Thursday, December 19, 2013

"Aim for the hungriest one."



"So the media would help by taking cameras, going out, filming poor people that are starving, and then broadcast that on national TV?"

"They certainly would."


"Okay, I just want to make sure that came out of your mouth the way that I heard it." 



:-(.


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Friday, December 13, 2013

Friday, December 06, 2013

"I guess that's because of Africa?"



No. To all of that.

Nooo.


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Saturday, November 16, 2013

How to Stop Rape



via la_donna_pietra's comment at We Need to Change How We Talk about Rape by Film Crit Hulk, Badass Digest

In case you can't read the rules on the picture above, here are the 10 Top Tips to End Rape:


  1. Don't put drugs in women's drinks.

  2. When you see a woman walking by herself, leave her alone.

  3. If you pull over to help a woman whose care has broken down, remember not to rape her.

  4. If you are in a lift and a woman gets in, don't rape her.

  5. Never creep into a woman's home through an unlocked door or window, or spring out at her from between parked cars, or rape her.

  6. USE THE BUDDY SYSTEM! If you are not able to stop yourself from assaulting people, ask a friend to stay with you while you are in public.

  7. Don't forget: it's not sex with someone who's asleep or unconscious -- it's RAPE!

  8. Carry a whistle! If your are worried you might assault someone 'by accident' you can hand it to the person you are with, so they can call for help.

  9. Don't forget: Honesty is the best policy. If you have every intention of having sex later on with the woman you're dating regardless of how she feels about it, tell her directly that there is every chance you will rape her. If you don't communicate your intentions, she may take it as a sign that you do not plan to rape her and inadvertently feel safe.

  10. Don't rape.


Also, a poem by Patricia Lockwood, featured on The Awl.


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Wednesday, October 30, 2013

"These are sexy turtles."



"Do not call me a slutty unicorn, because... you don't have proof yet."


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Saturday, October 26, 2013

Cute baby!



Fun family times. :)


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Friday, October 04, 2013

That's what I'm saying, Kevin Kataoka!




"Even the biggest movie ever made about ninjas didn't star Asians. It starred turtles!"

To visualize what having actual Asian and Asian-American actors starring in films would look like, check out my earlier blog post over here: "What about my stories?": My reaction to 50/50. Still relevant, now more than ever.

It's 2013! Asian people make up over 60% of the world's population. Sixty percent! China is currently the world's second largest film market. Yet, I am hard pressed to name a major movie starring an Asian or Asian-American actor since Harold and Kumar celebrated Christmas in 3D.

I do love me some Han in the Fast and Furious movies, a character know for his world-class driving ability, not for his martial art skills, bucking two stereotypes at once! Han left those sweet fighting moves to noted experts Vin Diesel and Paul Walker. But Han was seventh billed in Fast 6 after Tyrese, but before Ludacris, ahem, "Chris Bridges". Also, due to his (alleged) death in the credits, he probably won't be featured in Fast and Furious 7. Instead, we get more of this guy. I don't know who was asking for the white guy from Tokyo Drift, but welcome back, Lucas Black.

On the plus side, Fast 7 will also include Thai actor Tony Jaa... best known for his martial art movies... so there's that?

In conclusion, more diversity in media! Now!



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Wednesday, October 02, 2013

I'm saying The Lion King is racist.




And sexist and homophobic as well.

But those are some catchy songs!

Also, Patton needs some black friends, if only to make his daughter less racist.


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Wednesday, September 25, 2013

Prominent black lady news.




Booo.

I don't struggle with puzzles, except for why there aren't more colorful people on my television.


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Sunday, September 22, 2013

"The leaves are changing colors,"



"but the TV stars are staying white. And male."

How does he do it all?!

"The mummies are from Egypt, which is in Africa. Which makes them African American. But they will be played by white Canadians."


 .

Saturday, September 14, 2013

Bianca Reagan: Where the Action Is! Now available!



BIANCA REAGAN: WHERE THE ACTION IS, the sequel to STEVE THE PENGUIN, has been published! It's now available in paperback on Amazon.

For autographed copies, please send requests to mrjmedia [at] gmail [dot] com.

The eBook format is coming soon. More details to come.

I'm so excited and proud! Hooray!


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Wednesday, September 11, 2013

"We were kings and queens in Africa!"



"How could you allow yourself to be a slave?"


:|

Also, hee hee! Jokes.


"I got marbles sharper than this man."


Ha!


.

I'd watch this as a web series.




via Interview: Writer/Producer Lena Waithe Talks New Series 'Twenties' + Watch Pilot Presentation, by Masha Dowell, Shadow and Act.


Shadow and Act: What is a pilot presentation? Why did you opt for this route? 

LW: A lot of networks read the script and loved it, but they either thought there wasn’t an audience for it or that it already existed. Of course I became extremely frustrated because I knew neither of those things were true. So I realized I had to show these network executives that TWENTIES was one of a kind and that there was nothing on TV like it. And I figured the best way to do that was to shoot a pilot presentation, which meant we would shoot a few pivotal scenes from the script, edit them together, and give people a sense of how the show would look and feel. Lucky for me, Justin Simien (writer/director DEAR WHITE PEOPLE) offered to direct it and Flavor Unit was willing to pay for it. Now I had the opportunity to show people what I was going for instead of trying to explain it to them. My plan wasn’t just to show it to executives, but to show it to the world so that the people could have a voice in this as well. And just so we’re clear: this is not a web series! I repeat this is not a web series. Not that there’s anything wrong with doing a web series. I’ve done one. My goal is to partner with a network that understands what I’m going for.

[...]


Shadow and Act: What do you want us to do after we’ve watched it?
 
LW: The good news is I don’t want your money. There’s no Kickstarter or IndieGoGo attached to this project. All we want you to do is commit to sharing TWENTIES with twenty of your friends. The more you spread the word the better chance we have of getting it on TV. We’ll keep pitching. You keep sharing. Let’s do this!



I don't know if there is a network that is going to understand and agree with what Lena is going for. There's a reason there aren't many scripted shows from the US with a lead character that is


  1. an L, G, B, or T person
  2. a black woman
  3. a lesbian woman
  4. a person talking to multiple black people
  5. a black lesbian woman talking to a bunch of other black people

As Lena pointed out, the networks "thought there wasn’t an audience for it or that it already existed", even though "neither of those things were true." If I had a project as amazing as TWENTIES, and networks passed on it, I wouldn't try to prove anything to them. It's 2013. I would produce, distribute, and promote TWENTIES myself, online, as a web series. I would have more control over the show, avoiding interference from well-meaning, but misguided network notes. Also, people would actually be able to see it. The series wouldn't be stuck in development for years, with the risk of never making it to air.

For me, it would be a waste of time trying to sell a product to someone who has no interest in buying it. There just aren't enough network executives who both see the value in and are willing to take a chance on airing a show about the honest story of a black woman, much less one who is articulate and queer. Instead of emphasizing the fact that "This is NOT a web series", why not embrace the new medium and create a successful web series (while we're waiting on Dear White People)? This would allow a fan base to grow around TWENTIES, and make the sale of the project even more profitable (and likely).

I have opinions!



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Monday, September 09, 2013

You're on notice, Kal Penn.



You're still on notice, buddy. But I do think Indians are cool. Especially that one up there. :)


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Saturday, September 07, 2013

"I don't understand. How do you have a show?"



found via Slate


"Now, why don't you just go to Massachusetts and go to school? ... You could, um, ride a horse?"

Brilliance!

Thank you, Lizzie Mae/Azie! The second installment adds to the enlightenment:




"Who does not like bacon?"

Let's ask that nice white man some more questions about slavery!


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Tuesday, July 30, 2013

"How smart are you?"




"Really smart."


 Hee! So much cuteness.


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Friday, July 26, 2013

"You either have a penis, or you don't."



"I do not."

You would have to be crazy to run for Congress. Or rich. Either. Or both.


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Sunday, July 21, 2013

"Who hates the term 'female comedians'?"




I do! My hand is up!

"Do you get the, 'I usually don't think women are funny'?"

"'I don't usually like black comics, but you alright.'"

"I get that all the time."


 .

"If you stay flat...what will happen?"




"It's okay, beloved."

 Hee!


 .

Tuesday, July 16, 2013

Mayonnaise?



Puerto Rica-minica-Tex-Mex buffet does sound delicious. Sign me up!

BTdubs, why are there no Latinas represented in that video segment? Are there no women on the streets of New York who would like to share their bigoted views about Central Americans, South Americans, and West Indians on basic cable?


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Monday, July 15, 2013

Musings from a black woman: Not my fantasy, either, bro.


From The Half Hour: Gabe Liedman on Comedy Central:


I guess the other thing that, like, really bugs me about Game of Thrones, and, like, The Hobbit, and Lord of the Rings, and just all (bleepity bloop) is like, I...I...hate the name of the genre "fantasy." Like, I think that that is very presumptuous to call it fantasy. And also, like, look, I know I've only been here for thirty years, but it does seem to me that everyone's fantasy is, like, dangerously similar. Right?

Where it's, like, every year, there's, like, a bunch of white guys who go to New Zealand, and they're just like, "Okay, dudes. Time to make a new movie or TV show about 'the fantasy,' or whatever." And then they walk into a room, and they're like, "Okay, okay. The fantasy. The fantasy we all share. Here we go. It's moving through me, okay? So I need you to type, okay? The fantasy. It's moving through me. Okay, the fantasy, here we are. 

"I'm...riding my lion into battle. I'm dressed in a full deer. Um...it's 'before.' And, everyone's house is a circle, which is super interesting. I find myself in a silent wood--no 's' on that. When, all of a sudden, behind me, I hear a twig snap. I turn to see what it is, and it's a little girl who's perfect at archery. Fantasy complete."

It's like, oh, cool. That's all? That's your fantasy? Cool. Cool fantasy.


"It's 'before.'" Hee hee! Super cool observations, Gabe Liedman. No wonder I couldn't get through The Hobbit.


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Monday, June 10, 2013

This should not have been a debate.



My right to safety is not a discussion.

To put this into perspective, could you imagine if Kamau held a "debate" about New York's Stop-and-Frisk policy between asked a white male officer from the NYPD and a black male victim of police molestation? "We need the ability to continue verbally harassing people after we have physically violated their civil liberties. It's comedy!"

And Kamau was right about that moderator. What was up with that guy?

For all of the people who have ever asked, "Is it really worse for women on the internet than it is for men?", or, "Is it really worse for women in comedy than it is for men?", the unequivocal answer remains, "YES, OF COURSE IT IS!" Whenever a woman stands up and speaks, especially for the rights of women, she is immediately a target for attack, even when people agree with what she is saying.

For a big drop in the even bigger bucket of proof, here's a link to what happened to Lindy West after the "debate":

If Comedy Has No Lady Problem, Why Am I Getting So Many Rape Threats?, Jezebel.


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Friday, May 31, 2013

So much cuteness, I can't stand it!



Aaahhh!

Update: look over here at this:

I'm Biracial, and That Cheerios Ad Is a Big Fucking Deal. Trust Me. by Meagan Hatcher-Mays, Jezebel.


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"Hey, everybody. Here's my puppy brother."



Girl with purple flower in her hair: "She just blew my mind."



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Monday, May 27, 2013

Fast & Furious 6: My Review


Did I just watch four trailers for the same save-the-world movie?

Baby!

What happened to the other baby from the previous movie? They could be friends. Like Paul Walker and Tyrese! They're cute, but simple. Like babies.

Letty!

What?

The Rock is totally reading his lines off of cue cards.

I'd like a coupon for a casino buffet.

How dare they not include my favorite Puerto Rican goofballs in the latest heist?

Evil twins! That's exactly what I was thinking, Tyrese.

If you're a boxer tussling in a staircase with a mixed martial arts expert, I'm betting on the MMA fighter.

Thank for the BMW ad, Luda. Product placement is out of control, even for a Fast & Furious movie.

He's a racist! Rude. I'd take his boxers, too.

Baby is wearing a hat!

"That's the picture from my grave ... er, I mean ... I don't remember anything ... ?"

Why'd he go to that pawn shop? He didn't learn anything from that guy or his worthless goons.

Creepy creepster. Get up off of Letty, guy I've never seen in any movies before. (He's been in movies, I just haven't seen any of them.)

Why'd he go to that prison? He didn't learn anything from that guy or his worthless goons.

Don't make this all about you, Paul Walker.

Stasiak needs to make better decisions in his life.

Justin Lin has an obsession with objectifying tiny butts on tiny women. Could you at least give one of those dancers some lines?

"Samoan Thor", that's funny. :)

It's a tank. That's what I'm saying, Ludacris!

Mayhem and foolishness!

Do the laws of physics never apply to these people?

Oh, I saw that one coming.

What?!

I thought you were driving the other way!

That plane has been trying to take off down the same runway for 20 minutes...

Jump out of those cars, fools!

How does Luke Evans think he could fight Vin Diesel?

She could have survived... :( Brian and Mia just drove right past her!

Seriously, how has the plane not reached the end of the runway yet?

Fire. Fire. The plane's on fi--Is no one else seeing this?

It's their home! I hope they bought the building next door, too. House Hunters: Fast & Furious edition. Ding dong!

Even the baby is drinking a bottle of Corona.

The best family is the one you choose. Especially if they look like underwear models.

"Tokyo? Are you sure about that, man?"

"It's just something I have to do."

"Whatever you need, we got your back. Unless that from guy from The Transporter shows up retroactively in a scene from that movie from seven years ago."

I like that song. Nice choice.

Whew, what a ride. Now let's listen to the Fast Five episode of How Did This Get Made? for the fourth time, in anticipation for the Fast & Furious 6 episode dropping this Tuesday.

Update: It's up!


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Musings from a Black Woman: So now I want to buy an Audi.




It's that simple.

Your move, other overpriced sports car companies.


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Saturday, May 25, 2013

I think most babies are cute.






People, check yourselves before you wreck yourselves. Don't be presumptuous and racist, all at the same time.

And, if you happen to be a "mixed race" baby and you are enjoying this post, thanks for reading! You're super cute. ;)


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Tuesday, May 14, 2013

Funny ladies who inspire me



Janeane Garofalo and Maria Bamford recently visited Jackie Kashian in The Dork Forest podcast, and their conversation made my day. It's nice to hear people talking about issues like the challenges of women working in the entertainment industry and financial management (and beads!).

Thank you, Janeane, Maria, and Jackie, for continuing to provide me with positive, quirky, distinctive images of funny ladies in media, images that I hope will increase in number and influence in the future.


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Sunday, May 12, 2013

Musings from a Black Woman: "It's time to rock."




Hooray for colorful mature ladies doing their thing!


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Friday, May 10, 2013

This is important because Jason Collins is a man.




"There's a reason it's "L", then "GBT".

That's what I've been saying, Janine!

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Wednesday, May 08, 2013

"I can’t stop reading this tumblr and it is making me so angry."



Ugh.

For more Asian fetish-themed posts to make your skin crawl, visit Creepy White Guys on tumblr.


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Sunday, May 05, 2013

"Welcome to Kittens and Kale."



"You're in Mr. Nibbles's section. He's a rescue."


Oh, hipsters.


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Wednesday, April 24, 2013

It still makes me cry.



All children should have the right to get the best education possible.


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Sunday, April 14, 2013

"Do you even know what it's like to be black?"



I'd still do him.

But I'd feel bad about it. For multiple reasons.

Like the fact that he's gay.

And the fact that I'm married.

But mostly because of the Republican thing. Ew.


 .

Thursday, April 11, 2013

Maybe she didn't get in because she's a bigot.

Visit NBCNews.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

- via To (All) the White Girls Who Didn’t Get Into The College Of Their Dreams by Kendra James, Racialicious.


"I would have gladly worn a headdress to school. Show me to any closet, and I would've happily come out of it.


Double-you tee eff?

This person doesn't know the meaning of the words "satire" or "qualified", yet she feels entitled to attend an Ivy League school?

And don't you bring Liz Lemon into this!

Shut it down, Suzy Lee Weiss. Shut it down.

----------

For further reading and analysis:

Suzy Lee Weiss and White People Problems, by Matt Amaral, Teach4Real

Dorman ’16: Dear Suzy Lee Weiss, by Caitlin Dorman, Brown Daily Herald

An Open Letter to Suzy Lee Weiss, by YingYing Shang, The Huffington Post

Also, this so much: Admissions

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Friday, April 05, 2013

Still not buying Velveeta




Darn those liquid gold diggers!


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Thursday, April 04, 2013

Wednesday, March 13, 2013

“Don’t leave home. They don’t want you around.”




The Good, Racist People, by Ta-Nehisi Coates, The New York Times


Last month the actor Forest Whitaker was stopped in a Manhattan delicatessen by an employee. Whitaker is one of the pre-eminent actors of his generation, with a diverse and celebrated catalog ranging from “The Great Debaters” to “The Crying Game” to “Ghost Dog: The Way of the Samurai.” By now it is likely that he has adjusted to random strangers who can’t get his turn as Idi Amin out of their heads. But the man who approached the Oscar winner at the deli last month was in no mood for autographs. The employee stopped Whitaker, accused him of shoplifting and then promptly frisked him. The act of self-deputization was futile. Whitaker had stolen nothing. On the contrary, he’d been robbed.

[...]

The promise of America is that those who play by the rules, who observe the norms of the “middle class,” will be treated as such. But this injunction is only half-enforced when it comes to black people, in large part because we were never meant to be part of the American story. Forest Whitaker fits that bill, and he was addressed as such. I am trying to imagine a white president forced to show his papers at a national news conference, and coming up blank. I am trying to a imagine a prominent white Harvard professor arrested for breaking into his own home, and coming up with nothing. I am trying to see Sean Penn or Nicolas Cage being frisked at an upscale deli, and I find myself laughing in the dark. It is worth considering the messaging here. It says to black kids: “Don’t leave home. They don’t want you around.”

[...]

The other day I walked past this particular deli. I believe its owners to be good people. I felt ashamed at withholding business for something far beyond the merchant’s reach. I mentioned this to my wife. My wife is not like me. When she was 6, a little white boy called her cousin a nigger, and it has been war ever since. “What if they did that to your son?” she asked. 

And right then I knew that I was tired of good people, that I had had all the good people I could take.


I think about my future sons, and daughters, and I how scared I am for them, even though they haven't been born or conceived yet. I think about how it is always different for black Americans, and other nonwhite Americans, every day in the United States, the country most of us were born in, to feel like I am Other.

I think of an event I recently attended, where the stated theme of the panels was empowering other like-minded, educated, motivated women. Raising each other up. Rejoicing in our female strength. Women helping women with pride. From all accounts, it was supposed to be a good day.

During the catered reception portion of this event, I walked behind a buffet table to get a beverage out of an open cooler, and I was having trouble finding a drink to my liking. While I was digging through the ice, a woman, who happened to be white, came up to the table an asked me, "Are there any waters?"

I bristled, and replied evenly, "I don't know."

Now you may be thinking to yourself, "She just wanted some water, and she thought you might have seen them in the cooler. What's the big deal?"

The woman then said to me, "Oh, I thought you worked here."

(Okay, fellow colored readers, please let me know in the comments how many times this happens to you on a regular basis.)

Let me note here that the woman asked this question to me, a woman who was wearing the exact same conspicuous event badge on the front of her shirt as she was, and wearing the same business casual attire. Let me also note that the people who were actually catering the event were all wearing black vests, black pants, bowties, and embossed catering pins, and were all middle-aged men.

Nothing I was doing or wearing that day--a day for celebrating our fellow overeducated women--remotely suggested I was attending the event as a server whose job entailed fulfilling this particular lady's drinking needs.

So what could possibly have triggered her to think that I was part of the catering staff?

Hmph.

There's nothing that says empowerment like a white woman mistaking you for the help.

It would be easy to write off my incident as "no big deal" or "just a misunderstanding" or "at least you didn't get verbally abused and molested like Forest Whitaker." But it's not easy for me. It never is. I can't even go to a grocery store, or a mall, or a valet station without experiencing a valid level of anxiety that someone will ask me where to find the cereal aisle, or to hang up their unwanted clothes, or to park their car (twice; I'm not kidding).

Every time you travel outside of your home into the world as a colored person, feeling proud of your education, your accomplishments, your Oscar, there is always someone there to remind you that you will never truly belong.


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Tuesday, March 12, 2013

Yes, it's racist.




(I can't figure out how to embed the podcast, so please click on the link.)


If you feel yourself describing something as "ghetto," stop.

Thanks for breaking it down, Andrew Ti!


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Monday, March 11, 2013

My favorite part of Bossypants:







Thanks for sharing this story in your book, Tina Fey!


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Saturday, February 23, 2013

"Rap and Poetry had a baby named Spoken Word."




I saw this episode for the first time over a year ago, and it still cracks me up on a regular basis.

Even when it's not playing on my screen.

Awk. Ward.


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Friday, February 22, 2013

I've never been to Harlem,




but I do know what the Harlem Shake is. Or more precisely, what the Harlem Shake is not. As do these people:





"I feel like they're trying to disrespect us."

"They're basically taking what we do...like, our dances, and making a joke of it."

"If you're going to make one of these videos, please do the Harlem Shake."



Happy Black History Month, readers!


.

"Who's that negro in a Cadillac?"




"...without slavery, Morgan Freeman wouldn't even have a last name! He'd just be 'Morgan'!" 


Thank you, again, W. Kamau Bell. 

Happy Black History month, readers!

.

Friday, January 18, 2013

That's how I feel about Lincoln!




 Also, this:

. . . white people get to have an astonishing cornucopia of wildly divergent stories all focusing on a million tiny facets of the white experience over the last few thousand years.
Black people get Roots.

Harumph.


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Wednesday, January 16, 2013

Life at Chili's




I like this multicultural, multigenerational commercial. The concept that different types of people could enjoy each other in the same eating establishment is mind-boggling. :)

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Sunday, January 06, 2013

"Too brown to play an imaginary creature."




Just to confirm that Wyatt was not making this up for funzies, here is another source for the story: Are The Hobbit's Casting Agents Racist?

I was reminded of this when I was reading yet another article about certain people conspicuously missing from Peter Jackson's latest movie: So, Where Have All the Middle-earth Ladies Run Off To?

So, let me get this straight: to participate in this fantastical world, no coloreds and no womenfolks need apply? Only white men allowed?

No, I have not seen The Hobbit, but I have seen all three interminable Lord of the Rings movies, and those had an Elijah Wood incentive. This new (unnecessarily extended) trilogy has the guy from the British Office and a wizard I enjoyed more in the X-Men movies.

These are times when I think to myself, "I can't write everything that I want see." Meaning, if I want to see more books, more television shows, more movies, more commercials, with a modicum of diversity, projects that actually acknowledge that there are people that exist in the world who consume media who aren't young, white and male, I cannot possibly write all of these projects myself. I definitely couldn't distribute them by myself. There is clearly a demand. Why is there almost no supply?

It's so frustrating.  White male people do not make up a majority of the population of the country I was born and raised in. The majority of the world population is neither white nor male. Yet heaven forbid I actually see the media produced in my home country, on my home planet be reflective of that reality.

Frowny face.


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