"You know, emperor penguins spend their whole lives looking for that one other penguin and when they meet them, they know. And they spend the rest of their lives together."
"Can you for one second believe that maybe I'm not some full-of-shit guy, that maybe I do like you, that maybe the other night was special?"
Award-winning TV comedy Ugly Betty has been axed in the US after four series, TV network ABC has announced.
The show, starring America Ferrera as a style-challenged woman working at a New York fashion magazine, was a critical success when it began in 2006.
But the show has struggled recently, with ratings in the US falling from an average 8.1m to 5.3m viewers between the third and fourth series.
ABC said the show will conclude its run in April.
"We've mutually come to the difficult decision to make this Ugly Betty's final season," executive producer Silvio Horta and ABC president Steve McPherson said in a joint statement.
"We are announcing now as we want to allow the show ample time to write a satisfying conclusion."
Mutually? No one asked me! And I am not satisfied with this conclusion. :(
"You know who likes fried chicken is black people. You know who else likes fried chicken? Everybody!"
And John Oliver does look like "a big Harry Potter wizard"! But that is not the only British reference I have. Bangers and mash. Toad in hole. Spot on. Tally ho. Bob's your uncle. Taking the mickey. Posh Spice. To the Queen!
As you readers may know, I like to compare myself to a young, up-and-coming comedian, especially when I face difficulties in my life. It helps me feel better and make sense of things. Often that comedian Kathy Griffin. Though recently it was Patton Oswalt. During this short period of disappointment for me, my comedian is Conan O'Brien:
" . . . despite this sense of loss, I really feel this should be a happy moment. Every comedian...every comedian dreams of hosting The Tonight Show and for seven months, I got to do it. And I did it my way with people I love. I do not regret one second of anything that we've done here.
[ . . . ]
"And all I ask is one thing, and this is, I'm asking this particularly of young people that watch: please do not be cynical. I hate cynicism. For the record, it's my least favorite quality. It doesn't lead anywhere. Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get. But if you work really hard and you're kind, amazing things will happen. I'm telling you. Amazing things will happen. I'm telling you. It's just true."
I do not regret anything I did, said, or felt. I am so proud of myself, of the actions I took, and of the courage I continue to have.
I don't hate cynicism. I think it can be healthy in manageable doses. I truly never expected to be here, being so open and honest with myself and with others. I have been working really hard for my entire life, and I do believe amazing things will happen for me. Yet, even though I am continuing my search and I am wholeheartedly driven to do so, I don't have confidence that I will find what I am looking for. I doubt that I will ever "host The Tonight Show", not even for seven months.
I wish more people were honest about the myth of pulling yourself up by your bootstraps, or taking lemons and making lemonade. Some people aren't even given boots or lemons, but somehow they are pulling and standing and trying their hardest to make juice. Though the truth is, you could work really hard and do everything right, but there is a great possibility that you will fail over and over again. And you get tired. And every time, the protective shell that you had peeled off to trust and let people in just grows back tougher and more impenetrable.
Justin Shenkarow? The kid from Eerie, Indiana and Picket Fences?
To my surprise and delight, he is going to be featured on current favorite show on Bravo, The Millionaire Matchmaker, next Tuesday at 10/9 Central. Excitement!
If only we could discover whatever happened to Austin O'Brien.
One of the worst ideas Congress has ever passed, and that's saying something. I would like to know which Senators and Representatives have been planning for their the demise of their wealthy relatives in 2010.
I often encounter people who ask me for advice. Some of these people are friends, and many are strangers (or, friends you haven't met yet). Usually my suggestions are context-based and tailored to the other person's personality and objectives.
However, readers, I have two statements that can be applied to most areas of your life. The first comes from an episode of Sex and the City after Miranda learns that she is pregnant with Steve's baby. The second comes from my own life experience with those who have not yet gotten the help they need:
"You know what, Intelligence community? Meet me at Camera 3. All right. I know you guys are busy. Those 300 million Americans can't wiretap themselves."
"It's rare that we find anyone that we want to be a part of Frangela - but reading Steve the Penguin was like talking to our other girlfriend. Mahlena-Rae is that voice inside all of our heads - wishing for more, wanting more - sometimes scared and sometimes crazy. Mahlena-Rae Johnson has done what few authors have been able to do; she has created an experience, a journey that feels familiar and real and yet, takes you places you don't ever expect. We loved it!"
- Frances Callier and Angela V Shelton aka Frangela
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"If you want to see how Bianca Reagan deals with maintaining a fast-paced life of an Angeleno, catching up with old friends, and exploring feelings for an old crush all within a week, then pick up this book and read it!"
"...what woman doesn’t want to find her Steve the Penguin? The Steve to their Miranda?...That guy who will keep that egg warm while us girls are out looking for food...
If you want to read a fun book with that is filled with wit and humor then you must check out Steve the Penguin."
"First-time author Mahlena-Rae Johnson weaves the story of a 20-something-year-old television junkie turned Hollywood executive assistant preparing for her trip back to her childhood home of St. Thomas for a high-school reunion."
"If you like fun, funny romantic comedies, then trip attractively over to your local quirky independent bookstore in your funky scarf - and while not noticing the diamond-in-the-rough, nerdy cashier who really likes you - flirt with the unavailable, self-absorbed zine-writer shoplifting organic chocolates by the cash register- and BUY THIS BOOK!" - Maria Bamford, Comedian of Comedy
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"'Steve the Penguin' is the literary companion to ABC’s Ugly Betty."
"In her debut novel Steve the Penguin, Mahlena-Rae Johnson doesn't reinvent the formula but rather creates an original heroine within the Single Gal genre...
Mahlena-Rae Johnson is an original, new voice in the genre..."
"Mahlena captures the stress and self-doubt I think most of us feel at the prospect of facing people we haven't seen in years, and thereby facing a version of ourselves we haven't seen in years . . .
. . . I highly recommend checking out Mahlena's book -- and Bianca's blog, which is full of musings about all things political and cultural -- some serious, some irreverent, and some completely hilarious."
"Steve the Penguin is definitely a witty, charming, must-read. I recommend this book to anyone out there searching for Mr. or Mrs. Right, or anyone who has enjoyed The Devil Wears Prada, Sex in the City reruns, Girlfriends, pop culture or 'pop politics' in general, and anyone out there who has ever 'dreaded their high school reunion.' "
"Steve the Penguin opens the door to the mysterious lives of Young Single Adults--those of us who didn't get married and have children back when all of our friends and siblings did--and now have to face their pitying/condescending stares as we return to our ten-year high school reunions without a date . . .
Steve the Penguin is fun at the same time that it brings the reader's attention to social and societal issues and attitudes. While you think you're getting some light reading in, you actually get a bit of heavy thinking done as well."
"Johnson is in her element when she tackles the issues facing young women-- friendships, body image, men and the nerve-wracking hell that is high school reunion time. This book's greatest strength is its well-written characters and relationships, in particular female friendships . . .
If you’re a fan of fast-paced, witty dialogue ala Buffy the Vampire Slayer, then Mahlena-Rae Johnson’s style is up your alley. Pop culture references pepper the pages and inject an even more ‘real’ edge to Bianca’s world . . ."
