"Rush will do anything with his mouth for cash."

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And how. .

What is that supposed to mean?

Hello, Mr. Heartache, by Jincy Willett, New York Times via Jennifer Weiner´s blog.

Holly Frick, the writer at the heart of Sarah Dunn’s new novel, hates the term “chick lit.” Since we never actually get to read her own novel, “Hello, Mr. Heartache” — whose horrible title was imposed by her publisher’s marketing department — we can’t be certain that she hasn’t actually written “fiction by and for women,” the generally agreed-­upon definition of that loathsome term. But the novel in which Holly herself appears was definitely not written just for women, no matter how it’s packaged. True, the protagonist is female, the setting is Manhattan, and the focus is on relationships — and there’s a big shopping scene. True, mostly women will read it. But then women are the ones mostly reading every­thing. Besides, it’s not about shoes. And the shopping is for books, at the Strand. Also, unlike chick lit, chick TV and chick movies, “Secrets to Happiness” is actually funny.

Way to self-hate, Ms. Willett.

bt-dubs, New York Times: aren´t you up for sale?

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Who's "we"?

I made a comment under this post over at Mr. Smooth's blog, so I hope it eventually appears. Until then, my sentiment is this: who needs to take responsibility for what? Last time I checked, I wasn't making any videos that involved one gender exploiting another. I'm not contributing to the history of misogyny in the United States and around the world. I'm not using racial slurs to refer to my peers, nor am I stating that any and all women I come across are prostitutes and/or female dogs.

This is the same way I feel when I hear people talk about how far the United States has come, and that racism, sexism and homophobia don't exist anymore, because this country was built on democracy and freedom, and it's the greatest country in the world. Most of the people who make those glib, propogandist statements have never left the country. They act like because they supposedly don't know any wife beaters, gay bashers or white hood enthusiasts, everything is fine, and therefore our country is so progressive. Except here's the problem I've often come across: it's not like there has been a large group of nonwhite people perpetrating this institutional bigotry. Meaning, there weren't a bunch of Asian people running the Middle Passage; there weren't a bunch of Native Americans rounding up Japanese American in internment camps; and there aren't a bunch of black people hiring Mexicans and Central Americans for cheap labor while simultaneously enacting discriminatory legislation to keep foreigners from "crossing the border" and "taking our jobs."

I'm not responsible for the bigotry perpetrated on certain non-white, non-male, or non-straight American citizens. I'm not oppressing myself. I'm not one of the people in this country who has "come a long way." I never had anywhere to get to. I've always been here. What needs to be said is the following:

• Certain (white) people in power, and even those not in power, need to stop being racist. I acknowledge that nonwhite racist people exist, but that is another discussion for another time.

• Straight people (and some queer people, too) need to stop hating the LGBT community.

• Men (and certain self-hating women) need to stop oppressing women and end the cycle of misogyny.

We all need to stop acting like the oppressed and the oppressors have, or should have, a equal say in the direction of our country and our society. We don't ask serial killers what we should do to decrease the murder rate. We don't ask rapists how to stop sexual assaults. Mr. Smooth, I agree that there is a discussion to be had about the history and future of hip hop, and the effects hip hop continues to have on our communities. But let's not pretend that every person's opinion is valid and equal, especially the opinions of those "artists" who still choose to making their millions by treating women like worthless whores.

(I'm not saying that sex workers in general are worthless. I'm saying that's how certain recording artists treat the women in their songs and videos.)

We need to tell people, "this behavior is wrong, and you need to stop."

The Advocate

To you new readers, welcome! Here's where it started. Here is my first response. Here is my second response.

Please read to the end of this post before you get mad at me. Do not skim it and then accuse me of meaning things that I did not say.

#

Every day I gain a deeper understanding of why there are so few (straight) women in comedy. No wonder I have to turn to Logo for funny female role models. I do enjoy Maria Bamford, Becky Pedigo and Wanda Sykes and Janeane Garofalo whenever I catch them on Comedy Central. But aside from them and a few others, the most prominent female comedians are lesbian, bisexual, or some other kind of queer person. To maintain a career in an already vicious field, women really have to not care what men think of them.

Another thing I appreciate more every day is the common language of TV I share with some of my friends, along with a couple others who don’t have blogs. It’s like those episodes of Will & Grace when the title characters played that word guessing game with Joe and Larry and Rob and Ellen, and Will and Grace won the prized Suck on It cup every time. I take for granted that my friend Chrissy can ask me an incomplete question ("Bangs?"), I can answer it with a single word or phrase ("Nancy McKeon."), and the discussion will be over with both parties completely satisfied. I forget that not everyone else I interact with is necessarily on the same wavelength as I am just because they also blog about TV, or in this case, sexual dynamics in American media.

To get you readers on my wavelength quickly, read the articles linked below, retitled by me. Most of them are examples of what happens when individuals don’t even challenge the patriarchy, but simply point out its existence:

Feministing, Kos, and Harassment of Women Bloggers. Here are some more anecdotes on the subject.

Who should apologize for the apparent racism in Resident Evil 5?

You say potato, I say misogyny, including getting a woman drunk in order to have sex with her.

Giving you the benefit of the doubt

I was never mad that people didn’t share my point of view on Superbad or on the creators of the movie. I wasn’t mad when I made my initial comment under the review on Pajiba. I was amused by my cleverness, because I do like to work a phrase. I was taken aback when one male-identified person used the word "feminist" to insult me, and then insinuated that I wasn’t funny. I was annoyed when another male-identified person told me to "STFU." I was perturbed when another one called me "a complete fucking idiot" and told me to "go and get off [my] soapbox."

I didn’t mind defending myself or my views. I saw it as good practice for when I become a superstar, and people like Chris Matthews and Tucker Carlson will try to double team me on Hardball. I also appreciated that some people stood up for me, pointing out that feminism is not a bad word, and that Pajiba is a perfectly acceptable place to talk about gender relations in movies.

What made me mad--besides being subsequently lectured on misogyny, told that I should "choose [my] words more carefully," and blamed for attracting the trolls in the first place (thank goodness I wasn’t wearing a short skirt)--was that none of the people who run Pajiba said anything at all during the whole time that this vicious conversation was going on. Not one word. And yes, I am going to call them out. The silent staff included Dustin Rowles, Publisher; Seth Freilich, The TV Whore; Phillip Stephens, Lead Critic; John Williams, Critic; Agent Bedhead, Critic; Stacey Nosek, Critic; Ranylt Richildis, Critic; Constance Howes, Critic. Did I forget someone? Oh yes, the Managing Editor of Pajiba and the person who wrote the Superbad review, Daniel Carlson.

In his response to the madness, Dan wrote a post on his own blog: "Arguing On The Internet Is Like Running In The Special Olympics: Even If You Win, You're Still Retarded."

Retarded? Well then.

In said post, Dan wrote "the Pajiba staff has a bit of a feminist skew — we all loves us some Joss Whedon, after all." Huh. TK also mentioned later that he supposes that he’s a feminist himself. I could make a quippy remark here, but I won’t. "Feminist" isn’t something you simply declare yourself because you believe that people of all genders should have equal rights. Feminism does not begin and end with denouncing Captivity. Feminism also involves some sort of action, or at least reaction, on your part. I’m not asking anyone to march in front of Planned Parenthood or headline the next NOW convention. I’m saying that a feminist should not remain silent when someone is being attacked for being a feminist. Especially on the blog that you run. Especially when you wrote the review . . . and anticipated the result:

"But I also must confess that I knew exactly what I was doing when I wrote that in the movie, "no woman is seen onscreen who isn’t talking to a man." I knew that would piss certain people off, and what's more, I've been writing for Pajiba for so long that I had a pretty good idea of exactly who would be pissed off, or anyway I had it narrowed down to half a dozen likely candidates."

After his confession, Dan then deemed the entire Superbad discussion--that he knowingly and purposefully incited--a "pissing contest" and that those involved should just "let it go." I’m sure the trolls that attacked me let it go a long time ago. They got their jollies by insulting an opinionated woman, then they went back to their lives, secure in their privileged status as part of the patriarchy. I, on the other hand, was not arguing for kicks. Nor was I incensed because Superbad "violates [my] views of empowered womanhood." I was defending myself because I was attacked. I was targeted not just because I am a feminist, but because I am a feminist woman. Dan, TK, and many other men are feminists, too, and that’s great. (I hope you all are still reading.) But they are not women. At the end of the day, they will always have their male privilege to fall back on. Similarly, I’m an advocate for the LGBT community, but I never purport to fully know what it’s like to be lesbian, gay, bisexual or trans. I can sympathize, and sometimes empathize, but at the end of the day, I will still have my heterosexual privilege in our society. Therefore, if someone in the LGBT community said they were discriminated against or attacked or hated for their sexuality, I would think long and hard (dirty!) before I challenged their claim.

Someone once said something like, "To be black in America is to be angry all the time." (If one of you readers knows the quote, please let me know.) Gloria Steinem has been quoted as saying, "In my heart, I think a woman has two choices: Either she's a feminist or a masochist." Try being black and a woman. You get very attuned to when and why people don’t like you or what you have to say. Imagine if I were queer, too: I’d have even more to say.

My point is this: why didn’t any of you on the Pajiba staff stand up for me? I’m not some obnoxious stranger; I’ve been a regular reader of yours for over a year now. Why didn’t you read what I was saying and realize that I wasn’t just arguing for argument’s sake? Why did you assume that my part in the "stupid, bickering, masturbatory bitchfest" was equivalent to the spiteful comments of those who told me to go away because I wasn’t born male and therefore my perspective was not relevant? Why was there no attempt made to moderate the discussion? I know I wasn’t the only one who felt strongly about how I was being treated. I also know that there are other girls and women who saw what happened to me and will come to the conclusion that Pajiba is a place where they should be careful about voicing their opinions: because there is a good chance they too will be harassed if they do. These questions are not rhetorical; I encourage any and all of you to leave a response.

I risked something by defending myself and my views on the Superbad comment thread. But I risk even more by writing this post. I risk alienating myself from the entire staff of Pajiba, and their Pajiba Love posse, people whose blogs I read on a regular basis and often enjoy, people whom I want to like me and my writing. I risk sounding like just another angry feminist who can’t take a joke or appreciate yet another R-rated comedy made for white heterosexual teenage males. I risk being ostracized from a community—a community that, considering my media background, I have every right to be a part of—because I spoke up for myself and I didn’t back down.

I could remain silent. I could pretend that I’m not upset about what happened and that it’s okay that no one who runs the blog came to my defense. I could choose to stop reading Pajiba and Slowly Going Bald and all the rest. That’s what usually happens when women get attacked. They get blamed for their own victimization, leave the site of the incident, then they try to pretend it never happened. The attackers go on living their lives, sans punishment, and even get rewarded by their victim’s silence, which is what the attackers wanted in the first place. And the people who said nothing are glad the drama is over.

However, I’m not going to shut up. I’m not going to go away. I’m going to see what happens next.

Thanks for reading!

And I'm not sorry.

You know what I love? When some guy tries to school me on the definition of misogyny. (Scroll down to the bottom for the reference.) Because he would know better than me. Despite the fact that I have been doing significant research on women studies, gender studies, and sexual orientation since I was fourteen years old, I'm sure he has the vast knowledge and depth of experience to tell me what is and what is not misogyny, at the very moment I have become the victim of it.

I will comment on all of that craziness, and on Dan's . . . response later. For now, since is the almost end of August, I am going a two week blog vacation. Everybody else is doing it, so why can't we? I'll be back on Labor Day with some choice words for some choice people. I will still be able to see the comments on this blog through my email, so feel free to leave some witty musings.

To anyone to voiced their support for me on the Superbad comment thread: Thank you. I really appreciate it. I often have to defend my views and even my very existence all by myself. It's wonderful when I have help from people who understand where I'm coming from, even if they don't necessarily agree with me.

Until September, I leave you with the abridged lyrics to Madonna's "Human Nature." I usually hate to quote song lyrics to express my emotions, because I think it's silly and overdone. However, this ditty fits the situation perfectly:

Express yourself, don't repress yourself

And I'm not sorry
It's human nature
And I'm not sorry
I’m not your bitch don't hang your shit on me

You wouldn't let me say the words I longed to say
You didn't want to see life through my eyes
You tried to shove me back inside your narrow room
And silence me with bitterness and lies

Did I say something wrong?
Oops, I didn't know I couldn't talk about sex
[I musta been crazy]
Did I stay too long?
Oops, I didn't know I couldn't speak my mind
[What was I thinking]

You punished me for telling you my fantasies
I'm breakin' all the rules I didn't make
You took my words and made a trap for silly fools
You held me down and tried to make me break

Did I say something true?
Oops, I didn't know I couldn't talk about sex
[I musta been crazy]
Did I have a point of view?
Oops, I didn't know I couldn't talk about you
[What was I thinking]

And I’m not sorry
[I'm not apologizing]
It’s human nature
[Would it sound better if I were a man?]
And I’m not sorry
[You're the one with the problem]
I’m not your bitch don't hang your shit on me
[Why don't you just deal with it]

And I’m not sorry
[Would you like me better if I was?]
It’s human nature
[We all feel the same way]
And I’m not sorry
[I have no regrets]
I’m not your bitch don't hang your shit on me
[Just look in the mirror]

And I’m not sorry
[I don't have to justify anything]
It’s human nature
[I'm just like you]
And I’m not sorry
[Why should I be?]
I’m not your bitch don't hang your shit on me
[Deal with it]

Must I give up The Office, too?

Or should I wait for Daily Show levels of offensiveness? FYI, Office writers, I haven't forgotten "A Benihana Christmas."

I've been reading the TWoP forums, and perusing the blogs on the interwebs. So far, most of the opinions about last night's Season 3 finale, "The Job," have been in the vein of, "I love The Office," "This is the best show ever!" and "Wow, I did not see that ending coming."

I didn't see the ending at all, because I went to sleep after Jim asked Pam on a date, but before the credits rolled. So I missed whatever Ryan said.

My problems with this episode were twofold.

1. It was too long. A lot of the scenes, especially the ones with Pam talking to the camera about how much she luvs Jim, were just filler. The show would have been more powerful in 22-minute form. Even in a Super sized form, it would have felt less drawn out than in those 44-minutes.

2. The writers are punishing the strongest woman on the show.

As erendiradali posted on the TWoP Office forums:

...There was way too much misgogyny [sic] in this episode--heck, in this season, what with having the strong, assertive role of Jan turn into a total psycho, self-destructive, semi-abusive fake-boobed weirdo. I am not sure if I will be watching next season because of this. Misgogyny [sic] is not funny. It's just pathetic.

How did Jan go from a competent executive to a raving loon in one season? I really don't get the transformation. Yes, Jan's meltdown in David's office was amusing, as were Karen's reactions to it. But the character assassination was revolting. The part that most disgusted me was Michael squeezing her new boobs in his office. And then the overall fact that she underwent an unnecessary surgical procedure to win back her lame boyfriend. A procedure that made her crazy from the painkillers. A procedure that probably eliminated any pleasure she used to get from her chest by deadening the nerves in that area. She got two bags of saline inserted into her chest in an attempt to please a man that was already dumber and less attractive than she was. Now she's supposedly going to be Michael's de-facto housewife? Does she have no marketable skills other than managing a failing paper supply company and having sex with Michael?

Yet another uppity career woman getting put in her place by a mostly male writing staff. It also exemplifies this problem, via Defamer: Hollywood Diversity Shocker: White Guys Still Doing All The Writing. Read the comments under the Defamer article for some bitter chuckles.

In other news, with Ryan finally escaping that dysfunctional relationship, I hope Kelly finds a new cute guy to date. Any suggestions for which actor should play her new beaten-down paramour? The CW has got a lot of people looking for work.

That network is such joke. Cancelling Veronica Mars, and renewing The Pussycat Dolls? That's a commitment to quality, Dawn Ostroff. Oh, and thanks for informing us that "nerds are really in right now, especially with the young set." I guess someone just got their Best Special Edition Ever! DVD of Napoleon Dynamite. Even the geezers at CBS are like, "Welcome to 2004, Dawn. At least we have actual kids in our programming. How old is Chad Michael Murray again?" Josh Schwartz better not ruin Gossip Girl. Ironically, the girl playing Jenny Humphrey, whose leading characteristic in the books is her topheaviness, has no boobs on the TV version. Weird.