Monday, January 31, 2011

Uncle Tom, Uncle Remus, and that guy from the Facebook movie

You know what's hilarious? A cocktail of misogyny and racism, mixed with a dollop of anti-Semitism and a dash of general body hatred.

Not Dean Edwards: Igor, man. Where'd you get that brain?

Jesse Eisenberg: Ah, from a woman who had just died.

Not Dean: What kind of woman?

Jesse: She worked at the DMV.

Not Dean: And what about the fingernails?

Jesse: From a cashier at Walgreens.

Not Dean: And where did you get the mouth?

Jesse: From a ho who didn't know her place.

The sketch continues:

Jesse: Master, I don't understand. Why doesn't he just tell her he's the man, and that she should do as he says?

Not Dean: You ever been with a sista?

Jesse: No.

Not Dean: Then you wouldn't understand.

Jesse: I've just been with Jewish girls.

Not Dean: Then you kinda understand.

Jesse: Yes.

Jesse Eisenberg, do you kiss you bubbe with that mouth? Speaking of bubbes, I should give a shout-out to my own: Hello! Thank you for reading. :) Who am I kidding? My grandmother doesn't read my blog. She doesn't even own a computer.

If only Igor and Dr. Frankenstein and his monster could find some more docile women to associate with, for example, some imaginary Asian women who will blow them in public bathrooms. I'm just saying.

Just when I was feeling happy about being me. But yet again, in the words of Joan Holloway, "No matter how powerful we get around here, they can just draw another cartoon."


Sunday, January 30, 2011

Somebody help that baby.

"Very tired."

I hear you, kid.


Tuesday, January 25, 2011

So right again, Stephen T. Colbert

The Colbert ReportMon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
The Word - Coverage of Denial
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"If you're really good at pretending, maybe you can get a job as a Republican member of Congress. Because pretending to help you is apparently a big part of what they do."


Wednesday, January 19, 2011

"You'll be the talk of your tailgate."

The Colbert ReportMon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
Coma Cozy
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I know I'll be talking about you, behind your back and to your face. Those are oversized baby pajamas! You cannot wear adult onesies outside of your house.


Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Apparently, it's always a good night for me.

"I wanna remember my night, and sometimes I just don't. And it sucks. So you're like, 'What did I do? Why did I end up in a garbage can?'"

End up in a garbage can? Are you sure that's not where your night began, Snook?


I didn't read War and Peace either.

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What's a Reince Priebus?
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Also, I think Ann Wagner's answer was a cry for help. Poor drunk lady.