Uncle Tom, Uncle Remus, and that guy from the Facebook movie

You know what's hilarious? A cocktail of misogyny and racism, mixed with a dollop of anti-Semitism and a dash of general body hatred.

Not Dean Edwards: Igor, man. Where'd you get that brain?

Jesse Eisenberg: Ah, from a woman who had just died.

Not Dean: What kind of woman?

Jesse: She worked at the DMV.

Not Dean: And what about the fingernails?

Jesse: From a cashier at Walgreens.

Not Dean: And where did you get the mouth?

Jesse: From a ho who didn't know her place.

The sketch continues:

Jesse: Master, I don't understand. Why doesn't he just tell her he's the man, and that she should do as he says?

Not Dean: You ever been with a sista?

Jesse: No.

Not Dean: Then you wouldn't understand.

Jesse: I've just been with Jewish girls.

Not Dean: Then you kinda understand.

Jesse: Yes.

Jesse Eisenberg, do you kiss you bubbe with that mouth? Speaking of bubbes, I should give a shout-out to my own: Hello! Thank you for reading. :) Who am I kidding? My grandmother doesn't read my blog. She doesn't even own a computer.

If only Igor and Dr. Frankenstein and his monster could find some more docile women to associate with, for example, some imaginary Asian women who will blow them in public bathrooms. I'm just saying.

Just when I was feeling happy about being me. But yet again, in the words of Joan Holloway, "No matter how powerful we get around here, they can just draw another cartoon."

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Somebody help that baby.

"Very tired."

I hear you, kid.

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So right again, Stephen T. Colbert

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"If you're really good at pretending, maybe you can get a job as a Republican member of Congress. Because pretending to help you is apparently a big part of what they do."


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"You'll be the talk of your tailgate."

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I know I'll be talking about you, behind your back and to your face. Those are oversized baby pajamas! You cannot wear adult onesies outside of your house.

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Apparently, it's always a good night for me.

"I wanna remember my night, and sometimes I just don't. And it sucks. So you're like, 'What did I do? Why did I end up in a garbage can?'"

End up in a garbage can? Are you sure that's not where your night began, Snook?


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I didn't read War and Peace either.

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Also, I think Ann Wagner's answer was a cry for help. Poor drunk lady.

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"Here go hell come."

"Explosion, and then darkness."

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"You funny!"

From Comedy Central's Hot List 2010:

Chelsea Peretti: You're a lady, correct?

Natasha Leggero: Correct! Um, yes. I'm very excited to be a lady.

Chelsea: Oh, god, who isn't?

Natasha: You do a lot of shows with ladies, right?

Chelsea: Well, let's play nice. I hate ladies as much as the next lady.

Natasha: [laughing]

Chelsea: But, people do think it's like a compliment to say, "You're funny. You're the funniest girl." Or usually, here's what I get--

Natasha: "Usually I don't think women are funny."

Chelsea: "Usually I don't think women are funny," yeah.

Natasha: "But you--"

Chelsea: "But you, however--"

Natasha: "You funny!"

Chelsea: "You were pretty funny."

Natasha: "For a woman."

Chelsea: I hate it when someone says, "You're pretty funny." Like, I don't need that thrown in the mix, the "pretty funny". The intros are always the worst.

Natasha: "You guys ready for a lady?"

Chelsea: "You ready for a lady?" Like this freak show's about to march onstage.

Natasha: [laughing]

Chelsea: The worst is they're like, "She's lovely, and she's funny." And then you like trot out in a little dress and tap shoes. It's like such a stressful intro.

Natasha: [laughing]

Chelsea: This is so fun. We should hang out more.

Natasha: Uh, yeah, this is a nice place.

Chelsea: Do you want to hang out more, er . . .

Natasha: You know, I'm actually really busy right now.

Chelsea: Okay, okay.

Oh, funny ladies.


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My new favorite Christmas commercial.

I like how it shows that not everyone who shops at Target is a wife or a mom. Other people need affordable merchandise, too.

I expect my next favorite Christmas commercial to be even better. :)

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"Where's our thanks for introducing Indians to whiskey?"

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"Don't forget the Chinese!"


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Make other plans, little ladies.

Disney Will Stop Making Princess Movies Because Boys Think They're Icky, by Tim Grierson, Yahoo! Movies.

On Wednesday, Disney will be releasing "Tangled," the studio's 50th animated film. You might think that this would be cause for celebration, but from recent stories in the Los Angeles Times and New York Times, it appears that Disney Animation is in the midst of a major freak-out/reinvention. The main takeaway from these articles was that Pixar guru (and Disney Animation bigwig) John Lasseter is in the midst of reviving Disney's slumping non-Pixar animation projects. Oh, and he's done making movies about fairy tales and princesses.

"They may come back later because someone has a fresh take on it," Lasseter's Disney Animation co-chief Ed Catmull told the L.A. Times, "but we don't have any other musicals or fairy tales lined up." One reason is because the studio is fearful of alienating young boys, who supposedly won't see something like last year's "The Princess and the Frog." The other reason, frighteningly, is that young girls consider themselves too cool to want to be princesses.

[ . . . ]

Lasseter insists that these changes at Disney are all for the good and that people should give him and his team time to work their wonders. But still it's hard not to be completely depressed by these developments. It's not that we're clamoring for a slew of new "princess movies," but it seems like Disney Animation is now trying to chase trends rather than focusing on just making good movies.

Great idea, Mr. Lasseter. Eliminate the types of franchises that built the Disney brand for almost a century, including a multi-million dollar phenomenon that jettisoned your competitors to make as many knockoffs as possible.

Are boys really that valuable that you need to forsake your core audience in a desperate attempt to attract male attention? Boys and male characters are already overrepresented in children's media (you can read the ongoing research at the Geena Davis Institute on Gender in Media). They don't need another media empire pandering to them, especially not at the expense of girls however controversial Disney Princess stories may be.

For more discussion:

Disney Swears off Princesses, by Melissa Silverstein, Women and Hollywood.

It's the End of the Disney Princess Fairy Tale, But It Ain't Happily Ever After, by Suzanne Reisman, BlogHer.


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I would like a hug from a polar bear,

even though I'm not a married homeowner who wears a suit jacket with sneakers and slouchy pants. Dude, you're in your 40s. Dress like a grown-up.

Hello, 40-year-olds! Please leave a comment. :)

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"I speak American."

Movie Trailers - Movies Blog

Harry Potter Stars Learn To Speak American, by Margaret Hartmann, Jezebel.

"It's the freedom language."


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"There is no way I'm working with her."

"Let's go meet her right now."

Oh, fake Patti played by Scarlett Johansson.

Here's more kinda funny:

"You're too young"

"You're too old!"

I'm pretty sure I've seen this setup somewhere before.

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"Pause before you play."

Bristol Palin and The Situation tell you all about the importance of abstinence, by Sean O'Neal, The A.V. Club.


I should have paused and left after "Sitch" called her "B. Palin." And yet, I kept right on watching this debacle.


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Reason #1 why I miss The L Word:

Angelica!

Okay, reason #2 why I miss The L Word: Every episode of the show passes The Bechdel Test.

What is The Bechdel Test, you ask?

- From FeministFrequency.com via The A.V. Club.

The last show I remember that passed The Bechdel Test before The L Word was The Baby-Sitters Club:

Oh, early 90s children's television shows. Where would those baby-sitters be now? (Kristy would probably be on The L Word. You were thinking it, too.)

Here is one of my favorite scenes from Season 4 of The L Word:

Oh Jenny. What a mess.

Readers, can you think of any shows that pass The Bechdel Test? Not even Dora the Explorer makes the cut.

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I wouldn't know what to do, either.

I'd probably run away. That's scary.


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I would like to volunteer

for this position!

African-American Community Calls For New Black Nerd Archetype, The Onion.

A coalition of African-American activists and scholars released a strongly worded statement Monday citing the "urgent need" for popular media to depict a new black nerd archetype that more accurately reflects the full spectrum of 21st-century American dorkdom.

"Outdated representations of African-American nerds are simply not cutting it anymore," the statement read in part. "Perhaps in the '80s and '90s it was possible for young people to identify with Steve Urkel's hiked-up pants, nasal voice, and lovable catchphrase of 'Did I do that?' But today's black nerds are different."

"They may not carry slide rules and calculators, but they do carry smartphones to make posts on Twitter, Facebook, and Foursquare," the statement continued. "Yet where are the modern-day nerds of color in our films and television programs?"

According to the Dweeb Diversity Coalition, nerds in the African-American community continue, like their predecessors, to be socially awkward, hilariously unstylish, and a source of embarrassment for their cooler black friends. But a recent survey of pop-cultural archetypes found that in the current TV lineup, almost all nerd characters are white.

[ . . . ]

The prominent African-American writer, philosopher, and activist [Cornel West] went on to stress that the highest-profile nerds in today's media—Jesse Eisenberg and Michael Cera chief among them—are exclusively white. According to West, this leaves many nonwhite nerds feeling as though they have no option but to follow in the footsteps of suspect characters such as the reactionary Carlton Banks, who still appears in syndicated reruns of The Fresh Prince Of Bel-Air.

I can represent for nerdy girls, nerdy black people, and grape and strawberry Nerds (my favorite!). Just put me on TV, and let the magic begin.

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Why you don't have a job.

The Fairy Jobmother and Downsized, by Todd VanDerWerff, The A.V. Club.

Report: Unemployment High Because People Keep Blowing Their Job Interviews, The Onion.

According to the findings, seven out of 10 Americans could have landed their dream job last month if they had known where they see themselves in five years, and the number of unemployed could be reduced from 14.6 million to 5 million if everyone simply greeted potential employers with firmer handshakes, maintained eye contact, and stopped fiddling with their hair and face so much.

[ . . . ]

"If applicants would just say yes when asked if they played softball or liked golf, we could add 350,000 jobs to the private sector," Deputy Labor Secretary Seth Harris said. "The fact is, right now, today, approximately a third of the country's manufacturing positions are vacant. Auto plants across the country, especially in Detroit, are sitting there just waiting for people to come in and build cars."

"You may be a qualified candidate, but none of that matters if you walk into that interview lacking confidence," he added. "Don't act too confident, though. And don't joke around too much. And don't be overly friendly or ask too many questions. But be yourself."

If only you knew how to shake hands, you'd be running the company.

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Take a hint, Outsourced.

What's Outsourced, you ask? This is Outsourced:

Good job, NBC. :| It's no Studio 60, but really? Man-meat?


In better news: babies!

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