"There is no way I'm working with her."

"Let's go meet her right now."

Oh, fake Patti played by Scarlett Johansson.

Here's more kinda funny:

"You're too young"

"You're too old!"

I'm pretty sure I've seen this setup somewhere before.

.

"Pause before you play."

Bristol Palin and The Situation tell you all about the importance of abstinence, by Sean O'Neal, The A.V. Club.


I should have paused and left after "Sitch" called her "B. Palin." And yet, I kept right on watching this debacle.


.

Reason #1 why I miss The L Word:

Angelica!

Okay, reason #2 why I miss The L Word: Every episode of the show passes The Bechdel Test.

What is The Bechdel Test, you ask?

- From FeministFrequency.com via The A.V. Club.

The last show I remember that passed The Bechdel Test before The L Word was The Baby-Sitters Club:

Oh, early 90s children's television shows. Where would those baby-sitters be now? (Kristy would probably be on The L Word. You were thinking it, too.)

Here is one of my favorite scenes from Season 4 of The L Word:

Oh Jenny. What a mess.

Readers, can you think of any shows that pass The Bechdel Test? Not even Dora the Explorer makes the cut.

.

I wouldn't know what to do, either.

I'd probably run away. That's scary.


.

I would like to volunteer

for this position!

African-American Community Calls For New Black Nerd Archetype, The Onion.

A coalition of African-American activists and scholars released a strongly worded statement Monday citing the "urgent need" for popular media to depict a new black nerd archetype that more accurately reflects the full spectrum of 21st-century American dorkdom.

"Outdated representations of African-American nerds are simply not cutting it anymore," the statement read in part. "Perhaps in the '80s and '90s it was possible for young people to identify with Steve Urkel's hiked-up pants, nasal voice, and lovable catchphrase of 'Did I do that?' But today's black nerds are different."

"They may not carry slide rules and calculators, but they do carry smartphones to make posts on Twitter, Facebook, and Foursquare," the statement continued. "Yet where are the modern-day nerds of color in our films and television programs?"

According to the Dweeb Diversity Coalition, nerds in the African-American community continue, like their predecessors, to be socially awkward, hilariously unstylish, and a source of embarrassment for their cooler black friends. But a recent survey of pop-cultural archetypes found that in the current TV lineup, almost all nerd characters are white.

[ . . . ]

The prominent African-American writer, philosopher, and activist [Cornel West] went on to stress that the highest-profile nerds in today's media—Jesse Eisenberg and Michael Cera chief among them—are exclusively white. According to West, this leaves many nonwhite nerds feeling as though they have no option but to follow in the footsteps of suspect characters such as the reactionary Carlton Banks, who still appears in syndicated reruns of The Fresh Prince Of Bel-Air.

I can represent for nerdy girls, nerdy black people, and grape and strawberry Nerds (my favorite!). Just put me on TV, and let the magic begin.

.

Why you don't have a job.

The Fairy Jobmother and Downsized, by Todd VanDerWerff, The A.V. Club.

Report: Unemployment High Because People Keep Blowing Their Job Interviews, The Onion.

According to the findings, seven out of 10 Americans could have landed their dream job last month if they had known where they see themselves in five years, and the number of unemployed could be reduced from 14.6 million to 5 million if everyone simply greeted potential employers with firmer handshakes, maintained eye contact, and stopped fiddling with their hair and face so much.

[ . . . ]

"If applicants would just say yes when asked if they played softball or liked golf, we could add 350,000 jobs to the private sector," Deputy Labor Secretary Seth Harris said. "The fact is, right now, today, approximately a third of the country's manufacturing positions are vacant. Auto plants across the country, especially in Detroit, are sitting there just waiting for people to come in and build cars."

"You may be a qualified candidate, but none of that matters if you walk into that interview lacking confidence," he added. "Don't act too confident, though. And don't joke around too much. And don't be overly friendly or ask too many questions. But be yourself."

If only you knew how to shake hands, you'd be running the company.

.

Take a hint, Outsourced.

What's Outsourced, you ask? This is Outsourced:

Good job, NBC. :| It's no Studio 60, but really? Man-meat?


In better news: babies!

.

"Why do you continue to mock our show?"

"Have you seen your show?"

That's Joel McHale, bringing the funny. :)

.

The best Suze Orman call yet.

Yes, Elf School. No, Orlando Bloom from Lord of the Rings will not be there.


.

"Like being gay, being British is a choice."

The Colbert Report	Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
Fear for All Pt. 1
www.colbertnation.com
Colbert Report Full Episodes 2010 Election March to Keep Fear Alive

"By the way, what is the difference between being English and being gay?"

"It's exactly the same thing."

~

There's more!

The Colbert Report	Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
Fear for All Pt. 2
www.colbertnation.com
Colbert Report Full Episodes 2010 Election March to Keep Fear Alive

"I know that what you call equality is an attack on me. If you get more rights, I have fewer rights. That's just math."


.

"Making pizzas and smoking meat."

There are jokes I could tell, but I will restrain myself.

But Jimmy and Elijah are testing me with this clip:




Two guys reaching under their legs and pounding hard wood? Seriously? The rumors start themselves.


.

He will be on the telly!

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c
Elijah Wood
www.thedailyshow.com
Daily Show Full Episodes Political Humor Rally to Restore Sanity

FX Orders Elijah Wood Comedy Wilfred, by Natalie Abrams, TV Guide via Yahoo! TV.

FX has ordered Wilfred, a new comedy series starring Elijah Wood as an introvert trying to find happiness, the network announced Monday.

Adapted from the Australian series of the same name, the show revolves around Ryan (Wood) and his alter ego/imaginary friend Wilfred. Wilfred appears as a dog to the outside world, and as a walking, talking man in a dog costume to Ryan. Jason Gann, who co-created and starred in the original series, will play Wilfred.

Wilfred is "part Labrador retriever and part Russell Crowe on a bender," executive producer David Zuckerman says.

Excitement! Also, I'd like to see that tattoo.


.

"At McDonald's, I'm like Matthew McConaug-hee."

Night of Too Many Stars	Thursday, October 21, 2010
Jim Gaffigan - Flesh Colored Suit
www.comedycentral.com
Ugly Americans New Episodes Nick Swardson's Pretend Time Night of Too Many Stars

"That's right, folks. This is what a size 38 waist looks like. Read it and weep, y'all."

I do love McDonald's fries. Don't hate.


.

This baby's on the move!

If only you could send real babies that quickly. And safely.

.

"Disabled interracial lesbians with an African kicker?"

"Did not see that coming."

I saw it coming! Poor Lily. :|

.

"Can you believe it?"

Yes, I can, which is why I enjoy this show. :)

Speaking of Christina Hendricks, where can I find episodes of Kevin Hill?

.

How dare she be so inspiring?

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c
Condoleezza Rice Pt. 1
www.thedailyshow.com
Daily Show Full Episodes Political Humor Rally to Restore Sanity

Then she continues to speak with hope about the future of the Middle East. The nerve!

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c
Condoleezza Rice Pt. 2
www.thedailyshow.com
Daily Show Full Episodes Political Humor Rally to Restore Sanity

"We'll have the other conversation at a different time."


.

I saw it.

The Social Network was no Superbad, but Stephen Colbert was correct. Almost every girl and woman in the movie was unnecessarily objectified for the purpose of satisfying some fantasy, fantasies that stemmed from both the male characters in the movie and from the male creators of the movie. Even the characters played by Rooney Mara and Rashida Jones existed in the story on some level because the Mark Zuckerberg character was sexually attracted to them. Two of the last scenes in the movie involved Mark asking Rashida's character out to dinner, followed by Mark obsessing over the Facebook page of Rooney's character.

Both the presentation of and the critical acclaim for The Social Network depress me. It's a perfect storm of straight white male privilege packaged by a writer and a director who were both trying a little too hard. The movie's current 97% rating on Rotten Tomatoes doesn't surprise me, considering that most film reviewers are nerdy white guys whose nerdy wet dreams were fulfilled by seeing their self-projections on screen, as portrayed by the likes of Andrew Garfield and panty-chasing Justin Timberlake (?!). (Jesse Eisenberg is talented, but the real Mark Zuckerberg did get cheated aesthetically on the casting.) There are no movies this year or last year or scheduled for next year that would either be a female equivalent of The Social Network, that have a solid female cast, or that even pass the Bechdel test. This exclusive, incestuous system takes a property from the male-dominated field of nonfiction--a story about the male-dominated field of technology--then has the story adapted through the male-dominated fields of screenwriting and directing; this system does not encourage or leave much room for women to succeed.

The scene that summed up the movie for was when Mark was handing out assignments to his friends so that he could to expand the website to additional schools throughout the country. When Brenda Song's character, who was eager to help, asked what she and her female friend could do, Mark simply replied, "Nothing."

With all that said, I advise you readers to go see The Social Network (tickets are still available!), and report back to me. I welcome your thoughts. Please leave comments! :)

Edit 10/13/2010:

1. In the words of Joan from the episode of Mad Men, "The Summer Man", "No matter how powerful we get around here, they can just draw another cartoon." In this case, no matter how hard you have worked to get into Harvard or Stanford, they can just make another movie, portraying you and all of your female colleagues as useless, drunken, coked-up whores. You would think that attending an Ivy League university would spare you as a woman from getting painted with the skank brush on the silver screen, but no. I wouldn't be surprised if there were a Sorkin/Fincher movie coming out next year about the girls gone wild in the House of Representatives.

2. I didn't fully address Brenda Song's character, but someone else did:

Brenda Song’s Crazed, Hypersexualized Asian Female Stereotype in The Social Network, (Updated), by Jenn, Racialicious.

3. Joseph Mazzello is still working. And he has a college degree? Good for him!

.

Get in my belly.

McDonald’s Happy Meal resists decomposition for six months, by Brett Michael Dykes, The Upshot via Yahoo! News.

Vladimir Lenin, King Tut and the McDonald's Happy Meal: What do they all have in common? A shocking resistance to Mother Nature's cycle of decomposition and biodegradability, apparently.

That's the disturbing point brought home by the latest project of New York City-based artist and photographer Sally Davies, who bought a McDonald's Happy Meal back in April and left it out in her kitchen to see how well it would hold up over time.

The results? "The only change that I can see is that it has become hard as a rock," Davies told the U.K. Daily Mail.

She proceeded to photograph the Happy Meal each week and posted the pictures to Flickr to record the results of her experiment. Now, just over six months later, the Happy Meal has yet to even grow mold. She told the Daily Mail that "the food is plastic to the touch and has an acrylic sheen to it."

Yum!

.

Size 16?

5 Worst Halloween Candies (and 10 Best Survival Tips!), by David Zinczenko, Mens Health via Yahoo! Health.

A cocker spaniel weighs about 24 pounds. You know what else weighs 24 pounds? The heft of candy the average American gobbles down each year, a big chunk of that falling to our waistlines in the days before and after Halloween. Fun size? I don't think so—unless it's fun being size 16. These stats could very well turn you as white as a ghost:

* Three miniature Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups—the kind you find in office candy bowls and trick-or-treat-bags—fill your belly with more sugar than a glazed doughnut.

* Half a pack of Skittles has more sugar than a scoop of Haagen-Dazs Cookies and Cream Ice Cream.

* Nine Twizzlers carry as many calories as a Wendy’s Double Stack Burger.

First of all, I don't think I have eaten 24 pounds of candy during any year of my life. Second, I have hovered around a size 16 for much of the past decade. I thought my life was pretty fun . . . until David Zinczenko informed me otherwise, and warned me that candy statistics would make me turn white. If my love of Backstreet Boys hasn't done that yet, nothing will.

.

No one threw coins at me, but . . .

"This is about perspective, okay. [Straight white male Haley Barbour] simply can't have the same perspective of a black person who was living it daily, you know. And that's a major problem that we're having in America nowadays. People who are not a part of certain groups and minorities decide they can talk about that concerns those groups and minorities as if they know what they're talking about."

.

"Anything is possible when you smell like a monster and know the word 'on'."

Grover Wants You to Smell Like a Monster, by Mike Krumboltz, The Buzz Log.

"I am on a horse."

"Moo."

"Cow."

.

Musings from a Black Woman: Inception

Joseph Gordon-Levitt was dreamy. Smiles!

(For deeper thoughts on Inception, look over here.)

.

Welcome back, Grandpa.

The Colbert Report	Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
Aaron Sorkin
www.colbertnation.com
Colbert Report Full Episodes 2010 Election March to Keep Fear Alive

Stephen Colbert: So the movie's about Facebook. I saw it last week. Fantastic. It's got that super crisp Aaron Sorkin witty banter back and forth. Can I ask you something about the ladies in it?

Aaron Sorkin: Sure.

Colbert: Okay. You've got the opening scene which a lot of people have heard about. It's very crisp. It's Zuckerberg and his girlfriend? The one who broke his heart.

Sorkin: The girl who would start Facebook.

Colbert: Exactly. She is super smart, and she definitely gets the best of him.

Sorkin: Right.

Colbert: The other ladies in the movie don't have as much to say because they're high, or drunk, or blowing guys in the bathroom. Why are there no other women of any substance in the movie?

Sorkin: That's a fair question.

Colbert: Thank you.

Sorkin: There's one other woman, Rashida Jones, who plays a young lawyer.

Colbert: That's true, that's true. I apologize. She does not do anything in the bathroom.

Sorkin: No, she does not. She's a trustworthy character. She's a stand-in for the audience. The other women are prizes, uh, basically, that you, um, uh, that, uh, that--

Colbert: But are women at Harvard like that? That's what I want to know. I'm trying to figure out, you know, whether I really missed out on a college experience.

Sorkin: I wasn't accepted into Harvard, so I wouldn't know.

The interview continues:

Colbert: You have called Facebook "a performance, not a reality". What do you mean by that?

Sorkin: Yeah. What I mean is that when somebody goes on and says, "I had a girls' night tonight. We split five desserts. Better hit the gym tomorrow!" That's somebody who's trying to reinvent themselves--

Colbert: Are you reading my Facebook page?

(laughter)

Colbert: So you're saying that's not real?

Sorkin: No, no, that's someone who's trying to reinvent themselves as Ally McBeal. I want to make it clear--

Colbert: Are you upset because you didn't write that show?

Sorkin: You do not have to agree with me on this point to enjoy the movie.

[ . . . ]

Sorkin: I would love for everybody to think that I'm as quick and sharp and charming as Martin Sheen on The West Wing. And now everybody gets to do that. But I do think that socializing on the internet is to socializing as reality TV is to reality.

Ally McBeal? That show went off the air before Facebook was invented.

And speaking of reality, Facebook is as real as a certain Orangeman's hair dye and spray-on tan.

Aaron Sorkin. Still as technophobic, behind the times, and sexist as ever.

.

"Let's leave New Jersey out of this."

"That's what the Constitution should have said."

Ha!

BT-dubs, I forgot he was black, too (at 4:25). That's the power of Fred Armisen.

Also:





That's what I'm saying, Andy.

.

Someday I'll testify before Congress in character

Maybe we could offer more visas to the immigrants who, let's face it, will probably be doing these jobs anyway. And this improved legal status might allow immigrants recourse if they're abused. And it just stands to reason to me that if your co-worker can't be exploited, then you're less likely to be exploited yourself.

And that itself might improve pay and working conditions on these farms. And eventually Americans may consider taking these jobs again.

Or maybe that's crazy. Maybe the easier answer is just to have scientists develop vegetables that pick themselves. The genetic engineers at Fruit of the Loom have made great strides in human-fruit hybrids.

The point is, we have to do something because I am not going back out there. At this point I break into a cold sweat at the sight of a salad bar.

Stephen Colbert Hearing (VIDEO): Updates From Colbert's Visit To Congress, Jason Linkins, The Huffington Post.

.

Why does he look like an overly-tanned Kennedy?

The Colbert Report	Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
In Poor Taste - Mark Shriver
www.colbertnation.com
Colbert Report Full Episodes 2010 Election Fox News

Oh, that's why.

Also, poor people need help. Get on that, readers.

.

Coming Soon

Will Hollywood ever make a 'Virginity Hit' about teenage girls? by Karen Valby, EW.com.

The low-budget, everyboy comedy The Virginity Hit, about a group of high school horndogs trying to help their buddy lose his virginity, hit select theaters this weekend. (In my hometown Austin, it was playing at just one megaplex at 9:30.) The Will Ferrell/Adam McKay-produced dweebathon is the latest installment to the canon of films about sweaty white boys on a quest to get laid. American Pie, Porky’s, Weird Science, Superbad, Sixteen Candles… The list is long, stuffed with awkward boys and uncomfortable erections and frantic high fives. As in the case of The Virginity Hit, there are always a bevy of unusually attractive girls on the story’s margins. The titular virgin in The Virginity Hit, unknown Matt Bennett, is the recognizably awkward center of his circle of harmless dips*#t friends. Of course his girlfriend is smoking hot, as are all the other girls who inexplicably hang around this pimply crew. In one ridiculous scene the girls don bikinis and smush their boobs against windows at a car wash fundraiser to get porn star Sunny Leone to sleep with Matt. Such generous, comely friends. Come on girls! Don’t you have soccer practice or something? Raise funds for your junior year abroad instead! Male screenwriters are marvelous revisionist thinkers.

So here’s some questions I asked myself in between scenes of bong hits and frat parties. Can anyone out there imagine a similar movie in which a crew of good-natured, dumpy girls obsess unapologetically about sex? Where the object of their desire is not some princess fantasy of first kiss or a prom date or a wedding ring—but rather the uncomplicated thrill of experience.

[ . . . ]

Would you want to see a similar movie like this for high school or college girls?

Yes I would. In fact, I would write that movie. Getting it made would be another story.

.

"There is nothing more American . . ."

Than an overprivileged businessman in a pink tie.

Also, cheeseburgers. Yum.

.

"I know we shouldn't say this to one another as black people, but . . . "

"There is nothing about you that says 'computer' . . . or 'school.'"

My favorite part of The Original Kings of Comedy. Oh, the funny.

.

I never realized that.

From the episode of TV One on One featuring Debbie Allen:

Cathy Hughes: I want to talk about all these various hats that you have worn and wear and do so well. A Different World, the TV series, did so much to glorify and showcase our young people in college life. I also read that when you took over producing and directing that you had a rule that there would be no hair weaves, no colored contact lenses, and no false eyelashes.

Debbie Allen: Or long nails, right. I stripped those girls down.

Cathy Hughes: You wanted them in their natural beauty.

Debbie Allen: Yeah, I wanted them to be natural. You know, I went to Howard University, honey. I was there when Angela Davis was walking with that beautiful, frizzy, beautiful mane of nappy beautiful hair. And I wanted this show to reflect the beauty of African-American women. And we had so many different kinds of women that were beautiful in many different ways. And they should allow that. Everybody shouldn't try to look the same. So I went in there and stripped them down, and the show became more real.

Cathy Hughes: And so popular. And it's also written that it helped increase black college enrollment, that black children saw the show and wanted to go to college for the first time.

Their conversation reminds of why I have never liked The Bachelor, The Bachelorette, or the skanky Bachelor Pad, a show that makes For the Love of Ray J look tasteful. Every woman (and most of the men) look like carbon copies of each other. It's not just that they are almost all white and between the ages of 21 and 35. Every woman on those shows look like they stepped off of the beauty pageant stage and on to Chris Harrison's television set. They seem less like human beings and more like characters from two of my favorite episodes of The Twilight Zone, original recipe: "Eye of the Beholder" and "Number 12 Looks Just Like You". Creepy.

If only black children, and other children, had Dwayne and Whitley and Ron and Kim and Freddie and Jaleesa to look up to today. Now they have Snooki, JWoww, and The Situation. It's a different world indeed.

.

Musings from a Black Woman: On Hip Hop and Cultural Ramifications

From My Mic Sounds Nice: A Truth About Women and Hip-Hop, a documentary airing on BET:

"There are a whole lot of reasons why female rappers aren't as prominent in the hip hop game as they should be. But to me, honestly, I believe the bottom line is, it's a boys' game. It's a man's world. Straight up."

- Nikki D

"Male rappers have such an amazing amount of power and influence. And if they're spending a majority of the time dissing African-American women, then what is expected of the people that they're performing for, or the people that are buying their records. It's not much to be said for them wanting to spend money to hear an African-American woman speak her mind."

- MC Lyte

.

"Glenn Beck is going to take a movement!"

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c
I Have a Scheme
www.thedailyshow.com
Daily Show Full Episodes Political Humor Tea Party

I hope it's a bowel movement.

.

I'm almost 30, too.

Child Stars Turning 30!, omg! from Yahoo!.

Where's my omg! article? If only I had been a child star. I blame my parents.

.

For every girl and woman

who has been told to sit down, I will continue to stand-up.

Today I watched a Janeane Garofalo special on Comedy Central. It was one that I had seen many times before. I realized how much of an effect her comedy had on me when I was growing up, along with the comedy of other women like Rosie and Ellen and Margaret and Judy and Wanda, and the comedy of many funny gentlemen as well. The topics and situations and pain that they talked about on stage made me feel like I wasn't the only idiot thinking about the same issues.

I often forget that my words and my actions have an effect on other people. I received a few reminders of that this week. So I will keep doing what I've been doing. Though it would be nice if someone left a comment on here, readers. :)

.

"Guys, guys."

The Colbert Report	Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
Stephen Wins an Emmy
www.colbertnation.com
Colbert Report Full Episodes 2010 Election Fox News

Stop at 0:38 to view a portrait of Stephen Colbert's writing staff. What an illuminating picture of hypocrisy.

It has become hard to take Stephen's rants on discrimination seriously when almost all of his writers are white and male and under 40. And only the tallest guy gets to talk.

There was that one nice white lady and the mature looking white gentleman in the front. But the rest of the staff looks like a conglomeration of stand-ins for a Seth Rogen movie. Or a Michael Cera movie. Or a Jonah Hill movie. Which are pretty much all the same movie.

.

"Call Morgan Freeman. Or maybe Danny Glover."

I will do that, Roy Wood, Jr. I do have some questions for them.

.

"Hello. Are you Puerto Rican?"

The Colbert Report	Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
Don't Shoot the Schlessinger
www.colbertnation.com
Colbert Report Full Episodes 2010 Election Fox News

"That's why Thomas Jefferson never married Sally Hemings. She never laughed at his slave jokes."

Oh dear.

.

Sucks to be my belly

Study: Belly bulge can be deadly for older adults, AP via Yahoo! Health.

If your pants are feeling a bit tight around the waistline, take note: Belly bulge can be deadly for older adults, even those who aren't overweight or obese by other measures.

One of the largest studies to examine the dangers of abdominal fat suggests men and women with the biggest waistlines have twice the risk of dying over a decade compared to those with the smallest tummies.

Surprisingly, bigger waists carry a greater risk of death even for people whose weight is "normal" by the body mass index, or BMI, a standard measure based on weight and height.

"Even if you haven't had a noticeable weight gain, if you notice your waist size increasing that's an important sign," said lead author Eric Jacobs of the American Cancer Society, which funded the study. "It's time to eat better and start exercising more."

Other research has linked waist size to dementia, heart disease, asthma and breast cancer.

Bulging bellies are a problem for most Americans older than 50. It's estimated that more than half of older men and more than 70 percent of older women have bigger waistlines than recommended. And it's a growing problem: Average waistlines have expanded by about an inch per decade since the 1960s.

To check your girth, wrap a tape measure around your waist at the navel. No fair sucking in your bulge. Men should have a waist circumference no larger than 40 inches. For women, the limit is 35 inches.

35 inches? Uh oh. Dementia, here I come!

.

My favorite Aziz Ansari joke, for now.

Jokes.com
Aziz Ansari - Glad You Like the Show
comedians.comedycentral.com
Roast of David Hasselhoff It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia Russell Simmons Presents Stand-Up Comedy

"Your dad . . . left you alone with a grown man with a full beard at Walking with Dinosaurs! Clearly I'm out here scouting, and you are my man!"

Readers, if you happen to be a parent, do not be that parent. All the therapy sessions in the world could never erase that moment in your child's life, when he realizes you left him alone with a man who tells jokes for a living.

.

"Dance Party USA"

13 chapters completed in Bianca Reagan: Where the Action Is! Eight more to go! An excerpt from Ch. 07:

“Teddy.” He shook my hand. “Nice to meet you.”

As I held on to Teddy, I daydreamed about telling our children the story of how I met their father. They would have Teddy’s wavy black hair, dark eyes, and musical ability, along with my nose, dimples, and math skills.

I noticed a familiar logo peeking from behind the lapels of Teddy’s blue blazer. “Are you wearing a NOW t-shirt to impress the Shake audience?”

“It couldn’t hurt, but no,” Teddy said. “I have been an official spokesperson for the National Organization of Women since I played at their conference last year. However, I’ve been a feminist since my mother taught me how to talk.”

“That’s impressive.” I poked Mike in the arm. “You should take note.”

The Good Senator inserted, “We are all taking note, which would please my wife. She’s a big, big feminist.”

A big feminist?

“Not big in size,” The Good Senator dug himself in deeper. “Not that there is anything wrong with big sizes.”

Why was he looking at me when he said that?

Benjamin inserted the correct wording. “Alley is a strong supporter of women.”

“She and I both are,” The Good Senator told us. “In fact, Alley and I were at the NOW conference last year, too. Were you there?”

Me? “I’ve never been to one before. I thought the conferences were for important people. I’m not quite a member either.”

“You’re not a member of NOW?” Teddy asked me.

“It’s expensive.” Well, maybe. “Last time I checked it was.”

Teddy pointed to himself. “NOW member.” He pointed to The Good Senator. “NOW member?”

“Proudly,” The Good Senator concurred.

Teddy moved his index finger in my direction. “Not NOW member.”

“Or,” Mike pointed at The Good Senator, then at Teddy. “Good feminist, good feminist.”

“Bad feminist.” Teddy waggled his finger at me.

The Good Senator and Mike shot exaggerated frowns in my direction. Benjamin looked bored.

“I’m a good feminist.” I racked my brain for proof. “I voted?”

“Did you vote for him?” Teddy gestured towards the senator.

“How was I supposed to vote for an Illinois senator when I live in California?”

“You hear the excuses this one has?” Teddy asked the room.

The Good Senator put his arm around Mike’s shoulders. “You really ought to be more careful about the kind of women you run around with.”

Mike grinned. “I’ll try harder next time, sir.”

“Cassandra!” Teddy called across the room as she walked through the doorway.

“Teddy B!” she called back.

“Are you a member of NOW?”

Cassandra strolled over next to Teddy. “Who’s asking? And, yes.”

Teddy turned to pat my back. “I take it we’ll be seeing you at the next meeting.”

Benjamin yawned. “Will this love fest never end?”

“Benji, shush,” The Good Senator said with his arm still around Mike.

Benjamin’s head drooped. He shuffled over to the other side of the room, mumbling to himself, “Don’t call me Benji.”

.

I watch The Colbert Report!

The Colbert Report	Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
P.K. Winsome - Black Viewer Ratings
www.colbertnation.com
Colbert Report Full Episodes 2010 Election Fox News

But I do not watch Fox News. Blasphemy.

.

"The hottest new show on Nick Jr."

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c
Born in the U.S.A.
www.thedailyshow.com
Daily Show Full Episodes Political Humor Tea Party

"It's hard to be tough on babies, but--"

"Here's a sign you shouldn't finish a sentence. When it begins with, 'I know it's hard to be tough on babies, but--'"

No. Let's not be tough on babies. Ever.

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