest who had no motivation besides hanging out with James Franco, the frightened nurse, and the apes. Again, the setting was San Francisco. Were there no Hispanic people, or other Asian people, or women of any color who could read a line or two in front of a camera?

Onto my favorite characters: the circus orangutan and John Lithgow, in that order, even though I have seen every episode of 3rd Rock from the Sun, and I cried when it went off the air.

More qualms: if the apes were so smart, Caesar especially, why didn't they hijack a plane and fly themselves back to the places they were captured from in generic Africa? Also, that Gen-Sys laboratory has terrible security.

"Well, you're pretty, too."

2011-08-12T08:15:00.000-07:00

Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c

Gloria Steinem

"It's really important, seriously, that kids grow up knowing that men can be as loving and nurturing as women can."

"I thought the role of the father was to take his emotion and stuff it down as much as he can until it comes out inappropriately at Thanksgiving dinner."

Thank goodness for feminists. :)

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"Please, Pussycat, I'm on a roll."

2011-08-11T11:14:00.000-07:00

"Some people just don't know when to quit."

Oh, the hilarity of those Girls.

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"This is America. Our vaginas speak English."

2011-07-26T06:28:00.000-07:00

Vaginal Puppeteering vs. D**k Scrub

Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c

If you didn't use Summer's Eve before . . . well, you still shouldn't. Ick.

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"A good disguise"?

2011-07-26T06:11:00.000-07:00

Norwegian Muslish Gunman's Islam-Esque Atrocity

Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c

Can't journalists just say, "this was a terrible tragedy", and leave it at that? Because it was a terrible tragedy.

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"In Texas, it's way easier to get a gun than a college degree."

2011-07-21T07:15:00.000-07:00

Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c

Voter ID Laws

The Daily Show - Katedown to the Royal Willding - The Nuptials of the Century
Tags: Daily Show Full Episodes,Political Humor & Satire Blog,The Daily Show on Facebook

That is probably true in most states. I watched Bowling for Columbine.

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My Mummy likes this commercial:

2011-07-17T17:36:00.000-07:00

I like this commercial:

Yet neither of us will be switching to 4G, despite the "network of possibilities." But, thank you for the entertainment, AT&T!

.

"I don't get to talk, but I wear fabulous suits."

2011-06-26T09:05:00.000-07:00

The irony of X-Men: First Class (in theaters now!) is the film's theme of social acceptance, while rigidly adhering to the standard discriminatory practices of Hollywood movies. Racism, sexism, ageism, sizeism were all in fine form in a story about celebrating your differences.

First of all--SPOILER ALERT for almost every action movie ever--the black guy dies, after Kevin Bacon self-righteously compares mutants to African slaves, and gives the black guy a pointed look. Btw, the only black guy does have a name: it's Darwin, like the lovable dolphin on seaQuest DSV. (We'll miss you, Jonathan Brandis.)

Second, did the wardrobe department run out of fabric for the ladies? James McAvoy and the other guy had their bodies completely covered from neck to toe, even on the sunny beach scenes. Yet all of female characters (all four of them, in supporting roles) were required to appear semi-naked for most, if not all, of their scenes. Mystique and Rose Byrne insisted upon wearing miniskirts during the rainy season in London and while representing a government agency, respectively. The former couldn't even close her X-Men jumpsuit the whole way, because ladies' zippers don't go up that far? Did they need to be sexually objectified for the entire movie?

Third, these ladies needed to take a page from Storm and Jean Grey in X2 (otherwise known as the best X-Men movie), because none of them seemed to be able to act on their own without the help or guidance or condescension of some man. None of them were allowed to carry their own story line. Each of female characters seemed to exist mainly to assist, serve, praise and/or sexually entice one or more of the male characters in the movie. Way to keep the wimmins in their place.

Fourth, if Charles Xavier could use Cerebro to identify all of the humans in the world, why did he end up selecting almost exclusively the young, pale, painfully thin, American ones? For example, were there no mature, chunky, Indonesian women in the mutant population? And to make matters worse, as Tasha Robinson points out in her review at the A.V. Club, "the few non-Caucasian characters are all dead or evil by halfway through the film". Dead. Silent and evil. Barely clothed and evil.

That's exactly the kind of message a film about escaping the Nazi regime should embrace: only let the white men boss people around; show the true despicable nature of the coloreds; and make sure the ladies are all scantily-clad and submissive. Mutant and proud!

(Side note and SPOILER ALERT: Hugh Jackman was pitch perfect in his cameo appearance. Way to make that mortgage payment, Wolverine.)

.

"Do we really need Ryan Reynolds and Ryan Gosling?"

2011-06-10T07:06:00.000-07:00

The Colbert Report
Tags: Colbert Report Full Episodes,Political Humor & Satire Blog,Video Archive

Yes, we do. But considering The Green Lantern and whatever this Vice Versa/Freaky Friday ripoff is, I say it's Gosling for the win. The smirkiness begins at 1:30:

Who's that curly-haired guy?

.

I don't like trail mix,

2011-06-04T18:26:00.000-07:00

but I do like this Target commercial. Hooray for more diversity in media and for M&Ms!

.

This topic makes me sad,

2011-05-29T08:02:00.000-07:00

Dark Girls: Preview from Bradinn French on Vimeo.

but having the discussion makes me glad. It's important to talk about difficult subjects, even if they make some people uncomfortable. In the words of Leslie Bennetts, author of The Feminine Mistake, "The facts don't change just because you refuse to look at them."

via Jezebel, "The Heartbreaking Reality Of Being A Dark-Skinned Black Woman"

.

"I was in *NSYNC with you!"

2011-05-23T21:55:00.000-07:00

"That's MC Skat Kat!"

Justin had quite a Saturday night:

"Bring it on down to Liquorville!"

.

So much happiness from Google Chrome

2011-05-06T14:44:00.000-07:00

Why must you summon tears, Google?

.

Did I miss the gay part?

2011-05-06T14:33:00.000-07:00

"Beer for guys who like to do other guys."

Here's the whole Budweiser commercial, which comes with the following disclaimer on YouTube:

This video or group may contain content that is inappropriate for some users, as determined by the video uploader.

It's still funny a week later.

2011-05-06T14:08:00.000-07:00

"Donald Trump has been saying that he will run for President as a Republican, which is surprising since I just assumed he was running as a joke."

"Donald Trump owns the Miss USA pageant, which is great for Republicans, because it will streamline their search for a Vice President."

"Donald Trump said recently he has a 'great relationship with the blacks.' Though, unless 'the Blacks' are a family of white people, I bet he's mistaken."

Zing!

Additional hilarity from President Obama:

"I want to make clear to the Fox News table, that was a joke. That was not my real birth video. That was a children's cartoon. Call Disney if you don't believe me. They have the original longform version."

.

Celebrating books by certain successful people

2011-05-03T09:34:00.000-07:00

I attended the Los Angeles Times Festival of Books this weekend. Hooray for books! I got to meet Lela Lee of Angry Little Girls fame, and I had her sign my copy of her new book. Hooray for me!

At the panels I went to, most of the audience was older and white. Unfortunately, most of the panelists were, too. Except for the Jada Pinkett Smith/Sistah Souljah stage, and the Writing between Races panel (which was the best! Click these words to learn about the five fabulous panelists), almost all of the people on the panels I attended were white. Most of them were male, more of them were affluent or comfortable, most of them were over 40. All of them were over 30. At least two of the panels had only white male speakers.

No, I did no select the panels I attended based on their abundance of old, rich white men. I chose topics that interested me, like authors who also write for TV, and novelists for young adults. Seeing the panelists magnified an pernicious problem of publishing: the vicious circle of who is allowed to speak in our society. To speak on a panel at the festival, you must have published a successful book. The people who have books published are usually white and mostly male, especially in nonfiction, even if the topics of their books are not other white people. Which leaves a bunch of people, like me, discouraged and dissatisfied, about the types of stories that being told, or more precisely, the types of stories that are not being told.

Outside of the panels, the crowd of thousands milling about the booths and stages was more diverse. Thought at the Patton Oswalt stage, the audience was more diverse in age and possibly in economic background than it was in color. Mostly different sizes and shades of white people. But I did stand next to one of the other two black ladies in the audience. Progress!

.

"They're wedding gnomes!"

2011-04-30T21:40:00.000-07:00

Forget CNN or the BBC. Here is my favorite coverage of the wedding of Prince William and Kate Middleton:

"Oh no. Do you know what?"

"What?"

"I'm thinking about the fact that one in five public sector workers in Britain are about to lose their jobs."

"Yes, that is very sad, actually."

"Isn't it terrible?"

"Yes."

Yeah, dude. It's horrible! Though, I do like those gnomes. Funny hats.

Victoria Mather, friend of the British royal family, has a different take on the situation:

The Daily Show - Royal Wedding Excitement in London
Tags: Daily Show Full Episodes,Political Humor & Satire Blog,The Daily Show on Facebook

"I think the British taxpayer is being very mean about moaning about paying for this wedding. I mean, it's a privilege, isn't it?"

Thank goodness it's not my privilege. My taxes are going to better things, like three illegal wars on foreign soil.

"I'd prefer to be paying for the royal wedding and cleaning the streets afterwards and for all the security than to be paying for illegal immigrants to claim benefits and live in sinker states."

"Oh! Why not make it a race issue?"

"Yes!"

No!

Did Mr. Oliver say that the royal wedding will cost taxpayers 20 million pounds (at 2:38)? Based on current exchange rates, that's about 33 jillion dollars! You know how many British weddings I could throw for £20 million? About 20. Wedding planners don't come cheap.

.

"Thank you for knowing my name . . . Brendan Fraser?"

2011-04-29T13:31:00.000-07:00

Jokes.com

Kumail Nanjiani - Hey Kumar

comedians.comedycentral.com

Jokes

Joke of the Day

Funny Jokes

"I want to be so famous that I'm the pop culture reference that people would make to try and be racist to me."

So do I! Except not in a mean racist way. More in a model minority way, like when people compare me to Oprah or Queen Latifah or Whoopi Goldberg, or other successful black women on the TV who have some extra padding in the tuchis. Though I haven't gotten Mo'nique or Wendy Williams yet. I'm sure that day will come.

.

"We're at a research facility, and the cat's missing!"

2011-04-29T13:17:00.000-07:00

Jokes.com

Kumail Nanjiani - Horror Movies

comedians.comedycentral.com

Jokes

Joke of the Day

Funny Jokes

"We're okay with you murdering people with your needle gloves. But racism?"

Tsk tsk.

.

"Why won't Barack Obama release his elementary school report cards?"

2011-04-29T09:13:00.000-07:00

America Needs to See Obama's Report Cards

Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c

"I have no proof that he's even a black man! He could be white! And if that's the case, I don't understand why we're questioning his legitimacy."

.

They're not my Republican friends.

2011-04-29T08:45:00.000-07:00

The Daily Show - Bernie Sanders
Tags: Daily Show Full Episodes,Political Humor & Satire Blog,The Daily Show on Facebook

"The issue it seems to me is with a $1.6 trillion deficit, it is insane to think that the only way you're gonna move toward a balanced budget is by slashing college Pell grants, by cutting Medicaid, by converting Medicare into a voucher program, by cutting programs that working class people and middle-class people desperately need. And at the same time, our Republican friends say, 'Well, we're gonna to do all of these terrible things to the most vulnerable people in America, but you know what, we're not going to ask billionaires to pay a nickel more in taxes.' I think that that is insane."

. . .

"Working people have rights. Health care should be a right of all people, not just a privilege of the wealthy."

Actor? Painter? Korean pop star? Ice cream magnate?

2011-04-25T19:31:00.000-07:00

Renaissance Nemesis - Frank Jameso

Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c

"I'm so Renaissance than under my suit I'm wearing a codpiece."

I'd like to fancy myself a Renaissance Lady, or a polymath, if you will. But apparently, I need to step my game up. Let's start with the ice cream. I've got ideas, Ben & Jerry.

.

I do enjoy the little boy eating the Pill, but

2011-04-25T08:14:00.000-07:00

I do have two questions about Bridesmaids:

1. Why is this the only movie with an all-female cast coming out this year? I need more movies about platonic lady-friends.

2. How does Maya Rudolph's character have only white friends? Does producer Judd Apatow want to maintain his consistency of keeping any brown people from mucking up the screen? (Watch his movies, and tell me I'm wrong.) This whitewashing syndrome is not exclusive to Mr. Apatow's projects, but it is glaringly apparent in this movie. It's worse than when Rashida Jones's character in I Love You, Man had only white friends and conveniently had no family at all. (What, Quincy couldn't make an appearance?) Or when Jennifer Lopez had no family either in Monster-in-Law.

3. Why did I watch Monster-in-Law?.

Please leave comments! :)

.

Soulmates?

2011-04-25T07:27:00.000-07:00

I hope not.

.

"Speaking of never intending to give factual statements, Fox and Friends."

2011-04-17T21:26:00.000-07:00

"You can get a pap smear or a breast exam at Walgreens . . . Ladies, just look for the stirrups."

Readers, that remark was not intended to be a factual statements. Keep your pants on at the drugstore.

.

"If I were you, I'd watch out for red flags."

2011-04-01T19:15:00.000-07:00

"But what if I'm like a flag factory that only manufactures giant red flags?"

.

I've never been to Harlem,

2011-04-01T19:01:00.000-07:00

but after that story, I am not comfortable either. :|

.

"Why can't you hold the camera steady?"

2011-03-21T20:12:00.000-07:00

Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c

Colbert PAC Ad

"Making a better tomorrow, tomorrow."

.

"I need to keep my hand up."

2011-03-18T07:54:00.000-07:00

"Success and likability are positively correlated for men, and negatively correlated for women."

I hear that. Preach the word, Big Bird.

.

I'm into shelter and warmth.

2011-03-02T06:19:00.000-08:00

The Word - New Country for Old Men

Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c

Sad.

.

"The original Cosby Show, which cured racism against black people."

2011-02-22T07:27:00.000-08:00

The Daily Show - Allah in the Family
Tags: Daily Show Full Episodes,Political Humor & Satire Blog,The Daily Show on Facebook

It's nice to see Keshia Knight Pulliam still getting work.

.

"I am a huge fan of Santorum . . . the Senator!"

2011-02-22T07:04:00.000-08:00

Rick Santorum Internet Search

Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c

"You can eat your nachos again."

.

"I never sleep on planes."

2011-02-12T13:37:00.000-08:00

"I don't want to get incepted."

For those of you who watched the entire episode, I too would like to have a baby in Canada with John Cho, the famous Québécois mobile meth dealer.

.

"Charles!"

2011-02-11T07:24:00.000-08:00

Ooh, he's sneaky.

Also,

I'd run away, too. No frogs, please.

.

Don't fight!

2011-02-09T22:15:00.000-08:00

You're scaring the children. :( By the by, where is your son?

.

Two months later

2011-02-09T22:03:00.000-08:00

I wish my illegitimate TV dad could be played by Alan Alda. And I've never even seen M*A*S*H.

.

Who let that puppet on The Daily Show?

2011-02-05T18:43:00.000-08:00

Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c

Michael Steele Pt. 1

The Daily Show on Facebook

"Reince Priebus? Is that a name, or are you taking a final at Hogwarts?"

.

Darn those foreigners taking our jobs.

2011-02-05T17:59:00.000-08:00

Tip/Wag - British Superman & Big Flats Beer

Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c

"Take that, 2006!"

.

"Either way, let's pee on it."

2011-02-04T22:36:00.000-08:00

Poor Gabe.

.

Super meta

2011-02-02T19:05:00.000-08:00

"Comedy is a place where the mind goes to tickle itself. That's what she said."

.

Uncle Tom, Uncle Remus, and that guy from the Facebook movie

2011-01-31T14:50:00.000-08:00

You know what's hilarious? A cocktail of misogyny and racism, mixed with a dollop of anti-Semitism and a dash of general body hatred.

Not Dean Edwards: Igor, man. Where'd you get that brain?

Jesse Eisenberg: Ah, from a woman who had just died.

Not Dean: What kind of woman?

Jesse: She worked at the DMV.

Not Dean: And what about the fingernails?

Jesse: From a cashier at Walgreens.

Not Dean: And where did you get the mouth?

Jesse: From a ho who didn't know her place.

The sketch continues:

Jesse: Master, I don't understand. Why doesn't he just tell her he's the man, and that she should do as he says?

Not Dean: You ever been with a sista?

Jesse: No.

Not Dean: Then you wouldn't understand.

Jesse: I've just been with Jewish girls.

Not Dean: Then you kinda understand.

Jesse: Yes.

Jesse Eisenberg, do you kiss you bubbe with that mouth? Speaking of bubbes, I should give a shout-out to my own: Hello! Thank you for reading. :) Who am I kidding? My grandmother doesn't read my blog. She doesn't even own a computer.

If only Igor and Dr. Frankenstein and his monster could find some more docile women to associate with, for example, some imaginary Asian women who will blow them in public bathrooms. I'm just saying.

Just when I was feeling happy about being me. But yet again, in the words of Joan Holloway, "No matter how powerful we get around here, they can just draw another cartoon."

.

Somebody help that baby.

2011-01-30T21:39:00.000-08:00

"Very tired."

I hear you, kid.

.

So right again, Stephen T. Colbert

2011-01-25T08:03:00.000-08:00

The Word - Coverage of Denial

Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c

"If you're really good at pretending, maybe you can get a job as a Republican member of Congress. Because pretending to help you is apparently a big part of what they do."

.

"You'll be the talk of your tailgate."

2011-01-19T07:43:00.000-08:00

Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c

Coma Cozy

I know I'll be talking about you, behind your back and to your face. Those are oversized baby pajamas! You cannot wear adult onesies outside of your house.

.

Apparently, it's always a good night for me.

2011-01-11T14:38:00.000-08:00

"I wanna remember my night, and sometimes I just don't. And it sucks. So you're like, 'What did I do? Why did I end up in a garbage can?'"

End up in a garbage can? Are you sure that's not where your night began, Snook?

.

I didn't read War and Peace either.

2011-01-11T14:20:00.000-08:00

Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c

What's a Reince Priebus?

Political Humor & Satire Blog</a>

Also, I think Ann Wagner's answer was a cry for help. Poor drunk lady.

.

"Here go hell come."

2010-12-19T11:37:00.000-08:00

"Explosion, and then darkness."

.

"You funny!"

2010-12-10T13:14:00.000-08:00

From Comedy Central's Hot List 2010:

Chelsea Peretti: You're a lady, correct?

Natasha Leggero: Correct! Um, yes. I'm very excited to be a lady.

Chelsea: Oh, god, who isn't?

Natasha: You do a lot of shows with ladies, right?

Chelsea: Well, let's play nice. I hate ladies as much as the next lady.

Natasha: [laughing]

Chelsea: But, people do think it's like a compliment to say, "You're funny. You're the funniest girl." Or usually, here's what I get--

Natasha: "Usually I don't think women are funny."

Chelsea: "Usually I don't think women are funny," yeah.

Natasha: "But you--"

Chelsea: "But you, however--"

Natasha: "You funny!"

Chelsea: "You were pretty funny."

Natasha: "For a woman."

Chelsea: I hate it when someone says, "You're pretty funny." Like, I don't need that thrown in the mix, the "pretty funny". The intros are always the worst.

Natasha: "You guys ready for a lady?"

Chelsea: "You ready for a lady?" Like this freak show's about to march onstage.

Natasha: [laughing]

Chelsea: The worst is they're like, "She's lovely, and she's funny." And then you like trot out in a little dress and tap shoes. It's like such a stressful intro.

Natasha: [laughing]

Chelsea: This is so fun. We should hang out more.

Natasha: Uh, yeah, this is a nice place.

Chelsea: Do you want to hang out more, er . . .

Natasha: You know, I'm actually really busy right now.

Chelsea: Okay, okay.

Oh, funny ladies.

.

My new favorite Christmas commercial.

2010-12-10T12:09:00.000-08:00

I like how it shows that not everyone who shops at Target is a wife or a mom. Other people need affordable merchandise, too.

I expect my next favorite Christmas commercial to be even better. :)

.

"Where's our thanks for introducing Indians to whiskey?"

2010-12-03T16:04:00.000-08:00

John Thune Looks Presidential

Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c

"Don't forget the Chinese!"

.

Make other plans, little ladies.

2010-11-23T10:12:00.000-08:00

Disney Will Stop Making Princess Movies Because Boys Think They're Icky, by Tim Grierson, Yahoo! Movies.

On Wednesday, Disney will be releasing "Tangled," the studio's 50th animated film. You might think that this would be cause for celebration, but from recent stories in the Los Angeles Times and New York Times, it appears that Disney Animation is in the midst of a major freak-out/reinvention. The main takeaway from these articles was that Pixar guru (and Disney Animation bigwig) John Lasseter is in the midst of reviving Disney's slumping non-Pixar animation projects. Oh, and he's done making movies about fairy tales and princesses.

"They may come back later because someone has a fresh take on it," Lasseter's Disney Animation co-chief Ed Catmull told the L.A. Times, "but we don't have any other musicals or fairy tales lined up." One reason is because the studio is fearful of alienating young boys, who supposedly won't see something like last year's "The Princess and the Frog." The other reason, frighteningly, is that young girls consider themselves too cool to want to be princesses.

[ . . . ]

Lasseter insists that these changes at Disney are all for the good and that people should give him and his team time to work their wonders. But still it's hard not to be completely depressed by these developments. It's not that we're clamoring for a slew of new "princess movies," but it seems like Disney Animation is now trying to chase trends rather than focusing on just making good movies.

Great idea, Mr. Lasseter. Eliminate the types of franchises that built the Disney brand for almost a century, including a multi-million dollar phenomenon that jettisoned your competitors to make as many knockoffs as possible.

Are boys really that valuable that you need to forsake your core audience in a desperate attempt to attract male attention? Boys and male characters are already overrepresented in children's media (you can read the ongoing research at the Geena Davis Institute on Gender in Media). They don't need another media empire pandering to them, especially not at the expense of girls however controversial Disney Princess stories may be.

For more discussion:

Disney Swears off Princesses, by Melissa Silverstein, Women and Hollywood.

It's the End of the Disney Princess Fairy Tale, But It Ain't Happily Ever After, by Suzanne Reisman, BlogHer.

.

I would like a hug from a polar bear,

2010-11-18T10:41:00.000-08:00

even though I'm not a married homeowner who wears a suit jacket with sneakers and slouchy pants. Dude, you're in your 40s. Dress like a grown-up.

Hello, 40-year-olds! Please leave a comment. :)

.

"I speak American."

2010-11-17T22:38:00.000-08:00

Movie Trailers - Movies Blog

Harry Potter Stars Learn To Speak American, by Margaret Hartmann, Jezebel.

"It's the freedom language."

.

"There is no way I'm working with her."

2010-11-16T21:26:00.000-08:00

"Let's go meet her right now."

Oh, fake Patti played by Scarlett Johansson.

Here's more kinda funny:

"You're too young"

"You're too old!"

I'm pretty sure I've seen this setup somewhere before.

.

"Pause before you play."

2010-11-16T20:45:00.000-08:00

Bristol Palin and The Situation tell you all about the importance of abstinence, by Sean O'Neal, The A.V. Club.

I should have paused and left after "Sitch" called her "B. Palin." And yet, I kept right on watching this debacle.

.

Reason #1 why I miss The L Word:

2010-11-14T17:20:00.000-08:00

Angelica!

Okay, reason #2 why I miss The L Word: Every episode of the show passes The Bechdel Test.

What is The Bechdel Test, you ask?

- From FeministFrequency.com via The A.V. Club.

The last show I remember that passed The Bechdel Test before The L Word was The Baby-Sitters Club:

Oh, early 90s children's television shows. Where would those baby-sitters be now? (Kristy would probably be on The L Word. You were thinking it, too.)

Here is one of my favorite scenes from Season 4 of The L Word:

Oh Jenny. What a mess.

Readers, can you think of any shows that pass The Bechdel Test? Not even Dora the Explorer makes the cut.

.

I wouldn't know what to do, either.

2010-11-13T08:26:00.000-08:00

I'd probably run away. That's scary.

.

I would like to volunteer

2010-11-09T08:56:00.000-08:00

for this position!

African-American Community Calls For New Black Nerd Archetype, The Onion.

A coalition of African-American activists and scholars released a strongly worded statement Monday citing the "urgent need" for popular media to depict a new black nerd archetype that more accurately reflects the full spectrum of 21st-century American dorkdom.

"Outdated representations of African-American nerds are simply not cutting it anymore," the statement read in part. "Perhaps in the '80s and '90s it was possible for young people to identify with Steve Urkel's hiked-up pants, nasal voice, and lovable catchphrase of 'Did I do that?' But today's black nerds are different."

"They may not carry slide rules and calculators, but they do carry smartphones to make posts on Twitter, Facebook, and Foursquare," the statement continued. "Yet where are the modern-day nerds of color in our films and television programs?"

According to the Dweeb Diversity Coalition, nerds in the African-American community continue, like their predecessors, to be socially awkward, hilariously unstylish, and a source of embarrassment for their cooler black friends. But a recent survey of pop-cultural archetypes found that in the current TV lineup, almost all nerd characters are white.

[ . . . ]

The prominent African-American writer, philosopher, and activist [Cornel West] went on to stress that the highest-profile nerds in today's media—Jesse Eisenberg and Michael Cera chief among them—are exclusively white. According to West, this leaves many nonwhite nerds feeling as though they have no option but to follow in the footsteps of suspect characters such as the reactionary Carlton Banks, who still appears in syndicated reruns of The Fresh Prince Of Bel-Air.

I can represent for nerdy girls, nerdy black people, and grape and strawberry Nerds (my favorite!). Just put me on TV, and let the magic begin.

.

Why you don't have a job.

2010-11-09T08:07:00.000-08:00

The Fairy Jobmother and Downsized, by Todd VanDerWerff, The A.V. Club.

Report: Unemployment High Because People Keep Blowing Their Job Interviews, The Onion.

According to the findings, seven out of 10 Americans could have landed their dream job last month if they had known where they see themselves in five years, and the number of unemployed could be reduced from 14.6 million to 5 million if everyone simply greeted potential employers with firmer handshakes, maintained eye contact, and stopped fiddling with their hair and face so much.

[ . . . ]

"If applicants would just say yes when asked if they played softball or liked golf, we could add 350,000 jobs to the private sector," Deputy Labor Secretary Seth Harris said. "The fact is, right now, today, approximately a third of the country's manufacturing positions are vacant. Auto plants across the country, especially in Detroit, are sitting there just waiting for people to come in and build cars."

"You may be a qualified candidate, but none of that matters if you walk into that interview lacking confidence," he added. "Don't act too confident, though. And don't joke around too much. And don't be overly friendly or ask too many questions. But be yourself."

If only you knew how to shake hands, you'd be running the company.

.

Take a hint, Outsourced.

2010-11-08T22:57:00.000-08:00

What's Outsourced, you ask? This is Outsourced:

Good job, NBC. :| It's no Studio 60, but really? Man-meat?

In better news: babies!

"Why do you continue to mock our show?"

2010-11-06T22:49:00.001-07:00

"Have you seen your show?"

That's Joel McHale, bringing the funny. :)

.

The best Suze Orman call yet.

2010-11-02T19:49:00.000-07:00

Yes, Elf School. No, Orlando Bloom from Lord of the Rings will not be there.

.

"Like being gay, being British is a choice."

2010-10-31T19:38:00.000-07:00

Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c

Fear for All Pt. 1

"By the way, what is the difference between being English and being gay?"

"It's exactly the same thing."

~

There's more!

Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c

Fear for All Pt. 2

"I know that what you call equality is an attack on me. If you get more rights, I have fewer rights. That's just math."

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"Making pizzas and smoking meat."

2010-10-26T21:21:00.000-07:00

There are jokes I could tell, but I will restrain myself.

But Jimmy and Elijah are testing me with this clip:

Two guys reaching under their legs and pounding hard wood? Seriously? The rumors start themselves.

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He will be on the telly!

2010-10-26T16:02:00.000-07:00

Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c

Elijah Wood

Jim Gaffigan - Flesh Colored Suit

Political Humor

Rally to Restore Sanity

FX Orders Elijah Wood Comedy Wilfred, by Natalie Abrams, TV Guide via Yahoo! TV.

FX has ordered Wilfred, a new comedy series starring Elijah Wood as an introvert trying to find happiness, the network announced Monday.

Adapted from the Australian series of the same name, the show revolves around Ryan (Wood) and his alter ego/imaginary friend Wilfred. Wilfred appears as a dog to the outside world, and as a walking, talking man in a dog costume to Ryan. Jason Gann, who co-created and starred in the original series, will play Wilfred.

Wilfred is "part Labrador retriever and part Russell Crowe on a bender," executive producer David Zuckerman says.

Excitement! Also, I'd like to see that tattoo.

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"At McDonald's, I'm like Matthew McConaug-hee."

2010-10-23T21:37:00.000-07:00

Night of Too Many Stars

Thursday, October 21, 2010

www.comedycentral.com

Ugly Americans New Episodes

Nick Swardson's Pretend Time

Night of Too Many Stars

"That's right, folks. This is what a size 38 waist looks like. Read it and weep, y'all."

I do love McDonald's fries. Don't hate.

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This baby's on the move!

2010-10-22T06:44:00.000-07:00

If only you could send real babies that quickly. And safely.

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"Disabled interracial lesbians with an African kicker?"

2010-10-20T22:51:00.000-07:00

"Did not see that coming."

I saw it coming! Poor Lily. :|

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"Can you believe it?"

2010-10-19T09:23:00.000-07:00

Yes, I can, which is why I enjoy this show. :)

Speaking of Christina Hendricks, where can I find episodes of Kevin Hill?

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How dare she be so inspiring?

2010-10-14T09:05:00.000-07:00

Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c

Condoleezza Rice Pt. 1

Political Humor

Rally to Restore Sanity

Then she continues to speak with hope about the future of the Middle East. The nerve!

Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c

Condoleezza Rice Pt. 2

Political Humor

Rally to Restore Sanity

"We'll have the other conversation at a different time."

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I saw it.

2010-10-12T22:26:00.000-07:00

The Social Network was no Superbad, but Stephen Colbert was correct. Almost every girl and woman in the movie was unnecessarily objectified for the purpose of satisfying some fantasy, fantasies that stemmed from both the male characters in the movie and from the male creators of the movie. Even the characters played by Rooney Mara and Rashida Jones existed in the story on some level because the Mark Zuckerberg character was sexually attracted to them. Two of the last scenes in the movie involved Mark asking Rashida's character out to dinner, followed by Mark obsessing over the Facebook page of Rooney's character.

Both the presentation of and the critical acclaim for The Social Network depress me. It's a perfect storm of straight white male privilege packaged by a writer and a director who were both trying a little too hard. The movie's current 97% rating on Rotten Tomatoes doesn't surprise me, considering that most film reviewers are nerdy white guys whose nerdy wet dreams were fulfilled by seeing their self-projections on screen, as portrayed by the likes of Andrew Garfield and panty-chasing Justin Timberlake (?!). (Jesse Eisenberg is talented, but the real Mark Zuckerberg did get cheated aesthetically on the casting.) There are no movies this year or last year or scheduled for next year that would either be a female equivalent of The Social Network, that have a solid female cast, or that even pass the Bechdel test. This exclusive, incestuous system takes a property from the male-dominated field of nonfiction--a story about the male-dominated field of technology--then has the story adapted through the male-dominated fields of screenwriting and directing; this system does not encourage or leave much room for women to succeed.

The scene that summed up the movie for was when Mark was handing out assignments to his friends so that he could to expand the website to additional schools throughout the country. When Brenda Song's character, who was eager to help, asked what she and her female friend could do, Mark simply replied, "Nothing."

With all that said, I advise you readers to go see The Social Network (tickets are still available!), and report back to me. I welcome your thoughts. Please leave comments! :)

Edit 10/13/2010:

1. In the words of Joan from the episode of Mad Men, "The Summer Man", "No matter how powerful we get around here, they can just draw another cartoon." In this case, no matter how hard you have worked to get into Harvard or Stanford, they can just make another movie, portraying you and all of your female colleagues as useless, drunken, coked-up whores. You would think that attending an Ivy League university would spare you as a woman from getting painted with the skank brush on the silver screen, but no. I wouldn't be surprised if there were a Sorkin/Fincher movie coming out next year about the girls gone wild in the House of Representatives.

2. I didn't fully address Brenda Song's character, but someone else did:

Brenda Song’s Crazed, Hypersexualized Asian Female Stereotype in The Social Network, (Updated), by Jenn, Racialicious.

3. Joseph Mazzello is still working. And he has a college degree? Good for him!

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Get in my belly.

2010-10-12T14:44:00.000-07:00

McDonald’s Happy Meal resists decomposition for six months, by Brett Michael Dykes, The Upshot via Yahoo! News.

Vladimir Lenin, King Tut and the McDonald's Happy Meal: What do they all have in common? A shocking resistance to Mother Nature's cycle of decomposition and biodegradability, apparently.

That's the disturbing point brought home by the latest project of New York City-based artist and photographer Sally Davies, who bought a McDonald's Happy Meal back in April and left it out in her kitchen to see how well it would hold up over time.

The results? "The only change that I can see is that it has become hard as a rock," Davies told the U.K. Daily Mail.

She proceeded to photograph the Happy Meal each week and posted the pictures to Flickr to record the results of her experiment. Now, just over six months later, the Happy Meal has yet to even grow mold. She told the Daily Mail that "the food is plastic to the touch and has an acrylic sheen to it."

Yum!

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Size 16?

2010-10-12T10:41:00.000-07:00

5 Worst Halloween Candies (and 10 Best Survival Tips!), by David Zinczenko, Mens Health via Yahoo! Health.

A cocker spaniel weighs about 24 pounds. You know what else weighs 24 pounds? The heft of candy the average American gobbles down each year, a big chunk of that falling to our waistlines in the days before and after Halloween. Fun size? I don't think so—unless it's fun being size 16. These stats could very well turn you as white as a ghost:

* Three miniature Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups—the kind you find in office candy bowls and trick-or-treat-bags—fill your belly with more sugar than a glazed doughnut.

* Half a pack of Skittles has more sugar than a scoop of Haagen-Dazs Cookies and Cream Ice Cream.

* Nine Twizzlers carry as many calories as a Wendy’s Double Stack Burger.

First of all, I don't think I have eaten 24 pounds of candy during any year of my life. Second, I have hovered around a size 16 for much of the past decade. I thought my life was pretty fun . . . until David Zinczenko informed me otherwise, and warned me that candy statistics would make me turn white. If my love of Backstreet Boys hasn't done that yet, nothing will.

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No one threw coins at me, but . . .

2010-10-12T09:19:00.000-07:00

"This is about perspective, okay. [Straight white male Haley Barbour] simply can't have the same perspective of a black person who was living it daily, you know. And that's a major problem that we're having in America nowadays. People who are not a part of certain groups and minorities decide they can talk about that concerns those groups and minorities as if they know what they're talking about."

"Anything is possible when you smell like a monster and know the word 'on'."

2010-10-10T22:15:00.000-07:00

Grover Wants You to Smell Like a Monster, by Mike Krumboltz, The Buzz Log.

"I am on a horse."

"Moo."

"Cow."

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Musings from a Black Woman: Inception

2010-10-07T08:22:00.000-07:00

Joseph Gordon-Levitt was dreamy. Smiles!

(For deeper thoughts on Inception, look over here.)

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Welcome back, Grandpa.

2010-10-01T13:38:00.000-07:00

Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c

Aaron Sorkin