Why I blog:

1. The book. Hellooo. We've got product to move. Tell a friend!

2. I have something to say. I have a lot to say. Sometimes I even exhaust myself with my wit and charm.

3. I get to entertain and educate you readers. The mainstream media is sorely failing when my re-reporting is more informative than their news outlets. Which brings me to:

Exposed, by Emily Gould at The New York Times Magazine, with the subtitle, "What I gained — and lost — by writing about my intimate life online."

Almost anyone with a working blog has voiced their opinion on this 10-page(!) article. To sum it up, former Gawker/current Jezebel blogger Emily cheated on her live-in boyfriend Henry with her then-coworker Josh (author of the enlightening two-part article, How To Meet A Prostitute), who later wrote his own version of their subsequent break-up for Page Six Magazine. Then Emily spent 10 pages telling the NYT Magazine audience about her "oversharing" problem . . . by oversharing yet again.

I don't know what Emily learned from writing this piece for a formerly reputable news source. I know what I learned: if you're young, skinny, white, American and tattooed like Emily and Josh, you get to represent your entire generation in the mainstream media. Of course, the only people who believe that you actually represent anyone besides your navel-gazing selves are the out-of-touch editors who hired you in the first place.

The New York Times Magazine should have learned from the failure of NBC's quarterlife before exposing (hee hee) the world to Emily's article. Maybe they'll get a clue after slogging through the online version's 1121 (and counting) comments.

To clarify, I'm not suggesting that prominent magazines not feature bloggers. If The Advocate would like to reprint my letter to Lance Bass, you know where to reach me. But for reals, there are countless young, talented American shedding light on important issues like health care and social justice and corporate greed and human rights. I would prefer the definitive voice of my generation (in the eyes of The New York Times) be someone recognized for her political activism, rather than someone best known for getting harassed on CNN by Jimmy Kimmel.

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Picks and pans

Award-Winner Spike Lee Blazes New Trails in Acceptance-Speech Racial Tension, from Defamer.

I had given up on Mr. Lee after sitting through Bamboozled and avoiding She Hate Me on principle alone (note to Spike: lesbians don't line up to have sex with men). Now he's back to making some sense.

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Making girls skinnier, one Sweet Valley High book at a time, by Jessica at Feminisiting.

. . . it seems that Random House is re-releasing the series with a new modern twist: skinnier twins . . .

In a side-by-side column comapring the 1983 version of the book with the present one, publishers write that the previous characters were a "perfect size 6." Now, they're a "perfect size 4." Charming.

Yes, this is terrible. However, the article did lead me to the insightful comments following the original Gawker post. It also led me to these sites: The Dairi Burger, and Elizabeth and Jessica are better than you. by 1bruce1. Oh, the hilarity. Here is my favorite recap so far: SVT Super Edition #4: The Unicorns Go Hawaiian. Ellen is funny!

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Speaking of funny, two of today's three Steve Harvey Strawberry Letters:

Strawberry Letter #2 Subject: I Thought My Behind Wiping Days Were Over

Good morning Shirley, Steve, Tommy and welcome back Carla. I listen to your morning show faithfully and besides the prank phone calls the Strawberry letters are my next favorite thing about the show. I never thought in a million years that I would be writing to get help. Here's my problem. My husband and I have been married for almost two years, we've been together for seven. My husband and I have gone through good and bad times, but from where my husband has come from and where he is now I thank God. He is a loving husband and father (to children that aren't biologically his) and will do anything for his family to make sure that we have what we need. And I love him for that.

My problem is do I love him enough to continue to wipe his behind when he goes to the bathroom and does number 2? My husband has put on a few pounds since we've been together and he can't reach back there and anymore (his short arms don't help). I can't even tell you how it started or why it's continues. All I keep thinking about is in sickness and in health to death due us part. It's making me sick, affecting my health and I'm about to die. Even our daughters make fun of him now. Like if he's in the bathroom and he calls my name they say "mom, dad can't wipe himself again." And I thought we were being so discreet, but I guess they can hear me in there saying "Oh my God, this don't make no sense." I don't know, it's like automatic now. I don't think he even tries. I've asked him to try this way and that way and he always says he can't reach. I tell him that I'm a doggone good wife, because if anything were to ever happen to us you ain't going to find another woman to wipe your behind. Or is he?

Am I the only wife that does this for her husband? Is there a club I can join to help me to help him? Morning show as you can see in the beginning of my letter I have a great husband and I know good men are hard to come by. We're both working on losing weight. Mine seems to be coming off a little faster than his. But then I'll ask him what he had for lunch and he'll say somehting crazy. I mean his weight is coming off, but not fast enough where he can reach his own behind. PLEASE HELP. Signed BLANK AND TIRED

Strawberry Letter #3 Subject: Is My Husband In Love With His Cousin?

Dear Steve & Shirley I have a serious problem with my husband of 7yrs almost eight years he seems to be in love with his cousin. I can not get him to spend any time with me he's always on the phone with his cousin. They call each other in the morning in the afternoon and at night. If I say anything about her or the situation he gets upset. When we do go out together she calls and he sits and talk to her instead of focusing on us. Anytime I want to just sit and talk to him she calls and he leaves me and goes in our back room in the dark and lay in bed and talk to her. He recently told me that he has traded me for her. He talks about me to her and makes her feel I am this terrible person.

Last year they made plans with out me for her to come and visit he totally ignored me while she was here and everything was about her it was like he didnt even want me around. Then one night we were sitting together in our living room she gave him the eye and they got up went out side at 12:00 am to talk and left me sitting in the living room.

That was last year now this past week they planned another visit this time I didnt know anything about it until 3 days before she was to arrive he had the nerve to ask me to clean the room for her and he was taking days off from work to spend time with her. I orginally told him no I would not clean the room for her to stay in my home again after they disrespected me the first time that's when he told me they would stay in a hotel TOGETHER can you believe that. He later apologized for not telling me and his reason he claims is because I would ruin his time with her. So the cousin came they went out to eat the whole time she was here they even went on a cruise together and to the movies and wherever else each night. He would not come home until I had gone to bed because apparently she was uncomfortable being around me. They would also take a shower every night as soon as they come in something I thought was strange. She barely even spoke to me and he was ok with that he said it's my fault and I need to apologize to him and her for even thinking something is going on between them.

STEVE & SHIRLEY PLEASE HELP I AM CONFUSED AND HURT! AM I JUST OVER REACTING???? WHAT SHALL I DO?????

Sad sad people making my life look good. :)

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Zack, Slater and Screech?

I heart Defamer: Who's The Hollywood Trio On Drugs? from their sister site Gawker.

Today's Page Six wonders: "WHICH Hollywood trio of friends is in trouble? One is on crack, one's on smack, and the other cheats so much on his wife that he single-handedly is supporting several hookers..."

My favorite part, as always, is the comments section. Read and enjoy. I love the "Jessica, Elizabeth, Lila" suggestion, and the jealous Enid follow-up. If you don't know who those people are, I suggest you take a trip to Sweet Valley.

Speaking of comments, I'll respond to those from you readers soon. I'm off to beddy-bye now.

That's My Funday

Stories I liked today:

w00t Team Brown! We're not fugly!, from Sepia Mutiny, which is a commentary on Obama Shocker:Long-Haired Barry Is American Idol, from Wonkette:

There’s growing evidence that American Idol sensation Sanjaya Malakar and Decision 2008 sensation Barry Hussein Obama are the same person.

I wonder what Mr. Macaca Goldstein, who thankfully lost his his Senate seat in Virginia last year, would have to say about that.

The story that's still going strong: Imus called women's basketball team "nappy-headed hos", from Media Matters, which has quite a collection of articles on Don Imus. And the latest from Yahoo! News, CBS radio, MSNBC to suspend Imus 2 weeks.

How The Gawker Stalker Map Works: A Guide for Dummies, Outraged Famous People And Old Folk, from Gawker. It's a response to last Friday's Larry King Live, where the host of The Man Show (Jimmy Kimmel), Michael Jackson's attorney (Mark Geragos) and Isaiah Washington's publicist (Howard Bragman) ganged up on Gawker editor Emily Gould to lecture her about the evils of gossiping about celebrities, i.e. the same people they interview and represent for a living, respectively. You can watch the video here, courtesy of Jossip.

For some reason, I thought I would revisit Penelope Trunk's blog since I hadn't read it in a few months. Yes, that Penelope Trunk. I scrolled down and found a post called This is a replacement for the post that used to be here. I read the comments that followed, but I couldn't figure out what had happened exactly to warrant such a retraction. So I did a Google search and found these articles: Tories sack woman for having breast cancer, from the f-word (scroll down for relevant topic); When Career Expert Rivalries Turn Ugly, from mediabistro.com; and Jennifer Weiner's latest post on her blog, SnarkSpot. I then came to the conclusion that in her orginal post, Ms. Trunk had called Leslie Bennetts, author of The Feminine Mistake, "SO INCREDIBLY FAT!!!", capital letters and exclamation points by Ms. Trunk. She also linked to a picture of Ms. Bennetts to emphasize her assertion. Ms. Trunk then dismissed the thrust of Ms. Bennetts' novel--that mothers and other women should have careers and take care of themselves, instead of depending on a man for financial security--based on the assumption that Ms. Bennetts is not following her own advice and taking care of herself...because she is "fat."

Hmm.

After reading that, you know I had to find that original post. I'm no expert on the interwebs. (Obviously. I still can't figure out how to change my blog's color from pink to purple.) But I knew that if Pajiba could rebuild its entire website from cached searches after the Department of Homeland Security snatched their server, I could find one embarrassing blog post. And I did.

Wow. I'm not posting it or linking to it here, but I'm sure you clever readers can Google cache the horror for yourselves.

Look out, Don Imus. If only there were an Al Sharpton of fat people that Penelope could apologize to.

Speaking of which, who elected Mr. Sharpton as the spokesperson for the "nappy-headed hos," "hardcore hos," "rough girls," Rutgers basketball players, or for the black population in general? I don't listen to Al's radio show. I don't know any black people who do. And even if I did, who said that Al Sharpton represents all of us? I know Al does not speak for me as a black person, nor as a woman who grows nappy hair.

Don needs to get himself over to Oprah. Two birds, one stone. Maybe have Sheryl Swoopes on the show at the same time to cover the basketball angle.