Funny ladies who inspire me

Janeane Garofalo and Maria Bamford recently visited Jackie Kashian in The Dork Forest podcast, and their conversation made my day. It's nice to hear people talking about issues like the challenges of women working in the entertainment industry and financial management (and beads!).

Thank you, Janeane, Maria, and Jackie, for continuing to provide me with positive, quirky, distinctive images of funny ladies in media, images that I hope will increase in number and influence in the future.


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The best Suze Orman call yet.

Yes, Elf School. No, Orlando Bloom from Lord of the Rings will not be there.


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The wrong way to spend your money

For those of you who cannot view the video, a 26-year-old lawyer living in Manhattan calls into The Suze Orman Show during the "Can I Afford It?" segment. He would like to spend $35,000 to upgrade his wife's engagement ring from 1 carat to 3 carat, in order to "give the impression of success." He calls himself "pretty conservative about many things" but the ring is "an investment piece."

$35,000? On a diamond? He needs to buy himself some gold bars, like the one Hank received on the pilot episode of Royal Pains. This man has the same problem as public-school-Taylor from NYC Prep: spending money you don't have will not impress people who would never like you anyway.

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You cannot afford it!

I need my own show.

I was watching The Suze Orman Show a few weeks ago, as I am prone to do, and I just don't know what is wrong with some people. Most of the guests that talk to Suze in the first segment usually want help and are eager to take Suze's sound advice. However, last night's guest was living in a fantasy world inspired by The Real Housewives of Orange County. She and her husband were emerged in a lifestyle that cost them twice what they earned per month. They also had over $230,000 of credit card debt. Yet this woman, who was physically on the show asking Suze, wanted to ignore Suze's advice. Instead of selling everything and moving into a small apartment that her family could afford, she wanted to keep the overstuffed, overblown mansion and the belongings that she didn't actually own.

This week, a woman called in to the "Can I Afford It?" segment and wanted to spend $1200 on a professional resume writer. $1200? Ummm . . .

People need to call into my imaginary show so I can give them advice. Here are the exclamations that you will hear from me every Saturday night from 6:00 to 7:00 pm:

• Preach the word, Suze!

• That's what I'm saying!

• Diversification!

• Don't get a second mortgage to lease a second car!

• Sign the prenup!

• Get your own retirement account!

• You can't live in your vintage sports car/Chanel bag/used speedboat/Christian Louboutin shoes!

• Move your money out of the stock market if you are ready to retire!

• How are you calling into The Suze Orman Show with credit card debt? Pay off your credit cards!

Unfortunately the people who call Suze can't hear me through the TV.

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Two of my favorite things

Suze Orman and Stephen Colbert. Skip to 6:38 to watch the funny. Can Stephen afford it? Show me the money.

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