Fast & Furious 6: My Review

Did I just watch four trailers for the same save-the-world movie?

Baby!

What happened to the other baby from the previous movie? They could be friends. Like Paul Walker and Tyrese! They're cute, but simple. Like babies.

Letty!

What?

The Rock is totally reading his lines off of cue cards.

I'd like a coupon for a casino buffet.

How dare they not include my favorite Puerto Rican goofballs in the latest heist?

Evil twins! That's exactly what I was thinking, Tyrese.

If you're a boxer tussling in a staircase with a mixed martial arts expert, I'm betting on the MMA fighter.

Thank for the BMW ad, Luda. Product placement is out of control, even for a Fast & Furious movie.

He's a racist! Rude. I'd take his boxers, too.

Baby is wearing a hat!

"That's the picture from my grave ... er, I mean ... I don't remember anything ... ?"

Why'd he go to that pawn shop? He didn't learn anything from that guy or his worthless goons.

Creepy creepster. Get up off of Letty, guy I've never seen in any movies before. (He's been in movies, I just haven't seen any of them.)

Why'd he go to that prison? He didn't learn anything from that guy or his worthless goons.

Don't make this all about you, Paul Walker.

Stasiak needs to make better decisions in his life.

Justin Lin has an obsession with objectifying tiny butts on tiny women. Could you at least give one of those dancers some lines?

"Samoan Thor", that's funny. :)

It's a tank. That's what I'm saying, Ludacris!

Mayhem and foolishness!

Do the laws of physics never apply to these people?

Oh, I saw that one coming.

What?!

I thought you were driving the other way!

That plane has been trying to take off down the same runway for 20 minutes...

Jump out of those cars, fools!

How does Luke Evans think he could fight Vin Diesel?

She could have survived... :( Brian and Mia just drove right past her!

Seriously, how has the plane not reached the end of the runway yet?

Fire. Fire. The plane's on fi--Is no one else seeing this?

It's their home! I hope they bought the building next door, too. House Hunters: Fast & Furious edition. Ding dong!

Even the baby is drinking a bottle of Corona.

The best family is the one you choose. Especially if they look like underwear models.

"Tokyo? Are you sure about that, man?"

"It's just something I have to do."

"Whatever you need, we got your back. Unless that from guy from The Transporter shows up retroactively in a scene from that movie from seven years ago."

I like that song. Nice choice.

Whew, what a ride. Now let's listen to the Fast Five episode of How Did This Get Made? for the fourth time, in anticipation for the Fast & Furious 6 episode dropping this Tuesday.

Update: It's up!


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What the who what now?

Advertisements for Themselves, by Erica Orden, New York Magazine via The Black Snob.

Madison Avenue is scrambling to adjust to a new era, when the most admired people in America are a black family. To reflect this reality, talent scouts are on the hunt for models who look like the Obama children, Sasha, 7, and Malia, 10.

"People are looking for girls who resemble them," says Charlie Winfield, the head booker at FunnyFace Today.

Tali Lev, an agent with the Gilla Roos agency, keeps links to her "Sasha" and "Malia" model lists on her desktop for easy access. "Photographers even want them for their portfolios."

Marlene Wallach, president of Wilhelmina Kids & Teens, says the First Daughters are tough subjects to match. "It’s a very specific age and a very specific ethnicity, so there aren’t that many girls that would necessarily fit the bill."

A very specific ethnicity? These girls are not Jessica Alba or Rosario Dawson or Dwayne Johnson or Vin Diesel. They are 3/4 black, like most black people in the United States are, if you look far back enough and count up all the pieces.

How hard is it to find tiny black children in New York City? Maybe Ms. Wallach could import them direct from the manufacturer.

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Neither of them is Hawaiian,

but one is half Samoan (and Canadian!) and the other is partially Japanese. The Japanese one still isn't any part black, so I don't know why he continues to play Barack Obama; I don't think he is channeling the President's white side.

Anyway, the dialogue and setup is funny. I hope that is an actual Hawaiian song.

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