Sunday, September 26, 2010

"Let's leave New Jersey out of this."

"That's what the Constitution should have said."


BT-dubs, I forgot he was black, too (at 4:25). That's the power of Fred Armisen.


That's what I'm saying, Andy.


Friday, September 24, 2010

Someday I'll testify before Congress in character

Maybe we could offer more visas to the immigrants who, let's face it, will probably be doing these jobs anyway. And this improved legal status might allow immigrants recourse if they're abused. And it just stands to reason to me that if your co-worker can't be exploited, then you're less likely to be exploited yourself.

And that itself might improve pay and working conditions on these farms. And eventually Americans may consider taking these jobs again.

Or maybe that's crazy. Maybe the easier answer is just to have scientists develop vegetables that pick themselves. The genetic engineers at Fruit of the Loom have made great strides in human-fruit hybrids.

The point is, we have to do something because I am not going back out there. At this point I break into a cold sweat at the sight of a salad bar.

Stephen Colbert Hearing (VIDEO): Updates From Colbert's Visit To Congress, Jason Linkins, The Huffington Post.


Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Sunday, September 12, 2010

Coming Soon

Will Hollywood ever make a 'Virginity Hit' about teenage girls? by Karen Valby,

The low-budget, everyboy comedy The Virginity Hit, about a group of high school horndogs trying to help their buddy lose his virginity, hit select theaters this weekend. (In my hometown Austin, it was playing at just one megaplex at 9:30.) The Will Ferrell/Adam McKay-produced dweebathon is the latest installment to the canon of films about sweaty white boys on a quest to get laid. American Pie, Porky’s, Weird Science, Superbad, Sixteen Candles… The list is long, stuffed with awkward boys and uncomfortable erections and frantic high fives. As in the case of The Virginity Hit, there are always a bevy of unusually attractive girls on the story’s margins. The titular virgin in The Virginity Hit, unknown Matt Bennett, is the recognizably awkward center of his circle of harmless dips*#t friends. Of course his girlfriend is smoking hot, as are all the other girls who inexplicably hang around this pimply crew. In one ridiculous scene the girls don bikinis and smush their boobs against windows at a car wash fundraiser to get porn star Sunny Leone to sleep with Matt. Such generous, comely friends. Come on girls! Don’t you have soccer practice or something? Raise funds for your junior year abroad instead! Male screenwriters are marvelous revisionist thinkers.

So here’s some questions I asked myself in between scenes of bong hits and frat parties. Can anyone out there imagine a similar movie in which a crew of good-natured, dumpy girls obsess unapologetically about sex? Where the object of their desire is not some princess fantasy of first kiss or a prom date or a wedding ring—but rather the uncomplicated thrill of experience.

[ . . . ]

Would you want to see a similar movie like this for high school or college girls?

Yes I would. In fact, I would write that movie. Getting it made would be another story.


Monday, September 06, 2010

"There is nothing more American . . ."

Than an overprivileged businessman in a pink tie.

Also, cheeseburgers. Yum.


Sunday, September 05, 2010

"I know we shouldn't say this to one another as black people, but . . . "

"There is nothing about you that says 'computer' . . . or 'school.'"

My favorite part of The Original Kings of Comedy. Oh, the funny.


Friday, September 03, 2010

I never realized that.

From the episode of TV One on One featuring Debbie Allen:

Cathy Hughes: I want to talk about all these various hats that you have worn and wear and do so well. A Different World, the TV series, did so much to glorify and showcase our young people in college life. I also read that when you took over producing and directing that you had a rule that there would be no hair weaves, no colored contact lenses, and no false eyelashes.

Debbie Allen: Or long nails, right. I stripped those girls down.

Cathy Hughes: You wanted them in their natural beauty.

Debbie Allen: Yeah, I wanted them to be natural. You know, I went to Howard University, honey. I was there when Angela Davis was walking with that beautiful, frizzy, beautiful mane of nappy beautiful hair. And I wanted this show to reflect the beauty of African-American women. And we had so many different kinds of women that were beautiful in many different ways. And they should allow that. Everybody shouldn't try to look the same. So I went in there and stripped them down, and the show became more real.

Cathy Hughes: And so popular. And it's also written that it helped increase black college enrollment, that black children saw the show and wanted to go to college for the first time.

Their conversation reminds of why I have never liked The Bachelor, The Bachelorette, or the skanky Bachelor Pad, a show that makes For the Love of Ray J look tasteful. Every woman (and most of the men) look like carbon copies of each other. It's not just that they are almost all white and between the ages of 21 and 35. Every woman on those shows look like they stepped off of the beauty pageant stage and on to Chris Harrison's television set. They seem less like human beings and more like characters from two of my favorite episodes of The Twilight Zone, original recipe: "Eye of the Beholder" and "Number 12 Looks Just Like You". Creepy.

If only black children, and other children, had Dwayne and Whitley and Ron and Kim and Freddie and Jaleesa to look up to today. Now they have Snooki, JWoww, and The Situation. It's a different world indeed.