Musings from a Black Woman: I need a Black Best Friend

Black Best Friend with Casey Wilson from Casey Wilson

"Long Island?!"


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The best part of my Thanksgiving:

hanging out with people who know why it is bizarre to only have friends who look exactly like you.

Seriously. It has been difficult to find someone who doesn't think it is normal and natural to primarily associate with people who look like you, regardless of whether those people have anything else in common with you.

Here is a story to illustrate my situation and my point. Let's say I moved to a new neighborhood named Sesame Street. Who are the people in your neighborhood? There are Big Birds and Snuffleupaguses and Counts and various monsters and domestic partners and grouches. Let's say I'm a frog. I could hang out with Kermit and his nephew Robin, but they are often busy with The Muppet Show on another set. I could hang out with the other characters in my neighborhood, who seem nice overall. The problem is, those characters tend to segregate themselves by gender or by category: the boys, the monsters, the birds, the grouches. It's hard enough to break into a clique. It's even harder when many of these characters have never before met--much less befriended--any frogs before; and previously, their closest encounter was with those burping Budweiser frogs from the TV.

So, if 1) the other frogs are rarely in my neighborhood, and 2) the people in my neighborhood are confuzzled by frogs in general, then who am I supposed to hang out with? :(

I encourage you readers to take an honest look at the people in your lives. If you look to your left, then you look to your right, and your closest friends are near carbon copies of you--down to the highlights in your hair, or the lack of hair all together--you should think about that. Just like the employees at Enron failed to diversify their 401K portfolios, your homogeneous friend investment could lead to high vulnerability. But most importantly, frogs are super nice and sometimes shy, so you should try to include them, i.e., me. :)

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Who went to see Backstreet Boys tonight?

I did!

It was awesome for many reasons. Here are the top two:

1. Kevin came back! He made a surprise appearance during the last song, "Shape of My Heart."

2. Going to this concert with my friends helped me feel better about who I am and what I am about. Apparently I'm all about Backstreet Boys. I will have to add that to my value proposition, because it needs some padding right about now.

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Like and Do

There is a difference. I just found Do and I like it. :)

Stuff White People Like.

stuff white people do.

For example, here are some things that White People (supposedly) Like:

• Being Offended


• San Francisco


• Multilingual Children

Here are some things that (some) white people do:

• name foreign places after themselves


• forget the whiteness of the bomb


• teach their children to steal

Happy reading!

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Moving on

Since the moment I graduated from college and became an official grown-up, it has gotten harder and harder to both make new friends and to keep the old ones. I'm a congenial person, albeit a quirky one. But outside the bubble of shared classes, dining tables and residence halls, it's difficult to find people who share your interests and want to socialize with you on a regular basis. The even bigger challenge is maintaining those elusive relationships once you find them.

One of my best friends in the whole world is moving away from me. Again. She found a new job in a new place that is closer to her family. I'm going to miss her a lot.

She holds the special position both as the friend that I have fought with the most, and as the only friend who tells me, "I love you."

She was the friend that held my hand the time a huge, infected bump appeared out of nowhere on my forehead and an emergency room doctor had to slice it open. That was a very scary time.

She thinks I have magical powers, including the ability to answer numerous questions that philosophy experts still haven't figured out. Despite my explanations of how hard the GMAT is, she told me she knows I'll get into business school because I'm "smart." She also insisted that I cut her hair last weekend, even though I have absolutely no training whatsoever, professional or otherwise. I was so afraid we would be reenacting that "Dye! Dye! My Darling" episode of Daria (which actually wasn't about Daria destroying Jane's hair as much as it was about Daria stealing Jane's boyfriend...). Anyway, my friend had no doubt that I would style her hair in the way she requested, despite my complete lack of experience. (Plus, she doesn't have a boyfriend, and I highly doubt I'd try to steal him if she did. Different strokes and all.)

Strangely enough, she always seems satisfied with my answers, and she was pleased with her hair. She consistently has the confidence in me that I often forget to have in myself.

I've seen her grow so much in the past year, dealing with the obstacles placed in her path, and trying to rise above them with insight and maturity. I'm very proud of her, and I hope she finds the happiness that she deserves in her new home.