"They're not talking about me . . . right?"

(Reference appears at about 3:40. NSFW, as Michael found out.)

(Cross posted at BlogHer.com.)

I just finished watching Superbad this morning. I rented the movie with the impression that it wouldn't be as bad as I had made it out to be. I thought to myself, Maybe my friends are right. Maybe Superbad was "so funny". Maybe it was really a story about the relationship between two high school boys who are best friends. Maybe the message is actually about "respecting women."

Yeah, no. Not only do I stand behind everything I have ever said about Judd Apatow, Seth Rogen, Knocked Up and Superbad, I am now saying that I was being kind. The statement that I made on Feministe about last week's episode of Gossip Girl applies to Superbad as well: it was at best lazy writing and at worst both dangerous and insulting to their audience.

I could go into detail about how my assertions about the movie were correct: almost every female character was depicted as a potential sperm receptacle; every main character was a white male, and almost every supporting character was white; almost every person who speaks in the movie was white. But those realities only served to set up a context for my disgust.

Here is the premise of the movie: two teenage boys hatch a plan to acquire alcoholic beverages so that they can get two girls drunk and have sex with them.

Here is an excerpt from Section 261 of the California Penal code:

261. (a) Rape is an act of sexual intercourse accomplished with a person not the spouse of the perpetrator, under any of the following circumstances:

• (3) Where a person is prevented from resisting by any intoxicating or anesthetic substance, or any controlled substance, and this condition was known, or reasonably should have been known by the accused.

In case you haven't connected those dots yet, in California, where the movie was filmed, if you have sexual intercourse with someone you know is drunk, you can be charged with rape. Also, as I initially learned when I was leading the first-year Summer Orientation program at my university, it does not matter if you are drunk as well. If the person you have sex with is drunk, you can be charged with rape.

Even if that were not the law in California, WTF, dude? How are you going to make a mainstream movie about trying to get girls drunk so you can have sex with them? I don't care how the movie ended. I don't care that the two main characters realize that they love each other. I don't care how funny Seth Rogen thinks he is. I don't even care about the "vag-tastic" porn featured in the first scenes. I don't care that the writers created this script when they were thirteen; they are grown men now: have some perspective, idiots.

The entire time I was watching Superbad, two things were in my head. The first was certain friends of mine, all female, partially or wholly defended this movie after they saw it. These people also make up most of my readership, so, Hello friends! I have also listen to these same people make the following complaints:

• Why can't I get respect from the people in charge who are mostly men?


• Why isn't my female-dominated section of my industry taken seriously?


• Why can't I be accurately represented in the media?


• Why won't anyone hire me even though I'm obviously talented, experienced and eager?


• Why aren't more women feminists?

These same people then called Superbad "hilarious" and "surprisingly sweet", because the movie had "jokes" and the two main characters were nice to their objects of prey in the final scene. However, having Michael Cera's character Evan raising a toast to "respecting women" while he's trying to hook up with a fallen-down drunk Becca was akin to D.W. Griffith inserting a clip of Dr. King's "I Have A Dream" speech in the middle of Birth of a Nation. Both situations are ridiculous, and the latter is anachronistic.

Almost every verbal insult spewed in the movie involved attacking the other person's masculinity by accusing them of not having a penis, being a gay male, being a woman or being a vagina. The loathing of anything female became more palpable as we learned about Bill Hader's character's ex-wife, who was an actual whore when he married her. But it was Jonah Hill's "Seth" who took the cake by openly lusting for his best friend's mother; repeatedly calling Becca "a bitch" because she told their elementary school teacher about his penis drawings; and losing his mind when the adulterous stranger Seth was grinding on menstruated on his leg. The people who created this movie--the directors, the writers and the producers--clearly have a simultaneous hatred, fear and ignorance of women, quite possibly due to their respective painful adolescences. But I repeat: you all are grown men now. Don't just regurgitate your teenage fantasies on to the screen. Reflect on your thoughts and feelings with an adult mindset, then film them.

So to answer your questions, friends, this is part of the reason you are having trouble gaining success and respect. Misogyny is acceptable and encouraged in our media because it's "funny." Just because you personally can deconstruct a highly flawed movie like Superbad in your minds by separating stereotypical images from appropriate behavior in reality, does not mean that the rest of the movie's audience can. They can't even conceive of that notion. For many of the viewers--both men and women, both boys and girls--that movie is reality. To them, all girls dress like prostitutes and therefore should be ogled; girls are always naturally lubricated; girls are stupid enough to believe that a pre-pubescent teenage boy is really a 25-year old Hawaiian man with a singular name more unbelievable than Sting, and will then inexplicably have sex with said boy; girls love to get drunk, strip for you, and offer you "blow-Js"; and, if you fail to get a girl drunk to have sex with her and tell her this, she'll probably still be your girlfriend, even if you have no redeeming qualities.

The second thing I was constantly thinking about was American Pie. Same general premise, with the following notable exceptions:

1. There is no significant impetus to get anyone's sexual partner intoxicated.


2. The female characters do not need a male chaperon during their scenes. They can just talk to each other if they want. They also have distinct personalities and goals.


3. The male characters in American Pie are way better looking than the male characters in Superbad. I mean, really. You can even leave Seann William Scott and Chris Klein out of the equation, and the comparison remains striking.

That ends my Superbad rant for now. Onto Barack Obama.

.

The Advocate

To you new readers, welcome! Here's where it started. Here is my first response. Here is my second response.

Please read to the end of this post before you get mad at me. Do not skim it and then accuse me of meaning things that I did not say.

#

Every day I gain a deeper understanding of why there are so few (straight) women in comedy. No wonder I have to turn to Logo for funny female role models. I do enjoy Maria Bamford, Becky Pedigo and Wanda Sykes and Janeane Garofalo whenever I catch them on Comedy Central. But aside from them and a few others, the most prominent female comedians are lesbian, bisexual, or some other kind of queer person. To maintain a career in an already vicious field, women really have to not care what men think of them.

Another thing I appreciate more every day is the common language of TV I share with some of my friends, along with a couple others who don’t have blogs. It’s like those episodes of Will & Grace when the title characters played that word guessing game with Joe and Larry and Rob and Ellen, and Will and Grace won the prized Suck on It cup every time. I take for granted that my friend Chrissy can ask me an incomplete question ("Bangs?"), I can answer it with a single word or phrase ("Nancy McKeon."), and the discussion will be over with both parties completely satisfied. I forget that not everyone else I interact with is necessarily on the same wavelength as I am just because they also blog about TV, or in this case, sexual dynamics in American media.

To get you readers on my wavelength quickly, read the articles linked below, retitled by me. Most of them are examples of what happens when individuals don’t even challenge the patriarchy, but simply point out its existence:

Feministing, Kos, and Harassment of Women Bloggers. Here are some more anecdotes on the subject.

Who should apologize for the apparent racism in Resident Evil 5?

You say potato, I say misogyny, including getting a woman drunk in order to have sex with her.

Giving you the benefit of the doubt

I was never mad that people didn’t share my point of view on Superbad or on the creators of the movie. I wasn’t mad when I made my initial comment under the review on Pajiba. I was amused by my cleverness, because I do like to work a phrase. I was taken aback when one male-identified person used the word "feminist" to insult me, and then insinuated that I wasn’t funny. I was annoyed when another male-identified person told me to "STFU." I was perturbed when another one called me "a complete fucking idiot" and told me to "go and get off [my] soapbox."

I didn’t mind defending myself or my views. I saw it as good practice for when I become a superstar, and people like Chris Matthews and Tucker Carlson will try to double team me on Hardball. I also appreciated that some people stood up for me, pointing out that feminism is not a bad word, and that Pajiba is a perfectly acceptable place to talk about gender relations in movies.

What made me mad--besides being subsequently lectured on misogyny, told that I should "choose [my] words more carefully," and blamed for attracting the trolls in the first place (thank goodness I wasn’t wearing a short skirt)--was that none of the people who run Pajiba said anything at all during the whole time that this vicious conversation was going on. Not one word. And yes, I am going to call them out. The silent staff included Dustin Rowles, Publisher; Seth Freilich, The TV Whore; Phillip Stephens, Lead Critic; John Williams, Critic; Agent Bedhead, Critic; Stacey Nosek, Critic; Ranylt Richildis, Critic; Constance Howes, Critic. Did I forget someone? Oh yes, the Managing Editor of Pajiba and the person who wrote the Superbad review, Daniel Carlson.

In his response to the madness, Dan wrote a post on his own blog: "Arguing On The Internet Is Like Running In The Special Olympics: Even If You Win, You're Still Retarded."

Retarded? Well then.

In said post, Dan wrote "the Pajiba staff has a bit of a feminist skew — we all loves us some Joss Whedon, after all." Huh. TK also mentioned later that he supposes that he’s a feminist himself. I could make a quippy remark here, but I won’t. "Feminist" isn’t something you simply declare yourself because you believe that people of all genders should have equal rights. Feminism does not begin and end with denouncing Captivity. Feminism also involves some sort of action, or at least reaction, on your part. I’m not asking anyone to march in front of Planned Parenthood or headline the next NOW convention. I’m saying that a feminist should not remain silent when someone is being attacked for being a feminist. Especially on the blog that you run. Especially when you wrote the review . . . and anticipated the result:

"But I also must confess that I knew exactly what I was doing when I wrote that in the movie, "no woman is seen onscreen who isn’t talking to a man." I knew that would piss certain people off, and what's more, I've been writing for Pajiba for so long that I had a pretty good idea of exactly who would be pissed off, or anyway I had it narrowed down to half a dozen likely candidates."

After his confession, Dan then deemed the entire Superbad discussion--that he knowingly and purposefully incited--a "pissing contest" and that those involved should just "let it go." I’m sure the trolls that attacked me let it go a long time ago. They got their jollies by insulting an opinionated woman, then they went back to their lives, secure in their privileged status as part of the patriarchy. I, on the other hand, was not arguing for kicks. Nor was I incensed because Superbad "violates [my] views of empowered womanhood." I was defending myself because I was attacked. I was targeted not just because I am a feminist, but because I am a feminist woman. Dan, TK, and many other men are feminists, too, and that’s great. (I hope you all are still reading.) But they are not women. At the end of the day, they will always have their male privilege to fall back on. Similarly, I’m an advocate for the LGBT community, but I never purport to fully know what it’s like to be lesbian, gay, bisexual or trans. I can sympathize, and sometimes empathize, but at the end of the day, I will still have my heterosexual privilege in our society. Therefore, if someone in the LGBT community said they were discriminated against or attacked or hated for their sexuality, I would think long and hard (dirty!) before I challenged their claim.

Someone once said something like, "To be black in America is to be angry all the time." (If one of you readers knows the quote, please let me know.) Gloria Steinem has been quoted as saying, "In my heart, I think a woman has two choices: Either she's a feminist or a masochist." Try being black and a woman. You get very attuned to when and why people don’t like you or what you have to say. Imagine if I were queer, too: I’d have even more to say.

My point is this: why didn’t any of you on the Pajiba staff stand up for me? I’m not some obnoxious stranger; I’ve been a regular reader of yours for over a year now. Why didn’t you read what I was saying and realize that I wasn’t just arguing for argument’s sake? Why did you assume that my part in the "stupid, bickering, masturbatory bitchfest" was equivalent to the spiteful comments of those who told me to go away because I wasn’t born male and therefore my perspective was not relevant? Why was there no attempt made to moderate the discussion? I know I wasn’t the only one who felt strongly about how I was being treated. I also know that there are other girls and women who saw what happened to me and will come to the conclusion that Pajiba is a place where they should be careful about voicing their opinions: because there is a good chance they too will be harassed if they do. These questions are not rhetorical; I encourage any and all of you to leave a response.

I risked something by defending myself and my views on the Superbad comment thread. But I risk even more by writing this post. I risk alienating myself from the entire staff of Pajiba, and their Pajiba Love posse, people whose blogs I read on a regular basis and often enjoy, people whom I want to like me and my writing. I risk sounding like just another angry feminist who can’t take a joke or appreciate yet another R-rated comedy made for white heterosexual teenage males. I risk being ostracized from a community—a community that, considering my media background, I have every right to be a part of—because I spoke up for myself and I didn’t back down.

I could remain silent. I could pretend that I’m not upset about what happened and that it’s okay that no one who runs the blog came to my defense. I could choose to stop reading Pajiba and Slowly Going Bald and all the rest. That’s what usually happens when women get attacked. They get blamed for their own victimization, leave the site of the incident, then they try to pretend it never happened. The attackers go on living their lives, sans punishment, and even get rewarded by their victim’s silence, which is what the attackers wanted in the first place. And the people who said nothing are glad the drama is over.

However, I’m not going to shut up. I’m not going to go away. I’m going to see what happens next.

Thanks for reading!

And I'm not sorry.

You know what I love? When some guy tries to school me on the definition of misogyny. (Scroll down to the bottom for the reference.) Because he would know better than me. Despite the fact that I have been doing significant research on women studies, gender studies, and sexual orientation since I was fourteen years old, I'm sure he has the vast knowledge and depth of experience to tell me what is and what is not misogyny, at the very moment I have become the victim of it.

I will comment on all of that craziness, and on Dan's . . . response later. For now, since is the almost end of August, I am going a two week blog vacation. Everybody else is doing it, so why can't we? I'll be back on Labor Day with some choice words for some choice people. I will still be able to see the comments on this blog through my email, so feel free to leave some witty musings.

To anyone to voiced their support for me on the Superbad comment thread: Thank you. I really appreciate it. I often have to defend my views and even my very existence all by myself. It's wonderful when I have help from people who understand where I'm coming from, even if they don't necessarily agree with me.

Until September, I leave you with the abridged lyrics to Madonna's "Human Nature." I usually hate to quote song lyrics to express my emotions, because I think it's silly and overdone. However, this ditty fits the situation perfectly:

Express yourself, don't repress yourself

And I'm not sorry
It's human nature
And I'm not sorry
I’m not your bitch don't hang your shit on me

You wouldn't let me say the words I longed to say
You didn't want to see life through my eyes
You tried to shove me back inside your narrow room
And silence me with bitterness and lies

Did I say something wrong?
Oops, I didn't know I couldn't talk about sex
[I musta been crazy]
Did I stay too long?
Oops, I didn't know I couldn't speak my mind
[What was I thinking]

You punished me for telling you my fantasies
I'm breakin' all the rules I didn't make
You took my words and made a trap for silly fools
You held me down and tried to make me break

Did I say something true?
Oops, I didn't know I couldn't talk about sex
[I musta been crazy]
Did I have a point of view?
Oops, I didn't know I couldn't talk about you
[What was I thinking]

And I’m not sorry
[I'm not apologizing]
It’s human nature
[Would it sound better if I were a man?]
And I’m not sorry
[You're the one with the problem]
I’m not your bitch don't hang your shit on me
[Why don't you just deal with it]

And I’m not sorry
[Would you like me better if I was?]
It’s human nature
[We all feel the same way]
And I’m not sorry
[I have no regrets]
I’m not your bitch don't hang your shit on me
[Just look in the mirror]

And I’m not sorry
[I don't have to justify anything]
It’s human nature
[I'm just like you]
And I’m not sorry
[Why should I be?]
I’m not your bitch don't hang your shit on me
[Deal with it]

For some more heated Apatow debate,

visit Pajiba, read Morals and Ethics and Carnal Forbearance, Dan's review of Superbad, then enjoy the comments that follow. The drama started when I read the review, then posted this statement:

...teen comedies, even ones written by men as smart and talented as Rogen.

Ha ha ha! That was a joke, right?

In addition to shoving the girls into short-shorts and not letting them say much -- no woman is seen onscreen who isn't talking to a man...

I am sooo not seeing this movie. Furthermore, I still can't understand why seemingly intelligent people will watch this movie, acknowledge that every woman on the screen is portrayed solely as a potential sperm receptacle, then declare the writer of said movie "smart and talented." It doesn't take that much "talent" to essentially remake American Pie.

Then came this comment from "Johnny":

Hey Bianca, if you're trying to reinforce the stereotype that feminists don't have a sense of humor, it's working.

Oh, you know it was on now. After I replied to Johnny's ejaculation, I was then told by "Allen" to "STFU" because I obviously "haven't been a teenage boy" and I "don't have a sense of humor or perspective."

Really?

Then "dave" informed me that I was "a complete fucking idiot" and that I should "get off [my] soapbox please."

Well, he did say please.

People like my Mummy would have told me, "Bianca, pick your battles," or, "ignore those fools; they don't deserve a response." This is an excellent example of why there are "so few women on digg." If I voice my reaction to a movie marketed as inherently sexist (and passively discriminatory towards nonwhite people as well), I am told by certain hateful males that I am a humorless feminist who needs to shut up, because I wasn't born with the right genitalia and therefore my opinion is not valid. If I say nothing, my silence is acceptance: the film's co-writer Seth Rogen is indeed "smart and talented," despite the fact that he excels at casting a female lead "simply because she’s 23 and looks good in just a bra and has no qualms about portraying [an] interchangeable female archetype" Faced with this dilemma, what's a good feminist to do?

This feminist decided to stay and fight. And by fight, I mean I responded both politely and effectively to the trolls, using my wit and charm to get my points across. Subsequently, I was met with some hostility, but I also got some good support, even from people who initially disagreed with me.

I'm tired of backing down online when I'm right. I did it once before a few years ago when the moderator of a certain unrelated forum twisted my words, inserted his own, and insisted that I was calling him a racist. Because to him, it was worse for me to call him a racist, than it was for him to espouse discriminatory beliefs towards certain nonwhite people. I chose to leave that forum because it was no longer beneficial for me to be there. I didn't regret that decision at the time, and I don't regret that decision now.

However, I'm not going to stop reading or commenting on Pajiba because some ignorant guys aren't ready for this jelly. They need to get ready. They don't need to call my words "insulting and immature," then suggest that I "fuck off." They need to step up and bring something to the plate. And if they can't? Then they need to step off.