A few months ago, I posted the following heated pieces on this blog: I'm a normal person., I should share this with everyone!, and Agree to Disagree?. As an update on that series of posts, I offer this letter from the Strawberry 23 segment of this morning's Steve Harvey Morning Show (overuse of commas and exclamation points not mine):
Subject: Color Blinded Husband!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hello, I have been married for two years now, I have known my husband five of those years. But Shirley the longer you stay with someone you start to know a person, I am married to a man that is damn color struck, if I had known this before I married him, I would have second thoughts, it does not matter how a woman looks, if you are fair skin, or white she is pretty to him, we will be watching TV, and he will comment on someone which is okay, but they are always white or light skin, I was brought up not to have any prejudice when it comes to color, he has never said any woman that is medium to dark skin is cute, or pretty, it is just like they do not exist, this is so irritating to me, and get this I am a dark skin sister, I ask him all the time why he married me he say I am pretty etc, but it makes me think, but he is always saying that is a pretty red woman, I do not like that term for color (red) it is like he is lost in this color blindness, please help, Lost in and confused in South Carolina!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Shirley answered the letter in her usual levelheaded way. However, Steve had some controversial words for both the woman who wrote in and the woman's husband. The phrases "Uncle Tom" and "house negro" were used liberally. I was cracking up, not at the poor woman's situation, but at Steve's methods for dealing with this man. He suggested things like serving the husband a plate of warm cotton for dinner, putting the initials "UT" in his clothing, and placing chocolate chip cookies around the house. I like that last piece of advice for me. Yum! You can read the comments on Steve's website here until another letter appears tomorrow morning.
Your thoughts?
7 comments:
I would say that Steve Harvey has a lot of nerve, seeing as how he speaks in a fake "ghetto" accent when it suits his purpose. His comments do more to damage African Americans than anyone I can think of. And even worse, he is not funny.
As for this husband, he might think he gets a free pass since he married a dark skinned woman. "Obviously I like dark skinned women, I married one!"
But if that's not the case, I don't think it's racist to be attracted to light skinned women. If that's what he likes, that's what he likes, he's not racist or an Uncle Tom, he's just a dude who likes that. You wouldn't call a guy who just likes red heads a racist, but I've met guys that do. It's the same thing. Not everything is about race. But more importantly, Steve Harvey is a bald fool.
Thanks for your comment, irwin! First, before you stand behind your assertion that "a guy who just likes red heads" is the same thing as a guy who prefers light skinned women, I suggest you read The Color Complex: The Politics of Skin Color Among African Americans. I also refer you to Our Kind of People: Inside America's Black Upper Class. If you don't like reading, you can watch Spike Lee's School Daze (where the title of this post came from) and Jungle Fever. The latter includes appearances by Ossie Davis and Ruby Dee, along with Samuel L. Jackson and Halle Berry as crackheads. Fun!
Simply put, it's not the same thing. The light skin vs. dark skin thing is not unique to the black community either. It's present in any community that was colonized/destroyed by European explorers/genocidal maniacs. Try bringing up skin color on Sepia Mutiny and see what reaction you get. It not just desis either. It's all over Central America, South America, Southeast Asia, Australia.
Back to Steve Harvey. I wouldn't call him a bald fool. He does a lot of good for black people and Americans in general. I do disagree with lots of things he has said on his shows, but I do think he is funny, for the most part.
So you're telling me that it's impossible for a black man to prefer a certain type of woman without it being a big deal? Man, that's rough. I'd hate to be labeled some sort of white Uncle Tom cause I've gone out with Asian girls.
You know, when all you do is think about race, then every problem that comes up becomes about race.
And let me remind you again, this guy MARRIED a dark-skinned woman! Even he gets shit! Unbelievable.
Steve Harvey has done nothing good for America. He is anti-personal responsibility and pro-blame everyone else. And he is bald, that is not up for debate. He has 3 wigs - short fro, medium, and high flat top.
So you're telling me that it's impossible for a black man to prefer a certain type of woman without it being a big deal?
Yes, that is what I'm telling you. You really need to watch those movies and read those books I suggested. It would be more effective than my lecturing you. I also refer you to Black Men Revealed, a show I hope comes back to TV One. I wrote about it earlier this year.
Additionally, the term "Uncle Tom" is racially and contextually specific, so no one would call you that since you're white. And straight. So you don't really have anyone to sell out. Unless you're some other religion besides Protestant Christian, then maybe. I also refer you to David Krumholtz's character in Liberty Heights who dyed his hair blond because he was embarrassed to be Jewish. He could be called a Jewish Uncle Tom. But I wouldn't call him that because I love David Krumholtz, regardless of whom he is playing.
Other people, who aren't sensitive like I am, might say that you have yellow fever if you prefer Asian women, not if you've just dated some. That's another subject that could take a while to unpack, esp. considering that I've had multiple friends who are Asian women who have been fetishized by certain creepy white guys because they were Asian. I'm not saying you should be lumped in with those creepy white guys, so I'll move on now.
It's easy for some people not to think about race, because as white people, they are the default race in America. The rest of us nonwhite people--and aware white people--know better. Race plays a part in almost aspect of American life, whether you recognize it or not. Why do you think the majority of the US federal budget is going to the illegal invasion and occupation of Iraq? Those aren't white people over there, and there's lot of oil other places, too.
What kind of husband says to his wife, "I think you're pretty, but look at all those light-skinned women I didn't marry! Now they're pretty!"? There is no need for any man in a committed relationship to constantly point out other people he is attracted to, regardless of their race, color or gender. Who does that?
Steve Harvey has done nothing good for America.
Nothing? Have you not seen The Original Kings of Comedy? One time, I made Chrissy watch the last half of the Comedy Central version. She laughed occasionally. Also, Steve helped out with publicizing today's Jena 6 Rally and March. That was good for America.
Why are you hating on the bald? You're not getting any younger yourself, buddy; those wrinkles will start knocking on your door soon enough. And you know who else is bald? Ron Howard. And he made Apollo 13. Ya burnt!
I'm not hating on the bald, I'm hating on a guy who puts on a fake accent and wigs and then says he "keeps it real".
Bianca, I don't even know where to start with you. If you think race plays a part in almost every aspect of America, then, jeez...I guess you and Donovan McNabb will live happily ever after.
Yes, I've seen those movies, and I've heard these things before. Unfortunately, what you don't understand, is that sometimes people are just attracted to people. And sometimes those people have a different color skin, and sometimes that has absolutely nothing to do with it. I've gone out with many different races and ethnicities - white, chinese, philipina, black, jewish...and I could give a crap about it, you know why? CAUSE I LIKE WOMEN! And it doesn't matter what their skin looks like, it only matters who they are and if they don't annoy the shit out of me.
And another thing, me and the girl I'm dating talk about who we think is attractive all the time. So to answer your question: I do that. She doesn't take it as an insult, and neither do I. Are we supposed to ignore attractive people? No, we acknowledge it and talk about it like we talk about anything else. Why pretend there aren't attractive people?
I wish you would try not looking at every situation and assigning the racial component to it. Isn't it possible that the war is not about white people stomping on dark people, but actually about an enormous energy burning nation conquering an energy rich nation? Isn't that possible?
Poor black men. Sometimes you just like a girl, you know? But I guess not in your world.
I don't know Donovan McNabb personally, but I'm not into professional athletes.
it doesn't matter what their skin looks like, it only matters who they are and if they don't annoy the shit out of me.
Oh, to be the lady that lands you. :)
Again, this isn't really about you; it's about the concept of black men who prefer light-skinned women, and the history that precedes that preference. If you read the Color Complex book, you'll have a better understanding of what I'm talking about, and why the history of colorism in nonwhite communities is so hurtful, especially to the women of all shades in those communities.
I wish you would think more about the racial components of more situations. I also wish I had a palomino pony like Mr. Ed; talking is optional.
Isn't it possible that the war is not about white people stomping on dark people, but actually about an enormous energy burning nation conquering an energy rich nation?
I think both of those possibilities are true, amongst many others. This isn't a zero sum game. We can both be correct.
Poor black men indeed. No matter who they date or want to date, someone will hate on them for it. But in this respect, I don't feel that bad for them. Why? Because I'm a black woman, and I've already talked about why I'm much worse off in this arena than other people. But for some semi-related giggles about how lookism affects women, I'll link to this Racialicious article, too.
Also, it's okay if we disagree. I still think you're funny sometimes.
Bianca, you have the patience of a saint.
Like you, Bianca, I too believe that power dynamics in the wider culture affect every aspect of who we are, what we prefer, etc. That is, people of all races are taught that lighter skin, European features, fine straight hair etc are preferable. Did you see that wonderful video that was circulating a while back where the young woman redid the experiment with the white and black dolls? It was heartbreaking to see the evidence that young African-American children internalize before they can barely talk that the black doll is the 'bad' doll 'because it's black.'
You can notice echoes of colorism among European-descended people, in the preference for blond hair over dark, light eyes over dark, etc. This shows up in things like fairy tales and children's stories, where the good princess is usually blond--Snow White is an exception, but, you know, she's WHITE. I mean, her skin being "snow white" is made a HUGE deal of.
Anyway, not to derail the focus on colorism in African American communities or other communities of color. It's just that I hear these arguments all the time about fat--fat people just ARE ugly, don't you know? That's why no one finds us attractive. The "preference" for thinness or "fitness" couldn't possibly have anything to do with the way that fat people are constantly vilified in the media, you never see fat women in movies or on TV unless they are being ridiculed or hated on, etc. etc. Our partner preferences are shaped by the culture that surrounds us, including by the power dynamics within it, and anyone who thinks otherwise is fooling themselves. Which is not the same thing as saying that we can or should CHANGE our preferences at the drop of a hat or that we should partner with people we DON'T find attractive. What would be the point in that? But at a minimum we should be willing to explore WHY we like the things we like, rather than just accepting preferences for, say, race, body size, hair/eye color, breast size, or penis size (! watch out Irwin!) as givens.
Not to mention, geez, how that kind of thing can turn people into objects really quickly. That's why I think it's tasteless and immature to constantly be discussing around your partner who in your immediate vicinity or on TV or whatever you think is "cute" or "hot." It's perfectly possible to find a stranger attractive without having to inform anyone else of that fact. Grown-ups do it all the time.
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