Thursday, April 16, 2009

"What about fetuses with guns?"

The Colbert ReportMon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
Better Know a District - Illinois' 18th - Aaron Schock
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It's so cute when they try to answer grown-up questions. And by "they", I mean Republicans like Aaron Schock, the current US Representative for the 18th district of Illinois.

Stephen Colbert: Tell me about the Fightin' 18th.

Aaron Schock: Tell you about what?

Colbert: The Fightin' 18th.

Schock: The Fightin' 18th? What's the Fightin' 18th?

Colbert: Do you not represent the 18th district of Illinois?

Schock: Yes?

Colbert: Tell me about the Fightin' 18th.

Schock: You mean like tell you about my district?

[Has Aaron never watched The Colbert Report, including the segment on which he is appearing, called "Better Know a District"?]

Colbert: It sounds better to say the Fightin' 18th.

Oy vey. If Representative Schock is truly "the new face of the Republican party" (what happened to Bobby Jindal?), then we can all sleep easy.

There were also few quotes which, when taken out of context, can sound dirty, especially if you were already objectifying Representative Schock, as I was. Is he more than "just a pretty face, hair and body"? Readers, I suggest you watch the video and decide for yourselves.

Either way, I don't do Republicans; they are weird. I envision Republicans on a spectrum of, at best, misguided, and at worse, evil/Dick Cheney. He shot an old man in the face!

Colbert: Is there a spanking machine.

Schock: No spanking machine in Congress.

If only there were.

Colbert: It's a simple question. I think your constituents deserve to know. Do you or do you not have six-pack abs?

Schock: Well, you know, as soon as I say that, and then I get out of shape, you're going to use it against me. So, you know.

Colbert: You're implying that I am so taken with you right now. You're just implying that I am going to stay obsessed with your abs, sir. And yes. I'm not saying there's no chemistry here. But I'm saying I'm keeping this professional. All right? And I'd wish you do the same.

I wish he wouldn't.

Colbert: Congressman, thank you for taking the time to shock and awe me.

Thank you, indeed.


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