"If you don't want to be associated with white collar crime, maybe you shouldn't dress that way."

"It's okay. I can say that. Some of my best friends are white men in suits."


.

"Welcome to Kittens and Kale."

Comedy Central

"You're in Mr. Nibbles's section. He's a rescue."


Oh, hipsters.


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It's not "if", but "when".

Comedy Central

"There's a greater chance that, because of the lack of opportunities there are for minority actors, I will have to be in a Tyler Perry production . . . It's when I have to. Angela Bassett won an Oscar."

That's exactly what I was thinking, Wyatt! Although Angela Bassett hasn't actually won an Oscar, she was nominated for one, and did win a Golden Globe for What's Love Got to Do With It. Yet, she has starred in a Tyler Perry movie. With Rick Fox. And Sofia Vergara? Who knew? (I didn't. I've only seen one Tyler Perry movie, and that was enough.)

I think of other notable black celebrities like Idris Elba, Whoopi Goldberg, Taraji P. Henson, Janet Jackson, Thandie Newton, Blair Underwood, Gabrielle Union, Mrs. Huxtable and Maya Angelou! Maya Angelou, national treasure and recipient of the Presidential Medal of Freedom, was in a Tyler Perry movie. Not even the prestigious one.

"These are people who presumably, they, the world should be their oyster. And instead, they're like, 'I gotta make rent. All right, do you want me to put the dress on, Tyler? Oh, you're gonna wear it? Okay, fair enough.'" 

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"You funny!"

From Comedy Central's Hot List 2010:

Chelsea Peretti: You're a lady, correct?

Natasha Leggero: Correct! Um, yes. I'm very excited to be a lady.

Chelsea: Oh, god, who isn't?

Natasha: You do a lot of shows with ladies, right?

Chelsea: Well, let's play nice. I hate ladies as much as the next lady.

Natasha: [laughing]

Chelsea: But, people do think it's like a compliment to say, "You're funny. You're the funniest girl." Or usually, here's what I get--

Natasha: "Usually I don't think women are funny."

Chelsea: "Usually I don't think women are funny," yeah.

Natasha: "But you--"

Chelsea: "But you, however--"

Natasha: "You funny!"

Chelsea: "You were pretty funny."

Natasha: "For a woman."

Chelsea: I hate it when someone says, "You're pretty funny." Like, I don't need that thrown in the mix, the "pretty funny". The intros are always the worst.

Natasha: "You guys ready for a lady?"

Chelsea: "You ready for a lady?" Like this freak show's about to march onstage.

Natasha: [laughing]

Chelsea: The worst is they're like, "She's lovely, and she's funny." And then you like trot out in a little dress and tap shoes. It's like such a stressful intro.

Natasha: [laughing]

Chelsea: This is so fun. We should hang out more.

Natasha: Uh, yeah, this is a nice place.

Chelsea: Do you want to hang out more, er . . .

Natasha: You know, I'm actually really busy right now.

Chelsea: Okay, okay.

Oh, funny ladies.


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"At McDonald's, I'm like Matthew McConaug-hee."

Night of Too Many Stars	Thursday, October 21, 2010
Jim Gaffigan - Flesh Colored Suit
www.comedycentral.com
Ugly Americans New Episodes Nick Swardson's Pretend Time Night of Too Many Stars

"That's right, folks. This is what a size 38 waist looks like. Read it and weep, y'all."

I do love McDonald's fries. Don't hate.


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For every girl and woman

who has been told to sit down, I will continue to stand-up.

Today I watched a Janeane Garofalo special on Comedy Central. It was one that I had seen many times before. I realized how much of an effect her comedy had on me when I was growing up, along with the comedy of other women like Rosie and Ellen and Margaret and Judy and Wanda, and the comedy of many funny gentlemen as well. The topics and situations and pain that they talked about on stage made me feel like I wasn't the only idiot thinking about the same issues.

I often forget that my words and my actions have an effect on other people. I received a few reminders of that this week. So I will keep doing what I've been doing. Though it would be nice if someone left a comment on here, readers. :)

.

My favorite Aziz Ansari joke, for now.

Jokes.com
Aziz Ansari - Glad You Like the Show
comedians.comedycentral.com
Roast of David Hasselhoff It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia Russell Simmons Presents Stand-Up Comedy

"Your dad . . . left you alone with a grown man with a full beard at Walking with Dinosaurs! Clearly I'm out here scouting, and you are my man!"

Readers, if you happen to be a parent, do not be that parent. All the therapy sessions in the world could never erase that moment in your child's life, when he realizes you left him alone with a man who tells jokes for a living.

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"Some of us are the President of the United States of America!"

Jokes.com
Eric Andre - Ray Ray
comedians.comedycentral.com
Futurama New Episodes It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia Russell Simmons Stand-Up Comedy

"What is this Puerto Rican kid complainin' about? Boo hoo, Puerto Rico."

I'm not a president of anything, but I am creative and passionate, and I do a whole lot with what I have been given. I also read books!

That was the best thing I have seen all week. Yes, I know it's only Monday. I am already predicting that nothing I see Tuesday through Saturday will top this video. And if I see something better, well then hooray for me.

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"You don't know me. You have no idea."

Jokes.com
Ryan Hamilton - White Chris Rock
comedians.comedycentral.com
Futurama New Episodes Ugly Americans Funny TV Comedy Blog

I think I do, Ryan. I think I do. Leper, greasy cell phone, sarcasm in a heel click? Been there, done that.

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"You've got a gift, my friend. Don't hide that in a bushel basket."

Jokes.com
Wanda Sykes - Politically Correct
comedycentral.com
Joke of the Day Stand-Up Comedy Free Online Games

My two videos of the day. "Hot Pockets!"

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