Same story, different day.

Update on the Dirty Girls Social Club Movie, and Lessons in Latinidad Real for Hollywood - Part One, by Alisa Valdes-Rodriguez, via Racialicious.

If you can't watch the video, Alisa talks about the difficulty of getting her bestselling book, The Dirty Girls Social Club, made into a movie. To sum up the situation, the white, non-Hispanic males who run every major movie studio don't think the six educated women in the novel are real Latinas. Because they're not "street". Plus, there isn't an A-list actress attached to the film yet. Why? Because the A-list Latina actresses have been advised by their management teams--more white males--not to play Latina roles. Nice.

None of this surprises me at all. However, every time I hear a story like this, whether in person or in print or online, the women telling the stories are usually shocked and hurt. These women have worked hard, played by the rules, paid their dues, achieved above and beyond their peers in their field, proved their talent, worth and potential. And still they get shot down. Every time. Just like they did at the end of my book. So weird that Alisa mentioned WWII movie Schindler's List, too. Hmm. Maybe I have The Shine. Either that or I can see the blatant, continual racism and sexism that persists in Hollywood.

I can't turn my head without seeing a story about how the success of Sex and the City: The Movie has proved that women can open big-budget films. Quoi? I didn't hear the same clamoring over Indiana Jones and the Senior Citizen proving that old white guys can still open action films. I actually had to hear Tattoo on Big Boy in the Morning whining about how terrible Sex and the City was--even though he went to see a completely different movie this weekend--because women who were over the age of 40 and/or overweight went to see the movie in groups and then talked about it. Also, Tattoo didn't like that the movie starred four "old" women. Thankfully Liz and Big Boy totally called him out on his insanity, considering Tattoo very recently had LAP-BAND surgery to combat the 280+ pounds of fat on his own body.

Back to Dirty Girls. I love this book so much that it has been my signature gift to all of my closest friends, who have also loved it. It clearly has an audience in multiple countries. Yet, the movie can't get made because the characters aren't "real Latinas", "we don't get the whole Latino thing", and "nobody would want to see the fat girl get the guy", even though about 15% of the US population is Hispanic, and (allegedly) approximately 62 percent of female Americans are considered overweight.

So what kind of woman is acceptable for mass consumption? Last Comic Standing's Esther Ku. I knew I wasn't the only one who didn't like her.

"Chopsticks"! "Ching chong"! Even though she's Korean. Ha! "I don't want to marry an Asian guy; I like regular people." The hilarity!

Ugh.

.

I certainly feel safer. Don't you?

I learned about this story today from Big Boy in the Morning on Power 106. As Big Boy and Jeff Garcia suggested, if you want to take more than 3 ounces of liquid onto your flight, give it to your monkey?

Man smuggles monkey onto NYC-bound plane, AP.

A man smuggled a monkey onto an airplane Tuesday, stashing the furry fist-size primate under his hat until passengers spotted it perched on his ponytail, an airline official said. The monkey escapade began in Lima, Peru, late Monday, when the man boarded a flight to Fort Lauderdale, said Spirit Airlines spokeswoman Alison Russell. After landing Tuesday morning, the man waited several hours before catching a connecting flight to LaGuardia Airport.

During the flight, people around the man noticed that the marmoset, which normally lives in forests and eats fruit and insects, had emerged from underneath his hat, Russell said.

"Other passengers asked the man if he knew he had a monkey on him," she said.

The monkey spent the remainder of the flight in the man's seat and behaved well, said Russell, who didn't know how it skirted customs and security...

I can't imagine a monkey got past security. It boggles the mind. Maybe the TSA agents were distracted by a pair of flip flops or a suspicious tube of Preparation H.

In case you're not feeling safer yet, here are the New Policies for Lighters, Electronics, and Breast Milk.

In an effort to concentrate resources on detecting explosive threats, TSA will no longer ban common lighters in carry-on luggage as of August 4, 2007...


Q. Are lighters not a threat anymore?

A. Lighters are not a serious threat. Lifting the ban is a common sense, risk-based security decision. This change allows officers to focus on finding explosives and IED components.

What about the liquids?

Q. Does your lighter need to be in a baggie since it contains liquid?

A. No. TSA's common-sense approach harmonizes with worldwide standards for lighters.

Common sense. Ha! But what about the worldwide standards for liquids?

Q. Why is breast milk not a threat?

A. Breast milk is a medical necessity and it is being classified as such. It must be declared at the checkpoint.


Q. How do you ensure liquid explosives disguised as breast milk or medications are not brought through the checkpoint?

A. Since September 2006, certain liquid medications have been permitted at the checkpoint as long as they are declared to security officers and are subject to additional screening.

Why can't the agents do additional screening on my Aquafina so I don't have to spend $2.75 on a bottle of water?

To recap: Monkeys and lighters? Okay! Frappuccinos? No.

Someone needs to listen to...

...Big Boy in the Morning. Because I do. That's how I know Defamer should check its facts before re-reporting stories:

K-Fed Learns From Britney Mistakes, Targets Baby Momma With Active Income And Radio Connections.

Kevin Federline, proud possessor of some of the most potent baby-batter in all of pimpdom, has pulled no punches in trying to negotiate custody of his children away from their increasingly unhinged mother, who will now only communicate through angry couplets scribbled into a spiral notebook and cryptic messages on her website. The National Enquirer, meanwhile, reports the "PopoZão" singer may have already found his next baby momma:

[Jeannette Walls of MSNBC reports] "The aspiring rocker has been dating Los Angeles hip-hop radio personality Liz Hernandez, according to the National Enquirer."

However, the main topic in Big Boy's Neighborhood this morning was how Liz clearly is not dating Kevin Federline. The Liz and K-Fed story is being reported all over the world, but according to Liz, it's false. Supposedly Liz recently started dating some non-famous guy whom Big and the Neighborhood refer to as "Sebastian LaFontaine" on the air, so as not to reveal his true identity. Liz and Big and Jeff and Tattoo were feeling all guilty, because they knew they have regularly reported celebrity rumors as facts before, just like the rest of the media is now doing with Liz.

In Defamer's defense, the story was originally reported by the news organization who has employed Joe Scarborough, Tucker Carlson, and Don Imus: MSNBC. And MSNBC's main source was The National Enquirer. Hmm.

This turn of events has inspired me to create my own unsubstantiated celebrity rumor. Which sketchy, recently separated "artist" with multiple baby mommas should I attach myself to?

Also, because these amused me: Separated By The L Word and Separated By Gay Hair, from Perez Hilton.

Hey! There's someone I could attach myself to, Kathy Griffin-style. Zac, not Perez, ew. And don't call the cops on me, people: Zac is 19.

I can see the headlines now:

BAD NEWS FOR VANESSA: Z-EF HAS A NEW LOVE.

According to STEVE THE PENGUIN--the premium source for self-righteous snark on pop culture and politics--the star of High School Musical and Hairspray has ended his relationship with fellow teen sensation Vanessa Hudgens, and has been spotted around town with low-profile Hollywood assistant Bianca Erin-Dempsey.

"Zac is definitely thrilled with Bianca," says a source. "He talks about her all the time — how smart she is, how she's marketed herself so well, and how beautiful she is. He's serious about her."

"Bianca is trying to keep [the romance] quiet because she doesn’t want it to get around work, but Zac can’t help but brag about his new worldly girlfriend to his friends and family," the source told STEVE THE PENGUIN. "He has watched every one of Bianca's derivative student films in his home. She likes to watch him cook, and Zac loves that because he could never express his culinary side with Vanessa" says the source, who adds that Erin-Dempsey thinks Efron's contractual obligation to The Disney Channel is "adorable."