Friday, March 28, 2008

Picks and pans

Award-Winner Spike Lee Blazes New Trails in Acceptance-Speech Racial Tension, from Defamer.

I had given up on Mr. Lee after sitting through Bamboozled and avoiding She Hate Me on principle alone (note to Spike: lesbians don't line up to have sex with men). Now he's back to making some sense.


Making girls skinnier, one Sweet Valley High book at a time, by Jessica at Feminisiting.

. . . it seems that Random House is re-releasing the series with a new modern twist: skinnier twins . . .

In a side-by-side column comapring the 1983 version of the book with the present one, publishers write that the previous characters were a "perfect size 6." Now, they're a "perfect size 4." Charming.

Yes, this is terrible. However, the article did lead me to the insightful comments following the original Gawker post. It also led me to these sites: The Dairi Burger, and Elizabeth and Jessica are better than you. by 1bruce1. Oh, the hilarity. Here is my favorite recap so far: SVT Super Edition #4: The Unicorns Go Hawaiian. Ellen is funny!


Speaking of funny, two of today's three Steve Harvey Strawberry Letters:

Strawberry Letter #2 Subject: I Thought My Behind Wiping Days Were Over

Good morning Shirley, Steve, Tommy and welcome back Carla. I listen to your morning show faithfully and besides the prank phone calls the Strawberry letters are my next favorite thing about the show. I never thought in a million years that I would be writing to get help. Here's my problem. My husband and I have been married for almost two years, we've been together for seven. My husband and I have gone through good and bad times, but from where my husband has come from and where he is now I thank God. He is a loving husband and father (to children that aren't biologically his) and will do anything for his family to make sure that we have what we need. And I love him for that.

My problem is do I love him enough to continue to wipe his behind when he goes to the bathroom and does number 2? My husband has put on a few pounds since we've been together and he can't reach back there and anymore (his short arms don't help). I can't even tell you how it started or why it's continues. All I keep thinking about is in sickness and in health to death due us part. It's making me sick, affecting my health and I'm about to die. Even our daughters make fun of him now. Like if he's in the bathroom and he calls my name they say "mom, dad can't wipe himself again." And I thought we were being so discreet, but I guess they can hear me in there saying "Oh my God, this don't make no sense." I don't know, it's like automatic now. I don't think he even tries. I've asked him to try this way and that way and he always says he can't reach. I tell him that I'm a doggone good wife, because if anything were to ever happen to us you ain't going to find another woman to wipe your behind. Or is he?

Am I the only wife that does this for her husband? Is there a club I can join to help me to help him? Morning show as you can see in the beginning of my letter I have a great husband and I know good men are hard to come by. We're both working on losing weight. Mine seems to be coming off a little faster than his. But then I'll ask him what he had for lunch and he'll say somehting crazy. I mean his weight is coming off, but not fast enough where he can reach his own behind. PLEASE HELP. Signed BLANK AND TIRED

Strawberry Letter #3 Subject: Is My Husband In Love With His Cousin?

Dear Steve & Shirley I have a serious problem with my husband of 7yrs almost eight years he seems to be in love with his cousin. I can not get him to spend any time with me he's always on the phone with his cousin. They call each other in the morning in the afternoon and at night. If I say anything about her or the situation he gets upset. When we do go out together she calls and he sits and talk to her instead of focusing on us. Anytime I want to just sit and talk to him she calls and he leaves me and goes in our back room in the dark and lay in bed and talk to her. He recently told me that he has traded me for her. He talks about me to her and makes her feel I am this terrible person.

Last year they made plans with out me for her to come and visit he totally ignored me while she was here and everything was about her it was like he didnt even want me around. Then one night we were sitting together in our living room she gave him the eye and they got up went out side at 12:00 am to talk and left me sitting in the living room.

That was last year now this past week they planned another visit this time I didnt know anything about it until 3 days before she was to arrive he had the nerve to ask me to clean the room for her and he was taking days off from work to spend time with her. I orginally told him no I would not clean the room for her to stay in my home again after they disrespected me the first time that's when he told me they would stay in a hotel TOGETHER can you believe that. He later apologized for not telling me and his reason he claims is because I would ruin his time with her. So the cousin came they went out to eat the whole time she was here they even went on a cruise together and to the movies and wherever else each night. He would not come home until I had gone to bed because apparently she was uncomfortable being around me. They would also take a shower every night as soon as they come in something I thought was strange. She barely even spoke to me and he was ok with that he said it's my fault and I need to apologize to him and her for even thinking something is going on between them.


Sad sad people making my life look good. :)



oakling said...

Yeah, I stopped reading after the butt-wiping letter. Holy god, the vows just say you won't divorce him for being sick, not that you'll WIPE HIS BUTT FOR HIM. I feel fairly confident in saying that there is no religion on Earth that has that in its wedding vows. Other planets, maybe, but not Earth. That lady needs to grow some boundaries. Maybe go to Codependents Anonymous. It's a great place. And tell her husband to GO SEE A DOCTOR ABOUT BEING ABLE TO WIPE HIS OWN ASS.

Bianca Reagan said...

Welcome, oakling! You should read the cousin letter, too. Poor Steve Harvey listeners.