"Anything is possible when you smell like a monster and know the word 'on'."

Grover Wants You to Smell Like a Monster, by Mike Krumboltz, The Buzz Log.

"I am on a horse."

"Moo."

"Cow."

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The best part of my Thanksgiving:

hanging out with people who know why it is bizarre to only have friends who look exactly like you.

Seriously. It has been difficult to find someone who doesn't think it is normal and natural to primarily associate with people who look like you, regardless of whether those people have anything else in common with you.

Here is a story to illustrate my situation and my point. Let's say I moved to a new neighborhood named Sesame Street. Who are the people in your neighborhood? There are Big Birds and Snuffleupaguses and Counts and various monsters and domestic partners and grouches. Let's say I'm a frog. I could hang out with Kermit and his nephew Robin, but they are often busy with The Muppet Show on another set. I could hang out with the other characters in my neighborhood, who seem nice overall. The problem is, those characters tend to segregate themselves by gender or by category: the boys, the monsters, the birds, the grouches. It's hard enough to break into a clique. It's even harder when many of these characters have never before met--much less befriended--any frogs before; and previously, their closest encounter was with those burping Budweiser frogs from the TV.

So, if 1) the other frogs are rarely in my neighborhood, and 2) the people in my neighborhood are confuzzled by frogs in general, then who am I supposed to hang out with? :(

I encourage you readers to take an honest look at the people in your lives. If you look to your left, then you look to your right, and your closest friends are near carbon copies of you--down to the highlights in your hair, or the lack of hair all together--you should think about that. Just like the employees at Enron failed to diversify their 401K portfolios, your homogeneous friend investment could lead to high vulnerability. But most importantly, frogs are super nice and sometimes shy, so you should try to include them, i.e., me. :)

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Oh, the hilarity.

First, Neil Patrick Harris Is The Greatest Fairy In All The Land, from Defamer. I do enjoy my NPH.

Second, today's Strawberry Letter 23 from The Steve Harvey Morning Show. There will be a different letter posted on the site tomorrow, so I will quote it here so you can read it, too. Emphases mine; typos, poor grammar and general insanity hers:

STRAWBERRY LETTER FOR TODAY
Date: 02/19/2008
Subject: Bi-Sexual or Just Stupid

Dear Steve: I am a african american 39 year old woman and a working mother with 2 daughters. So here is the deal…I married my "soon to be ex-husband" 3 years ago. Before I married him, he told me about some legal issues that he needed to clear up. The legal issues at the time were burlary, and hit and run accident with another car. Once we were married, I found out that the burlary charge was due to him house sitting for a bi-sexual man with a wife and children. He said that he woke up to this man trying to touch him, and he was so angry that he left and came back with a buddy and burglarized his house.

The second incident was after we were married, we had an argument over me going out with some girlfriends with our kids to have 'mommy and kids' day. I came back after a day at the park and he was gone. After I realized he was gone, I went out myself only to come back in at 1:30am and my room door was locked. He forgot that I had a key, so I went on in after I did not get a response, only to find him butter-ball naked with his underwear and my underwear on the floor in the same spot, and he was knocked-out drunk. I woke this FOOL up and asked him why is he naked in the room with my underwear on the floor, this fool said that he had them on to feel closer to me.

In August 2005, he cheated but I didn’t find out until April 2006 when I went for my pap that I had a STD. So when I confronted him, he said that he cheated back in August 2005, with a crack-head. I just want to say that I was treated, and by the grace of God, cured. Then I found out that he told one of his co-workers that he was molested as a boy and that led to all this.

Look Steve and Shirley, I know that this is strange, and I am no longer in this relationship. I had to do what was best for my children and myself. Pastors alway preach on how God don't like divorce, but I do know now that when you choose someone on your own because of where you are in life at that moment, you will pick anyone, and I am so grateful to the Lord for my spiritual convictions, because I knew after forgiving and getting back with him so many times after that, I made a mistake. Me and my girls have a better relationship and we talk about things daily. Even though I made mistakes, I am honest with my girls because I don't want them making the same mistakes I made.

Now my question is after all that, from your male point of view, and yours too Tommy: Is my soon-to-be ex-husband bi-sexual? Give it to me.

Hee hee hee! I didn't read all of the responses, but here is my favorite one, unedited:

Name: Milton Hill
Age: 39
Radio Station: WBLS 107.5 FM New York, NY

I know you asked for the Morning Crew to give it to you straight but I'm gonna put my 2 cents up in here too.... Your question as for if your man is bi-sexual should not be asked. Your question should be..."WHERE CAN I FIND A DIVORCE LAWYER QUIK! Who cares if he says he is or is not. Bro Ham done went and creeped with a CRACK HEAD! That was more than enough of a hint for you to pack yo gear and BOUNCE! Not to be incredibly criticle but what kind of stupidity are you really workin with? Leave the town you and your kids are in and don't leave a forwarding address. Tell his family that you moves to Minnesota to be with Prince and the Revolution.

Does Prince know she's coming?
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