I am a Stoner.

A Lucy Stoner, that is.

For the past two months, I have been fixated on this fact. Regarding most other issues, I think people should make their own decisions and select the path that is best for them. Like picking your favorite ice cream, supporting a World Cup team outside of your own country, or living a polyamorous lifestyle. You can choose your choice. Be you. Do what you do.

Except changing your name.

Don't do it.

I am so "free to be you and me" about many things, but about this, I am adamantly opposed. I have strong words and feelings. I have blogged about this before. I recently reread the very post I made three years ago on Feministe, probably my most commented-on post ever, and I giggled at my clever condemnations. I'm funny.

I have had an increasing number of friends, classmates, colleagues, and people I may have met before, either message me or request to connect with me on various social media sites, after they have changed their last name. My immediate internal reaction has been a perplexed, "who are you?" I am genuinely puzzled by individuals whom I either knew personally or in passing as "Jennifer Chang", who are now contacting me as "Jennifer Valenzuela", and expecting me to know who they are, without a note or a picture attached. Dude, give me a heads up. I wasn't invited to your wedding, so how am I supposed to know that you changed both your last name and your cultural heritage? Unless you have a striking first name like Fantasia or Ivanka or AnnaSophia, I'm going to need more to go on before I can attest that we "went to school together" or "associate with the same professional organization."

If I was invited to your wedding, thank you, friends! I still heart you, and I will call you whatever you like, even Princess Consuela Bananahammock.

For more on this subject, I direct you to these posts on Weddingbee, a division of eHarmony:

How to *Not* Change Your Last Name, by Mrs. Prairie Dog.

On Having Second Thoughts, by Mrs. Parasol.

Maiden Voyage, by Mrs. Bruschetta.

and

Not Changing, by Mrs. Cinnamon Bun.

These ladies are all much more polite in their musings than I am in mine.

Readers, feel free to share your own thoughts in the comments section!

.

How about this? Don't change your name.

Name change tricky for working women [I guess the change is simpler for the lazy bums who can't find a job?], at CNN.com/living [where the Women's issues are shoved] via AngryBlackBitch.

Well before her wedding, Lauren Abraham decided she would take her husband's last name, Mahoney.

First, she became Lauren Abraham Mahoney, then Lauren Mahoney, confusing her co-workers at Home Depot headquarters in Atlanta. The tedious legal process of switching her name took about nine months to complete.

Finally, more than a year after her wedding, the 29-year-old e-mailed 160 friends and acquaintances to alert them to a new e-mail account and clarify her identity.

"As I was meeting people over the last year with my new name, and I gave them my e-mail address, it was my old name, which they didn't know," she said.

Changing one's surname after marriage is still more common than not for women, often because they hope it will make for fewer complications in the long run, when they have children.

Except for the fact that 1 out of every 2 married couples will get divorced, and the husband, the wife and the kids might all end up with different names.

Leslie Levine, a health policy analyst, took a more gradual approach when she changed her name twice for two marriages over six years. She first used her maiden name as a middle name so the network of contacts she built up could find her.

After "two marriages over six years", one would think the impracticality of changing your name multiple times would sink in.

"There are costs of keeping your name and costs of changing your name and it's a matter of balancing the two," said [Harvard economist Claudia Goldin].

Other tips for changing your name after marriage include:

• Don't throw your old driver's license away for at least six months. It will help when traveling. Hotels, airlines or car rentals may have your old information, especially if you're using a travel agent through work.

• If you travel internationally, make sure your passport matches your ticket. A new passport can be ordered in the mail.

• Order extra certified copies of your marriage license. You'll need one when you change your name with Social Security.

• Change your Social Security card through the mail by downloading an application the Social Security Administration Web site. It may take longer, a few weeks, but you won't need to take a day off from work.

• Remember to change the title to your car, your voter registration, bank accounts, credit cards and subscriptions. Notify your college alumni office, frequent flier programs, etc.

That doesn't sound complicated at all! What I want to know is, Ms. Goldin, what exactly is the cost of keeping your name? The quiet disapproval of your uptight family and friends? Because you're going to get that no matter what you do.

I have been pondering this question for the past month, ever since another of my female Facebook friends got married, changed her name, and made me question yet again, "who the heck is so-and-so, and why is she my Facebook friend?" It's not like these people have distinctive first names, like AnnaSophia or Weeping Willow. So when they change their last names, their past identity is practically erased. They are now someone's wife, not an individual with a valid, vibrant past. Luckily these friends can't see me in person, because the disappointment is written all over my face. It's so sad.

I have many complex issues wrapped up in this name-changing situation, so come along with me for the ride. The train stops here for today, but next week, we will continue to chug along. Choo-choo!

.