"Don't put those tissues back in the box!"

"We have made a mistake! We have planted roses, but we keep getting these weeds. Sandra's in the wilderness, Denise is in the jungle, and she's on the Loco-Motion!"

Those poor parents.

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"If you're a young person struggling with your sexuality,"

The Colbert Report
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"there is no safer place to come out than on a Republican survey."


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"My daughter has executive leadership skills."

The Daily Show with Jon Stewart
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I'm sure my sons will have executive leadership skills, too. :)

Thank you, Sheryl Sandberg!


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"What do you do if you find out that someone that you know is dating a racist?"

I'd talk to national television, too!


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"Can that acre be anywhere, like on Maui?"

The Daily Show with Jon Stewart
Get More: Daily Show Full Episodes,Political Humor & Satire Blog,The Daily Show on Facebook

I'd prefer my acre on Oahu. Thank you!


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“Don’t leave home. They don’t want you around.”

The Good, Racist People, by Ta-Nehisi Coates, The New York Times

Last month the actor Forest Whitaker was stopped in a Manhattan delicatessen by an employee. Whitaker is one of the pre-eminent actors of his generation, with a diverse and celebrated catalog ranging from “The Great Debaters” to “The Crying Game” to “Ghost Dog: The Way of the Samurai.” By now it is likely that he has adjusted to random strangers who can’t get his turn as Idi Amin out of their heads. But the man who approached the Oscar winner at the deli last month was in no mood for autographs. The employee stopped Whitaker, accused him of shoplifting and then promptly frisked him. The act of self-deputization was futile. Whitaker had stolen nothing. On the contrary, he’d been robbed.

[...]

The promise of America is that those who play by the rules, who observe the norms of the “middle class,” will be treated as such. But this injunction is only half-enforced when it comes to black people, in large part because we were never meant to be part of the American story. Forest Whitaker fits that bill, and he was addressed as such. I am trying to imagine a white president forced to show his papers at a national news conference, and coming up blank. I am trying to a imagine a prominent white Harvard professor arrested for breaking into his own home, and coming up with nothing. I am trying to see Sean Penn or Nicolas Cage being frisked at an upscale deli, and I find myself laughing in the dark. It is worth considering the messaging here. It says to black kids: “Don’t leave home. They don’t want you around.”

[...]

The other day I walked past this particular deli. I believe its owners to be good people. I felt ashamed at withholding business for something far beyond the merchant’s reach. I mentioned this to my wife. My wife is not like me. When she was 6, a little white boy called her cousin a nigger, and it has been war ever since. “What if they did that to your son?” she asked. 

And right then I knew that I was tired of good people, that I had had all the good people I could take.

I think about my future sons, and daughters, and I how scared I am for them, even though they haven't been born or conceived yet. I think about how it is always different for black Americans, and other nonwhite Americans, every day in the United States, the country most of us were born in, to feel like I am Other.

I think of an event I recently attended, where the stated theme of the panels was empowering other like-minded, educated, motivated women. Raising each other up. Rejoicing in our female strength. Women helping women with pride. From all accounts, it was supposed to be a good day.

During the catered reception portion of this event, I walked behind a buffet table to get a beverage out of an open cooler, and I was having trouble finding a drink to my liking. While I was digging through the ice, a woman, who happened to be white, came up to the table an asked me, "Are there any waters?"

I bristled, and replied evenly, "I don't know."

Now you may be thinking to yourself, "She just wanted some water, and she thought you might have seen them in the cooler. What's the big deal?"

The woman then said to me, "Oh, I thought you worked here."

(Okay, fellow colored readers, please let me know in the comments how many times this happens to you on a regular basis.)

Let me note here that the woman asked this question to me, a woman who was wearing the exact same conspicuous event badge on the front of her shirt as she was, and wearing the same business casual attire. Let me also note that the people who were actually catering the event were all wearing black vests, black pants, bowties, and embossed catering pins, and were all middle-aged men.

Nothing I was doing or wearing that day--a day for celebrating our fellow overeducated women--remotely suggested I was attending the event as a server whose job entailed fulfilling this particular lady's drinking needs.

So what could possibly have triggered her to think that I was part of the catering staff?

Hmph.

There's nothing that says empowerment like a white woman mistaking you for the help.

It would be easy to write off my incident as "no big deal" or "just a misunderstanding" or "at least you didn't get verbally abused and molested like Forest Whitaker." But it's not easy for me. It never is. I can't even go to a grocery store, or a mall, or a valet station without experiencing a valid level of anxiety that someone will ask me where to find the cereal aisle, or to hang up their unwanted clothes, or to park their car (twice; I'm not kidding).

Every time you travel outside of your home into the world as a colored person, feeling proud of your education, your accomplishments, your Oscar, there is always someone there to remind you that you will never truly belong.


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Yes, it's racist.

(I can't figure out how to embed the podcast, so please click on the link.)

If you feel yourself describing something as "ghetto," stop.

Thanks for breaking it down, Andrew Ti!


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My favorite part of Bossypants:

Image via morethanwalk.tumblr.com

Thanks for sharing this story in your book, Tina Fey!


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"Rap and Poetry had a baby named Spoken Word."

I saw this episode for the first time over a year ago, and it still cracks me up on a regular basis.

Even when it's not playing on my screen.

Awk. Ward.


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I've never been to Harlem,

but I do know what the Harlem Shake is. Or more precisely, what the Harlem Shake is not. As do these people:

"I feel like they're trying to disrespect us."

"They're basically taking what we do...like, our dances, and making a joke of it."

"If you're going to make one of these videos, please do the Harlem Shake."

Happy Black History Month, readers!


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"Who's that negro in a Cadillac?"

"...without slavery, Morgan Freeman wouldn't even have a last name! He'd just be 'Morgan'!" 

Thank you, again, W. Kamau Bell. 

Happy Black History month, readers!

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That's how I feel about Lincoln!

 Also, this:

. . . white people get to have an astonishing cornucopia of wildly divergent stories all focusing on a million tiny facets of the white experience over the last few thousand years.

Black people get Roots.

Harumph.


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Life at Chili's

I like this multicultural, multigenerational commercial. The concept that different types of people could enjoy each other in the same eating establishment is mind-boggling. :)

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"Too brown to play an imaginary creature."

John Oliver's New York Stand-Up Show
Get More: Comedy Central,Funny Videos,Funny TV Shows

Just to confirm that Wyatt was not making this up for funzies, here is another source for the story: Are The Hobbit's Casting Agents Racist?

I was reminded of this when I was reading yet another article about certain people conspicuously missing from Peter Jackson's latest movie: So, Where Have All the Middle-earth Ladies Run Off To?

So, let me get this straight: to participate in this fantastical world, no coloreds and no womenfolks need apply? Only white men allowed?

No, I have not seen The Hobbit, but I have seen all three interminable Lord of the Rings movies, and those had an Elijah Wood incentive. This new (unnecessarily extended) trilogy has the guy from the British Office and a wizard I enjoyed more in the X-Men movies.

These are times when I think to myself, "I can't write everything that I want see." Meaning, if I want to see more books, more television shows, more movies, more commercials, with a modicum of diversity, projects that actually acknowledge that there are people that exist in the world who consume media who aren't young, white and male, I cannot possibly write all of these projects myself. I definitely couldn't distribute them by myself. There is clearly a demand. Why is there almost no supply?

It's so frustrating.  White male people do not make up a majority of the population of the country I was born and raised in. The majority of the world population is neither white nor male. Yet heaven forbid I actually see the media produced in my home country, on my home planet be reflective of that reality.

Frowny face.


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Why I am writing a sci-fi series (well, one reason)

Has everyone seen the new Star Wars film? Revenge of the Sith?

. . .

All right, can we talk about this for a second? Am I the only person that thinks it's strange that 'a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away', there's all these white people walking around dressed up like Japanese people? And not a single Japanese person in sight?! Did that strike anybody as being slightly ungrateful?

'Cause let's face it, folks, if it weren't for Japanese people, there would be no Obi-Wan Kenobi, okay. There would be no Kwi Gon Jinn. 

Is there some nether region of the galaxy where there are all these Japanese people walking around dressed up like Vikings? You know, in lederhosen?

And I'm not stingy, I'm all about sharing our culture. You know, go ahead, outfit Natalie Portman like she's some Mongolian princess, you know. Dress up Liam Neeson like he's some Samurai warrior. Let's just acknowledge where the sh*t comes from, okay?

- Alec Mapa, Wisecrack (2005)

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"The only Indians Joe DiMaggio ever slaughtered were from Cleveland."

If given the choice, I'd celebrate the baseball player over the genocidal maniac.


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"Hey, Representative Todd Akin."

"I have a question for you. If women can't get pregnant from legitimate rape, then how come there are so many light-skinned black people walking around Alabama?"

Because the rapists stole their cars. Obviously.


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"You're really dark."

 I'm not changing my sense of humor for anyone. I'm hilarious!

(For some thought-provoking comments about colorism in various communities, click here. Yes, colorism is still a problem almost everywhere.)

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It's not "if", but "when".

Comedy Central

"There's a greater chance that, because of the lack of opportunities there are for minority actors, I will have to be in a Tyler Perry production . . . It's when I have to. Angela Bassett won an Oscar."

That's exactly what I was thinking, Wyatt! Although Angela Bassett hasn't actually won an Oscar, she was nominated for one, and did win a Golden Globe for What's Love Got to Do With It. Yet, she has starred in a Tyler Perry movie. With Rick Fox. And Sofia Vergara? Who knew? (I didn't. I've only seen one Tyler Perry movie, and that was enough.)

I think of other notable black celebrities like Idris Elba, Whoopi Goldberg, Taraji P. Henson, Janet Jackson, Thandie Newton, Blair Underwood, Gabrielle Union, Mrs. Huxtable and Maya Angelou! Maya Angelou, national treasure and recipient of the Presidential Medal of Freedom, was in a Tyler Perry movie. Not even the prestigious one.

"These are people who presumably, they, the world should be their oyster. And instead, they're like, 'I gotta make rent. All right, do you want me to put the dress on, Tyler? Oh, you're gonna wear it? Okay, fair enough.'" 

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This is my (current) jam!

via Jezebel: The ‘NSync/Bieber Girlfriend/Boyfriend Mashup Is Actually Pretty Hot

Look, it's Timberlake before he exploded on SNL! It's Bieber pretending he's in Tokyo Drift! It's Lance before he was gay! It's Joey before The Singing Bee! It's Nelly and JC before their diminished musical relevance! It's Chris before Justin forgot his name!

This was my jam yesterday:

I wonder what Bieber thinks about creating a derivative concept of a better video from 10 years ago, while also fending off his British competition. Deep thoughts.


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