In response to Stephanie's comment, I have decided to put my self-pitying musings on the front page instead of in the comments section, so all of you can read them, too:
Thank you for asking politely, Stephanie! Please ask more questions if you have them.
First of all, I think you're adorable! I'm sure guys do, too. Although good ones are hard to find.
In response to your request for claims, I think that the friends, boyfriend and career things are all related. I'm a super cool girl, yes, with lots of intelligence and talent. But most people only see that after they get to know me. At LMU and in LA in general, there are a lot of people who have never had a black friend or known a black person at all. These people aren't all white, either. Nor are they all inherently prejudiced or discriminatory. However, it does make things difficult when you're interacting with people who don't see black people as "normal people," but instead as "black people." Most people in general don't like to leave their comfort zone, and if those people's comfort zone never included black people, then that makes it harder for me to become a part of it.
That kind of explains the friends part, in that people make friends with people they think they have something in common with or have some connection with. And if you've grown up without any people of a different color around you, which many of my classmates at LMU had done, then you are less likely to reach out to someone of a different color, no matter how much you obviously have in common otherwise. Especially if most of the images you have seen of people with the same color as that person are negative ones.
The boyfriend thing is similar, but more complex. Most of my female friends from LMU, regardless of color, aren't dating anyone at the moment. For the most part, they also didn't date anyone at LMU. That is due in large part to the campus becoming a 60/40 school, meaning 60% female and 40% male. Additionally, I was part of the 8% "African-American" population, which 70-80% female; that disproportion only increases the further I was also part of the Honors Program. In the Honors class of 2003, I made up the entire black population. The same ratio applied throughout the rest of the Honors Program as well.
With all of those statistics in mind, I was then supposed to find a straight guy who wasn't paired up with someone already, who wouldn't be intimidated by my drive and intelligence, and who had no problem most likely being in a interracial relationship...with a black person. Despite the progress that has been made in America in the past century, most guys don't see themselves ending up with a black woman, even if they themselves are black. White women--especially impossibly attractive yet emaciated--are still seen (or shown) as the ultimate prize. I don't remember any black princesses being saved at the end of Super Mario Bros. I don't think I've seen any nonwhite women on the cover of any bridal magazines. The stigma of dark skin has been ingrained into societies around the world by centuries of white European imperialism. There are still black families in America that frown upon letting someone too dark into the blood line. Marrying a white woman in our culture, regardless of that woman's financial status, is seen as marrying up, especially if the man marrying her is not white. Marrying a black woman, even she ran a Fortune 500 company and came with a hefty trust fund, is usually seen as marrying down. There is so much negative media about black women that I don't think many nonblack American families are that eager to welcome them in.
The career thing. It's not like there's a bunch of black women running the entertainment industry. It's about who you know, and who looks like you. Ergo...
I'm not saying every person I know--or every person I don't know-- acts like this, or is a closet racist plotting to keep me down. I'm saying that white people are seen as "normal" in the USA. Our media continues to propagate that myth in our country and around the world. The people who have controlled the United States and Europe have been spreading that myth for hundreds, if not thousands, of years now. It's incredibly hard for me to fight against the many stereotypes that have been created to keep me down. To some people--not to all people, and probably not to those who have met me--I will continue to be a welfare cheating crack whore with a bunch of baby daddies who enjoys loud rap music involving expletives that Russell Simmons has now denounced after building his hip-hop empire on them. I have never been the girl featured in the movies of the 80s and 90s that those people grew up with. I don't resemble the girl they fell in love with on the TV shows of their childhood. To those people, I am either a scourge on society, or I don't exist.
If I were white, finding a friend, a potential life mate, or an employer, would be much easier. Most people make snap decisions based on the first thing they see. And the first thing many people see is "race", especially if that "race" is black. If that race were white, most people wouldn't see anything at all. They would just see how loveable I am. :) But they might not like my chunkiness. :(
Thank you for asking politely, Stephanie! Please ask more questions if you have them.
First of all, I think you're adorable! I'm sure guys do, too. Although good ones are hard to find.
In response to your request for claims, I think that the friends, boyfriend and career things are all related. I'm a super cool girl, yes, with lots of intelligence and talent. But most people only see that after they get to know me. At LMU and in LA in general, there are a lot of people who have never had a black friend or known a black person at all. These people aren't all white, either. Nor are they all inherently prejudiced or discriminatory. However, it does make things difficult when you're interacting with people who don't see black people as "normal people," but instead as "black people." Most people in general don't like to leave their comfort zone, and if those people's comfort zone never included black people, then that makes it harder for me to become a part of it.
That kind of explains the friends part, in that people make friends with people they think they have something in common with or have some connection with. And if you've grown up without any people of a different color around you, which many of my classmates at LMU had done, then you are less likely to reach out to someone of a different color, no matter how much you obviously have in common otherwise. Especially if most of the images you have seen of people with the same color as that person are negative ones.
The boyfriend thing is similar, but more complex. Most of my female friends from LMU, regardless of color, aren't dating anyone at the moment. For the most part, they also didn't date anyone at LMU. That is due in large part to the campus becoming a 60/40 school, meaning 60% female and 40% male. Additionally, I was part of the 8% "African-American" population, which 70-80% female; that disproportion only increases the further I was also part of the Honors Program. In the Honors class of 2003, I made up the entire black population. The same ratio applied throughout the rest of the Honors Program as well.
With all of those statistics in mind, I was then supposed to find a straight guy who wasn't paired up with someone already, who wouldn't be intimidated by my drive and intelligence, and who had no problem most likely being in a interracial relationship...with a black person. Despite the progress that has been made in America in the past century, most guys don't see themselves ending up with a black woman, even if they themselves are black. White women--especially impossibly attractive yet emaciated--are still seen (or shown) as the ultimate prize. I don't remember any black princesses being saved at the end of Super Mario Bros. I don't think I've seen any nonwhite women on the cover of any bridal magazines. The stigma of dark skin has been ingrained into societies around the world by centuries of white European imperialism. There are still black families in America that frown upon letting someone too dark into the blood line. Marrying a white woman in our culture, regardless of that woman's financial status, is seen as marrying up, especially if the man marrying her is not white. Marrying a black woman, even she ran a Fortune 500 company and came with a hefty trust fund, is usually seen as marrying down. There is so much negative media about black women that I don't think many nonblack American families are that eager to welcome them in.
The career thing. It's not like there's a bunch of black women running the entertainment industry. It's about who you know, and who looks like you. Ergo...
I'm not saying every person I know--or every person I don't know-- acts like this, or is a closet racist plotting to keep me down. I'm saying that white people are seen as "normal" in the USA. Our media continues to propagate that myth in our country and around the world. The people who have controlled the United States and Europe have been spreading that myth for hundreds, if not thousands, of years now. It's incredibly hard for me to fight against the many stereotypes that have been created to keep me down. To some people--not to all people, and probably not to those who have met me--I will continue to be a welfare cheating crack whore with a bunch of baby daddies who enjoys loud rap music involving expletives that Russell Simmons has now denounced after building his hip-hop empire on them. I have never been the girl featured in the movies of the 80s and 90s that those people grew up with. I don't resemble the girl they fell in love with on the TV shows of their childhood. To those people, I am either a scourge on society, or I don't exist.
If I were white, finding a friend, a potential life mate, or an employer, would be much easier. Most people make snap decisions based on the first thing they see. And the first thing many people see is "race", especially if that "race" is black. If that race were white, most people wouldn't see anything at all. They would just see how loveable I am. :) But they might not like my chunkiness. :(
Anyway, that's another post, another time!
Please leave more comments! Politely! Also, Stephanie would like some wine and roses. You can contact her for preferred method of delivery.
Please leave more comments! Politely! Also, Stephanie would like some wine and roses. You can contact her for preferred method of delivery.
