Incredible Restraint

This is how the debate actually went! Joe Biden behaved himself well, considering he was up against the offspring of Gomer Pyle and Jed Clampett. However, no gay marriage? Still? Really? Joe Biden and Barack Obama, your bigotry continues to astound me.

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Next debate, please.

Last night's Obama/McCain debate did not deliver many laughs or surprises. I am eagerly awaiting the vice presidential debate this Thursday, October 2. It will be quite a show. How will these two kooky VP candidates further embarrass their respective parties? Will Sarah Palin carry a loaded shotgun, just in case she spots any animals ripe for huntin' ? Will Joe Biden make the entire viewing audience uncomfortable when he inevitably insults moderator Gwen Ifill on her race, or when he insults her on her gender? Will Senator Obama and Senator McCain sit behind the stage in the green room, holding each other and weeping as they wonder why they selected these jokers to be their running mates?

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When your running mate has deemed you

the pro-woman candidate in hopes to win over his former opponent's supporters, do not then make a joke about your wife:

Ladies and gentlemen, my wife Jill, who you'll meet soon, is drop dead gorgeous. My wife Jill, who you'll meet soon, she also has her doctorate degree, which is a problem. But all kidding aside . . .

It is heartwarming to discover what Joe Biden values in his woman. Attractiveness, yes. Higher education, no. Keep that patriarchy alive and kicking, Joe.

I think this will play out slightly better than the time Senator Biden called a certain Senator from Illinois "clean" and "articulate".

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Eh.

Obama taps Biden to be running mate, by Liz Sidoti and Nedra Pickler, AP.

You so know Senator Biden was having the Best Week Ever after the John Edwards story broke. He was just waiting for someone to pay attention to him again. With John Edwards out of contention for anything indefinitely, Senator Biden can finally get the recognition he deserves by bringing his non-"risky" qualities to the table. However, I do not know what else he contributes to the campaign besides his "safe"-ness. And by safeness, I mean he's a white male, in case you couldn't click on the linked articles.

At least John Edwards was trying to end poverty. I could never figure out what Joe Biden was doing in the primaries. Apparently he was running for Vice President.

I'm not impressed. Wake me up when someone ends the wars.

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Joe Biden: Stop Talking Now.

I knew there was some reason I didn't like Joe Biden. I've already forgotten what he did last year to tick me off. Thank goodness Senator Biden's latest interview with The New York Observer gave me something to complain about. Here's the stroke of brilliance that's got everybody who's anybody talking:

“I mean, you got the first mainstream African-American who is articulate and bright and clean and a nice-looking guy,” he said [about Senator Barrack Obama]. “I mean, that’s a storybook, man.”

Apparently Senator Biden has determined that Mr. Obama's no funky negro. I wish that fool would come up to my face and call me "articulate."

He also said some stuff about Hillary Clinton and my main man (until I find out he has done something stupid) John Edwards. But not many people care about those quotes. I do care about them, but they're not as funny as the unintentional ethnic insults. Those are the best kind. And there's more.

Last year, the Senator from Delaware let it be known that some of Joe Biden's favorite donut vendors are Indian. The words below were captured for posterity on this C-SPAN video.

“In Delaware, the largest growth of population is Indian Americans, moving from India. You cannot go to a 7/11 or a Dunkin’ Donuts unless you have a slight Indian accent. I’m not joking.”

I don't think you are joking, Mr. Biden. Now, I don't frequent the Dunkin' Donuts or 7/11 myself. However, I don't think those franchises will refuse to sell you a glazed pastry or a Big Gulp based on your intonation.