Confirming what we already knew.

School Ties, by Bill Keith, Out magazine.

Josh Schwartz just needs to write that Very Special Episode episode where Chuck and Nate introduce Dan to the Long Island Ice Tea, and include him in their secret love that dare not speak its name.

What? It's already in the books, sort of!

I do have one qualm with the article: Chuck has not "bedded both leading ladies". That was Nate.

Also, look, Marco's out!

"I don't want an angry woman in the White House."

Well, I do.

That's what I said, Tina Fey! We do get things done!

Also, Mike Huckabee needs a hug. Not from me, though.

btw, beside Carrie Underwood's performances, the rest of the episode was pretty bad. Fred Armisen as Barack Obama? Lorne, no.

.

On an all new SVU . . .

I was laughing for a full minute. Joel McHale's writers are so wrong.

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"It's just something I know."

I am this close to renaming this site Henry the Penguin. Why did my friends try to hide this show from me for so long? Oh, they didn't? Okay.

Ooh, also, good morning, Baltimore! And, we're your Dreamgirls!

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Making my life look good.

From the files of Ms. Shirley Strawberry, Mr. Nephew Tommy and Mr. Steve Harvey. A universal sic is implied:

STRAWBERRY LETTER FOR TODAY

Date: 02/21/2008
Subject: My Husband Stole my Wedding RingIn Love w/ My Babies’ Daddy and My Husband’s Stepfather

In Love w/ My Babies’ Daddy and My Husband’s Stepfather I am having an affair with my husbands step father who is the father to our baby girl. He and I want to come out...... but maybe we should not because there is to much AT STAKE. I only slept with him four times. Once on xmas, twice two days when were on a family reunion trip, and of course two weeks after my husbands departure overseas. I was so lonely and my mother is dead .

My mother-in-law is so mean. She never really speaks to me. My father-in-law is so nice and kind to me. My father-in-law is the man of my dreams. He will not have anything to do with me romantically ever again because he feels guilty, but I don't. I am really hurt and now so lonely. For he is the love of my life.

My husband sends all the financial support home, along with our investments. My lifestlye is very comfortable. This is more than enough,considering the fact that I am employed also.I really don't want to let go of my lifestlye.I want to get a divorce on ground of adultery for he is with other men .I really do not want to end his career for he deserves to be what he is. A man that serves his country and "other mens". THE GUY IS GAY, GAY ,GAY, he had an affair with his step brother for several years. They were caught by his mom who is in denial. My father-in-law told me. I found this out after we were married.

I don't know what to do. But I know I love my Step Father in law. I know this is all very disfunctional, but can you all please help me to get a better understanding of this mess I have gotten into. Sincerely, All mixed up in mess!!!!

Even if this letter is fake, as some of Steve Harvey's commenters have alleged, there are still people out there who have experienced one or more of these situations. Someone has had sex with their husband's stepfather. Someone has a child whom they are pretending is their spouse's. Someone has had an affair with their stepbrother. Someone has a gay partner in the military (scroll down past the Turkish oil wrestling).

That's all.

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Babies look like fun!

Found on Cute Things Falling Asleep:



But babies are so expensive! Maybe I could get one on layaway.

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Oh, the hilarity.

First, Neil Patrick Harris Is The Greatest Fairy In All The Land, from Defamer. I do enjoy my NPH.

Second, today's Strawberry Letter 23 from The Steve Harvey Morning Show. There will be a different letter posted on the site tomorrow, so I will quote it here so you can read it, too. Emphases mine; typos, poor grammar and general insanity hers:

STRAWBERRY LETTER FOR TODAY
Date: 02/19/2008
Subject: Bi-Sexual or Just Stupid

Dear Steve: I am a african american 39 year old woman and a working mother with 2 daughters. So here is the deal…I married my "soon to be ex-husband" 3 years ago. Before I married him, he told me about some legal issues that he needed to clear up. The legal issues at the time were burlary, and hit and run accident with another car. Once we were married, I found out that the burlary charge was due to him house sitting for a bi-sexual man with a wife and children. He said that he woke up to this man trying to touch him, and he was so angry that he left and came back with a buddy and burglarized his house.

The second incident was after we were married, we had an argument over me going out with some girlfriends with our kids to have 'mommy and kids' day. I came back after a day at the park and he was gone. After I realized he was gone, I went out myself only to come back in at 1:30am and my room door was locked. He forgot that I had a key, so I went on in after I did not get a response, only to find him butter-ball naked with his underwear and my underwear on the floor in the same spot, and he was knocked-out drunk. I woke this FOOL up and asked him why is he naked in the room with my underwear on the floor, this fool said that he had them on to feel closer to me.

In August 2005, he cheated but I didn’t find out until April 2006 when I went for my pap that I had a STD. So when I confronted him, he said that he cheated back in August 2005, with a crack-head. I just want to say that I was treated, and by the grace of God, cured. Then I found out that he told one of his co-workers that he was molested as a boy and that led to all this.

Look Steve and Shirley, I know that this is strange, and I am no longer in this relationship. I had to do what was best for my children and myself. Pastors alway preach on how God don't like divorce, but I do know now that when you choose someone on your own because of where you are in life at that moment, you will pick anyone, and I am so grateful to the Lord for my spiritual convictions, because I knew after forgiving and getting back with him so many times after that, I made a mistake. Me and my girls have a better relationship and we talk about things daily. Even though I made mistakes, I am honest with my girls because I don't want them making the same mistakes I made.

Now my question is after all that, from your male point of view, and yours too Tommy: Is my soon-to-be ex-husband bi-sexual? Give it to me.

Hee hee hee! I didn't read all of the responses, but here is my favorite one, unedited:

Name: Milton Hill
Age: 39
Radio Station: WBLS 107.5 FM New York, NY

I know you asked for the Morning Crew to give it to you straight but I'm gonna put my 2 cents up in here too.... Your question as for if your man is bi-sexual should not be asked. Your question should be..."WHERE CAN I FIND A DIVORCE LAWYER QUIK! Who cares if he says he is or is not. Bro Ham done went and creeped with a CRACK HEAD! That was more than enough of a hint for you to pack yo gear and BOUNCE! Not to be incredibly criticle but what kind of stupidity are you really workin with? Leave the town you and your kids are in and don't leave a forwarding address. Tell his family that you moves to Minnesota to be with Prince and the Revolution.

Does Prince know she's coming?
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For my friend who thinks everyone is gay,

here is a pretty cool article for you:

Feminist of the Day: Ellen Page, by Jessica at Feministing. There's a 50/50 chance she'll actually read this post.

~

For my dirty old (straight) lady readers, here is the cuteness:

Zac Attack (I know, right?), by Simon Dumenco, Details magazine.

~

And for me, Mr. Tumnus in W Magazine. One of my friends had to burst my bubble on Saturday by telling me that James McAvoy is married. But we were supposed to have interspecial faun babies together! I probably should have returned his calls . . .

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Answers to the probing questions

Some of them weren't questions so much as observations, but I will address them anyway.

From Manda:

What I felt the book was missing were slice-of-life descriptions of the locales in which it is set. I wanted to be more immersed in the sensual experiences of L.A. and the Virgin Islands, especially in the juxtaposition of a smog-filled metropolis and a tropical paradise.

Bianca doesn't make deeper descriptions of LA and St. Thomas because she has grown accustomed to them, similar to a fish not knowing what wet means. However, in Book 2, Hot Penguin Action, there will be more descriptions of LA. The entire book takes place in the city, and readers will some perspective on Southern California living through Mike, since he hasn't been there before. Also, Book 4 takes place almost entirely in St. Thomas during the December holidays, and it includes a couple of characters who are eager to learn all about the island.

Also, the author, like her heroine, has a lot to say about the state of affairs in the world, whether it be entertainment or politics. However, I would have liked these opinions to have been less transparent within the context of the book. On a couple of occasions in the story, the characters became mouthpieces, and it clunked up the flow of the novel a bit.

That's true!

~

From Catherine:

She also has a warm, affectionate and sexy connection with a guy she knows only online, not in real life -- and somehow, she tolerates the fact that he says he'd never date her because she's black. I thought it was strange and interesting that Bianca was still able to be close with him despite this basic rejection of who she is.

It is strange and interesting indeed. As mentioned in the comments, their relationship is a complicated one. It becomes quite the sticky wicket by Book 5. But at the heart of it, Bianca is friends with him because he actively cares about her life and her well being, whereas other people in Bianca's life should care about her, but don't.

One day I will learn not to provide explanations for why I write what I write. But that day is not today.

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Best Valentine's Day Ever!

There was cake involved, and roses and candy hearts, and people were super nice. That made me happy. :)

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On Valentine's Day Eve

This morning I was feeling bummed because I am alone, as I have been for the past 26 years. And like Josh's mom, someone had the nerve to ask me what I had planned for tomorrow. As if I were going out on the town with the same imaginary person who had impregnated me with the food baby that my mother thought I was carrying at Christmas.

(I should really have a blog post to link to there. To make a long story short, last Christmas Eve my mother finally noticed my poochy tummy that I had been complaining to her about for a month. Then she said to me with a straight face, "Your belly is protruding. It looks like you're pregnant. Are you?")

Later I felt better when one of my friends emailed me today with positive, supportive thoughts. Also, other people in my were nice to me, and they made my day happy. :)

~

In unrelated news, I found this on Defamer: The Cosby Kids Reunite On Oprah, on Jezebel.

Quoi?! No one told me about this development. This was a total Black History Moment, and none of the advertising bothered to target me. Hello!

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Turning my frown upside down.

I was previously frowning because as I have been telling my friends, book promotion is hard. But now I'm smiling because I have new reviews to report!

Check! Out! My! Friend! Wednesday!, by Catherine Avril Morris at Of Course I Write Romance Novels. She is very complimentary, and no, I don't pay her. She described Steve the Penguin as An enjoyable read on the Amazon page.

A critical eye, by Manda at Whoa, Camel!. Manda also wrote Real Girl, Real World on the book's Amazon page.

Has it Been Ten Years Already?, by Shavon Williams of APOOO BookClub, on the Amazon page.

Also, Maria Bamford and my pal N.S.B. have each emailed me their thoughts on Steve the Penguin, so I will put them up here:

If you like fun, funny romantic comedies, then trip attractively over to your local quirky independent bookstore in your funky scarf - and while not noticing the diamond-in-the-rough, nerdy cashier who really likes you - flirt with the unavailable, self-absorbed zine-writer shoplifting organic chocolates by the cash register- and BUY THIS BOOK!

- Maria Bamford

~

A review of Mahlena-Rae Johnson’s Steve the Penguin

By Nicole Bautista

Meet Bianca Reagan. You’ve never read anyone like her.

If I had to pitch this book, my logline would be: “’Steve the Penguin’ is the literary companion to ABC’s Ugly Betty.” That’s a compliment. Obviously.

What I think sets this book apart from most other contemporary literature of the same genre is point-of-view. You might find witty dialogue elsewhere. You might find tales of the willing peon struggling to make it in the cutthroat worlds of entertainment, publishing, fashion, or whatever the case may be. But where will you find a book for young women that combines all of these things with a unique and intelligent central character, a sense of social and cultural awareness that transcends the everyday, and an acknowledgement of the challenges that real people face when starting out in the world?

Tales of the glamorous life abound. Steve the Penguin is about what it’s like to be on the fringes – learning what it takes to get there, and coming to the realization that it’s just harder for some people than it is for others – mostly for reasons that are not in their power to change. That you should persevere in the face of it, and that if no one else, Bianca would understand – is the gift that the author will give to the empowerment of young women as individuals and as a collective in today’s progressive-but-still-not-quite-there-yet society.

Thank you to everyone who has been so kind to grace me with their words, including the critical words. I will have polite responses to the questions raised the reviews, because the observations and confusions are valid. Many of them will be addressed in the now seven sequels to Steve the Penguin, but those books will take a while to generate. So I will answer the current questions as soon as I have more time.

To other reviewers: please don't be afraid post your thoughts on Steve the Penguin because they might be critical. If you didn't like the book or you didn't understand something, I encourage you to state your feelings in your review. I look forward to learning and growing. Or, if you haven't read the book yet, fear not! There is still time to enjoy the 200 pages of prose, and then type your reactions.

I'm very excited!

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For straight women who like watching The L Word,

I bring you Dominic Zamprogna. He is basically the only non-annoying straight guy on the show (scroll down to see him "representing") not to mention the only decent looking one my age. I first discovered Dominic on this episode of Are You Afraid of the Dark? So I was super excited when almost fifteen years later, I saw his name on the end credits of this week's episode of The L Word. Coolness! He was also on this Canadian show called Edgemont, which The N really needs to get a hold of so that I can watch it; it's not on DVD. Also, Degrassi can't run forever like ER insists upon doing, and repurposed reruns of Kenan and Kel are not going to cut it.

btw, in last week's episode of The L Word, Dominic's role at the pool party may have been minimal, but it was definitely memorable (wink, nudge). Harvey Keitel-esque, if you will.

Do you readers know of any other obscure 90s heartthrobs getting work? And no, Joshua Jackson is not obscure, especially not in a J. J. Abrams pilot.

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I discovered this new show.

It's called "Ugly Betty." You readers may have heard of it. My friends have been secretly watching this program for the past two years and hiding its fabulousness from me.

Oh, what's that? My friends have been telling me I should watch Ugly Betty since the show's debut in 2006? And on Super Bowl Sunday, after I mentioned that young brown performers like Bow Wow and Omarion should appear on more TV shows, all of my friends started yelling at me at the same time about the episode they were both in? Then my friends continued to be horrified when I told them the show used to conflict with 30 Rock and The Office, so it would be hard for me to catch up with it now? And my friends were still indignant when I said I felt bad going to the ABC website to watch the old episodes while the writers' strike is still going on? Hmm.

Okay, so while I was sick this week, I made another Christopher Columbus-type discovery called "Netflix." I signed up, put the first season of Ugly Betty in my queue, and I just finished episode three, "Queens for a Day," featuring self-aggrandizing director Billy Walsh from Entourage. Fun!

Also, how lovely is Jeremy Sisto in Law & Order this season? I didn't get Carrie's thing for the "Crazy Creepy Sisto" that she referenced in My Boys, but now I have my own thing for Detective Cyrus (huh?) Lupo, who's studying for law school in between murder investigations. He's trying to make a better life for himself. It's like a grown-up version of my infatuation with Charlie Conway from D2: The Mighty Ducks. I wasn't into Joshua Jackson. I was specifically attracted to his character Charlie in D2. Though not Charlie in The Mighty Ducks so much, and definitely not in D3. Charlie was such a loser in D3. And where was Brandon Adams? Was there only room enough for one black guy on the ice that time? No, I'm not counting Aaron Lohr because he is indeterminately ethnic. Why hasn't Aaron been on Ugly Betty?

Your thoughts?

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My favorite posts today:

Rest In Peace Heath..., from Chelsea Talks Smack, via A Girl Named Boo.

Vast Left-Wing Conspiracy Nearly Prevents Elizabeth Hasselbeck's Voice From Being Heard On Super Tuesday, from Defamer.

Yes, I have been a sick teddy bear for the past few days. I'm feeling very Grumpy McCrankypants. Boo. :(

.

My Super Tuesday!

Former St. Thomas resident reaches out to young adults with first book, by Ayesha Morris, The Virgin Islands Daily News.

First-time author Mahlena-Rae Johnson weaves the story of a 20-something-year-old television junkie turned Hollywood executive assistant preparing for her trip back to her childhood home of St. Thomas for a high-school reunion.

Bianca, the main character of "Steve the Penguin," must face her anxiety about being judged by her former classmates, and her fear of being the only one to show up without a boyfriend in the 189-page novel self-published by Mr. J Media.

Johnson draws on a bit of her own life story in the book. She was born in Arkansas, and moved with her mother, Edith Ramsay-Johnson, back to St. Thomas where she lived from age 4 to 17.

The 26-year-old went to V.I. Montessori School and was nominated vice-president of her sixth-grade class. She then attended Antilles School, where she was named "Most Likely to Kidnap a Backstreet Boy."

After graduating with a degree in film and television from Loyola Marymount University, Johnson decided to stay in Los Angeles to pursue her dream of becoming a television production executive in Hollywood.

Thoughts about her upcoming high school reunion next year and watching movies on the subject inspired her to write the novel.

"I've always enjoyed writing. I just didn't stick to it that much," she said.

The book was also an extension of her website, www.stevethepenguin.com, which contains Johnson's commentary on everything from pop culture to politics.

"It comes from a passion to see people better represented," she said.

"The message I want put out is that it's OK to be yourself. One of the reasons I ended up publishing the book is that there are not many novels about people in their 20s who are just normal," Johnson said. "I wanted to create a more realistic, diverse cast of characters." . . .

The article goes on from there. Look at me: I'm famous!

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He's tiny . . .

. . . for a football player. You can find more on the New England Patriots' Wes Welker here and here and here. While everyone else was checking out the Mannings, or pondering the first name and/or facial hair stylings of Mr. Burress, I spent my Super Bowl Sunday sitting on my friends' couch, remaining entranced by the (relatively) small man on the losing team. FYI, friends: he's not 5'11"; he's 5'9". So there.

I hope Wes doesn't have any warrants out, or hasn't had any assault charges brought against him, because you know how professional athletes roll. That was totally my favorite episode of Law & Order: Trial by Jury. Unfortunately his headshot does look Scott Peterson-esque. I sure know how to pick them.

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Let me tell you.

If I had been up on that stage, I would have gone off on this muckraker masquerading as a "journalist":



If you can't access the video, here is what Ms. Such and Such from Politico, whose name and title I won't bother to write inside this post, said to Hillary Clinton at the Democratic debate in California last night:

"Senator Clinton, your husband has set off several firestorms in the last few weeks in early primary states with the way that he has criticized Senator Obama.

Greg Craig, who was one of your husband's top lawyers, and is now a senior adviser to Senator Obama, recently asked if your campaign can't control the former president now, what will it be like when you're in the White House?"

If you peruse the transcript of the debate, you'll notice that there was no follow up question to Senator Obama asking him how he keeps his wife in line. In fact, there haven't been any such nasty questions posed about any of the other candidates' spouses in either party.

Hmph. This is not cool.

And, to make me even more upset about the state of crazy women talking about other women today, I read this post last night on Catherine's blog and this post tonight on Feministing. You know I had to leave comments on both. You have to scroll down really far for the latter one.

That's all.

.

I heard about this while listening to Frangela

on KTLK AM 1150: Al Gore endorses gay marriage.




If we can all reminisce about my musings during August of last year, I think we'll all understand why I really can't vote for anyone in the California primary now. At least John Edwards cared about poor people, and I'm poor. The remaining Democratic candidates are essentially the same person with different baggage. Ooh, and one is called "assertive" while the other is called "mean." I'll let you figure that one out on your own.

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Where has Elijah gone?

And how did the photographer make him look tall?

Anyhoodle, the following article immediately made me think of Stephanie:
Shia LaBeouf Models the Latest in Cow Couture, on Towelroad via Defamer.

btw, Holes is on The Disney Channel right now. I know!

Canadians and Mondays

(Reference at 4:53.)

In case the video goes away, Russell Peters informs the Def Comedy Jam audience that some white guy (and his friends) in Boston calls black people "Mondays." Why? "'Cause nobody likes Mondays."

Which leads me to this article from Feministe: But some of my best friends are Canadian!, by Jill.

How about these racists stop coming up with labels like "urban" or "well-mannered" or "tall" to discriminate against black people, and instead use that wasted energy to better themselves and get a job?

Things I liked this week

Jokes that objectify women, by Matsu at media girl.

Let She Who Is Without Period Stains Throw The First Tampon, by Margaret Cho at The Huffington Post, via Feministing.

The Slut on Gossip Girl, by Jessica Wakeman at The Huffington Post, via Feministe.

Know Your Limit . . . For Rape?, by Cara at The Curvature, via Feministing.

Montana, nation's least-black state, confronts issues on MLK Day, by Rob Chaney at Billings Gazette, via Racialicious.

How would Chris Matthews sound if he talked to men like he talks to women?, by Hart Seely at Slate, via Feministing.

Also, I am now cross-posting my relevant musings at BlogHer.com, so tell your friends in China!

Happy reading!

Update 1/28/2008 - I forgot this one:

That fragile male ego, by media girl at media girl. including privilege, a poem for men who don't understand what we mean when we say they have it, by D. A. Clarke.

. . . privilege is being
smiled at all day by nice helpful women, it is
the way you pass judgment on their appearance with magisterial authority,
the way you face a judge of your own sex in court and
are over-represented in Congress and are not strip searched for a traffic ticket
or used as a dart board by your friendly mechanic, privilege
is seeing your bearded face reflected through the history texts
not only of your high school days but all your life, not being
relegated to a paragraph
every other chapter, the way you occupy
entire volumes of poetry and more than your share of the couch unchallenged,
it is your mouthing smug, atrocious insults at women
who blink and change the subject -- politely -- privilege
is how seldom the rapist's name appears in the papers
and the way you smirk over your PLAYBOY . . .

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This reminds me of that South Park episode

when either Stan or Kyle goes the goth kids' table and asks them about death, since they've chosen "the dark side" to define their collective personality. But the goth kids don't really know about death; it's just a trend that they are following to be "different".

Warner Bros. Left With A Major 'Dark Knight' Marketing Problem, from Defamer.

And so, with two days to let the devastating news sink in, Variety now asks the inevitable question of what's to be done with Heath Ledger's final projects--the wrapped The Dark Knight, and Terry Gilliam's The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus . . .

As we pointed out on Tuesday, The Dark Knight's focuses squarely and gruesomely on Ledger's chillingly effective performance as The Joker, providing an unwelcome creative predicament for WB's marketing czar . . .

I am not fully aware of the story being told in this latest installment of the Batman movies. But if I can tell anything from the poster featured in the Defamer article, The Dark Knight is supposed to be super creepy due in large part to Heath Ledger's portrayal of The Joker. Now the gang at Warner Bros. is faced with the fact that the grotesque, macabre nature of their original marketing plan can't begin to compare with the disturbing reality: a successful young actor dying of a self-induced drug overdose before that actor had even reached his peak.

That said, let's move on to my favorite comments.

JupiterSpaw says:

Nolan in post-production reintroduces secondary villain previously left on the cutting-room floor: The enigmatic Quantum Solace!

which is a reference to this latest casualty of the writers' strike: Producers Decide 'Bond 22' Not Catchy Enough, Decide To Go With 'Quantum of Solace'.

Now for more comments.

Her Royal Empress Dr. Bufflekins III, Esq. says:

Seems like a great opportunity for the project to scale back the Hollywood hard-on for marketing everything within an inch of its life until I can't imagine wanting to see it anymore . . .

BonnieGrrl makes way too much sense by saying:

This might sound crazy -- but why not just put Batman on all the posters again? Too simple?

To see what SteamyMcFirecrotch said to give me the most inappropriate of church giggles all day, you can click here.

FYI, the Batman featured above is George Clooney, circa 1997.

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Now I can't vote for anyone in the primary.

Kucinich Drops Out, The Nation via Yahoo! News. Emphases mine.

. . . [Dennis Kucinich] has been a forceful critic of the Bush Administration, opposing the Patriot Act and spearheading the motion to impeach Vice President Dick Cheney. He is the only candidate to have voted against the Iraq War in 2003 and has voted against funding it ever since. Of all the serious candidates, only he and Governor Bill Richardson propose a full and immediate withdrawal from Iraq. And only Kucinich's plan sets aside funds for reparations. Moreover, Kucinich has used his presidential campaigns to champion issues like cutting the military budget and abolishing nuclear weapons; universal, single-payer healthcare; campaign finance reform; same-sex marriage and an end to the death penalty and the war on drugs. A vote for him would be a principled one [despite what my friends and associates have said]. But for reasons that have to do with the corrupting influence of money and media on national elections as well as with his campaign's shortcomings--such as its failure to organize a grassroots base of donors and web activists--a democratic mass movement has not coalesced around Kucinich's run for President.

.

"It's like a Gen-X 'Murder, She Wrote'."

You remember that Law & Order: CI episode I mentioned yesterday? Here's the episode's short thread on the TWoP Forums. It contains a few inappropriately humorous comments involving confusion:

That was Ethan Embry? What happened?

KFC references:

he still looked like "original recipe" Ethan Embry in [Sweet Home Alabama]

and telling observations:

Brad Renfro is police custody on both TV and in real life. He must have graduated from the Robert Downey, Jr. School of Method Acting.

.

But I haven't gotten past Mr. Renfro yet

This is what greeted me on the Yahoo! front page this afternoon:

Heath Ledger found dead.

Shocked, I had to confirm this news with the most accurate source, Defamer:

Breaking: Heath Ledger is Dead. OMFG.

Then it was official.

In a twist of weirdness, this is the aforementioned episode of Law & Order: Criminal Intent that I'm watching on USA right now. Ethan Embry is in the episode too. Score! Though he needs to do some cardio. Ethan's still okay, right?

FYI, I was going to put up the opening scene of 10 Things in which Allison Janney calls Heath "kangaroo boy." Then the bleacher scene appeared. I'm still welling up. :(

My hands are clean, buddy.

Here is the selection of Barack Obama's recent speech at Dr. Martin Luther King's old church that had me yelling at Stephanie Miller and the people who called in to support her and Senator Obama's assertions, emphases mine:

For most of this country’s history, we in the African American community have been at the receiving end of man’s inhumanity to man. And all of us understand intimately the insidious role that race still sometimes plays – on the job, in the schools, in our health care system and in our criminal justice system.

And yet, if we are honest with ourselves, we must admit that none of our hands are entirely clean. If we’re honest with ourselves, we’ll acknowledge that our own community has not always been true to King’s vision of a beloved community.

We have scorned our gay brothers and sisters instead of embracing them. The scourge of anti-Semitism has, at times, revealed itself in our community. For too long, some of us have seen immigrants as competitors for jobs instead of companions in the fight for opportunity.

Someone needs to watch Jesus Camp and Friends of God, because almost every person featured in those documentaries about crazy Evangelical Christians was white. I don't remember hearing about Black Friends of God. I don't remember the Congressional Black Caucus running on platforms of bigotry towards the LGBT community. I don't remember any black governors or senators pushing to build a fence along the US/Mexico border to keep those immigrants from "taking our jobs." I don't recall any black lawmakers even talking about Judaism, much less calling for the persecution of people who practice a certain religion, or suggesting that an elected member of Congress needs to prove his allegiance to America. I believe that the most notable people who are committed to keeping non-straight, non-American, non-Christian individuals out of the US are all white dudes. I would link, but do I really need to? I think not.

I wonder why I can't think of a bunch of black people in charge who are perpetrating institutionalized hatred and discrimination. Maybe if there were more black people running our government, more than six non-white current US Senators, or more than five black US Senators over the entire history of our country, maybe then we could get a real grasp on taking down other oppressed groups.

"They're not talking about me . . . right?"

(Reference appears at about 3:40. NSFW, as Michael found out.)

(Cross posted at BlogHer.com.)

I just finished watching Superbad this morning. I rented the movie with the impression that it wouldn't be as bad as I had made it out to be. I thought to myself, Maybe my friends are right. Maybe Superbad was "so funny". Maybe it was really a story about the relationship between two high school boys who are best friends. Maybe the message is actually about "respecting women."

Yeah, no. Not only do I stand behind everything I have ever said about Judd Apatow, Seth Rogen, Knocked Up and Superbad, I am now saying that I was being kind. The statement that I made on Feministe about last week's episode of Gossip Girl applies to Superbad as well: it was at best lazy writing and at worst both dangerous and insulting to their audience.

I could go into detail about how my assertions about the movie were correct: almost every female character was depicted as a potential sperm receptacle; every main character was a white male, and almost every supporting character was white; almost every person who speaks in the movie was white. But those realities only served to set up a context for my disgust.

Here is the premise of the movie: two teenage boys hatch a plan to acquire alcoholic beverages so that they can get two girls drunk and have sex with them.

Here is an excerpt from Section 261 of the California Penal code:

261. (a) Rape is an act of sexual intercourse accomplished with a person not the spouse of the perpetrator, under any of the following circumstances:

• (3) Where a person is prevented from resisting by any intoxicating or anesthetic substance, or any controlled substance, and this condition was known, or reasonably should have been known by the accused.

In case you haven't connected those dots yet, in California, where the movie was filmed, if you have sexual intercourse with someone you know is drunk, you can be charged with rape. Also, as I initially learned when I was leading the first-year Summer Orientation program at my university, it does not matter if you are drunk as well. If the person you have sex with is drunk, you can be charged with rape.

Even if that were not the law in California, WTF, dude? How are you going to make a mainstream movie about trying to get girls drunk so you can have sex with them? I don't care how the movie ended. I don't care that the two main characters realize that they love each other. I don't care how funny Seth Rogen thinks he is. I don't even care about the "vag-tastic" porn featured in the first scenes. I don't care that the writers created this script when they were thirteen; they are grown men now: have some perspective, idiots.

The entire time I was watching Superbad, two things were in my head. The first was certain friends of mine, all female, partially or wholly defended this movie after they saw it. These people also make up most of my readership, so, Hello friends! I have also listen to these same people make the following complaints:

• Why can't I get respect from the people in charge who are mostly men?


• Why isn't my female-dominated section of my industry taken seriously?


• Why can't I be accurately represented in the media?


• Why won't anyone hire me even though I'm obviously talented, experienced and eager?


• Why aren't more women feminists?

These same people then called Superbad "hilarious" and "surprisingly sweet", because the movie had "jokes" and the two main characters were nice to their objects of prey in the final scene. However, having Michael Cera's character Evan raising a toast to "respecting women" while he's trying to hook up with a fallen-down drunk Becca was akin to D.W. Griffith inserting a clip of Dr. King's "I Have A Dream" speech in the middle of Birth of a Nation. Both situations are ridiculous, and the latter is anachronistic.

Almost every verbal insult spewed in the movie involved attacking the other person's masculinity by accusing them of not having a penis, being a gay male, being a woman or being a vagina. The loathing of anything female became more palpable as we learned about Bill Hader's character's ex-wife, who was an actual whore when he married her. But it was Jonah Hill's "Seth" who took the cake by openly lusting for his best friend's mother; repeatedly calling Becca "a bitch" because she told their elementary school teacher about his penis drawings; and losing his mind when the adulterous stranger Seth was grinding on menstruated on his leg. The people who created this movie--the directors, the writers and the producers--clearly have a simultaneous hatred, fear and ignorance of women, quite possibly due to their respective painful adolescences. But I repeat: you all are grown men now. Don't just regurgitate your teenage fantasies on to the screen. Reflect on your thoughts and feelings with an adult mindset, then film them.

So to answer your questions, friends, this is part of the reason you are having trouble gaining success and respect. Misogyny is acceptable and encouraged in our media because it's "funny." Just because you personally can deconstruct a highly flawed movie like Superbad in your minds by separating stereotypical images from appropriate behavior in reality, does not mean that the rest of the movie's audience can. They can't even conceive of that notion. For many of the viewers--both men and women, both boys and girls--that movie is reality. To them, all girls dress like prostitutes and therefore should be ogled; girls are always naturally lubricated; girls are stupid enough to believe that a pre-pubescent teenage boy is really a 25-year old Hawaiian man with a singular name more unbelievable than Sting, and will then inexplicably have sex with said boy; girls love to get drunk, strip for you, and offer you "blow-Js"; and, if you fail to get a girl drunk to have sex with her and tell her this, she'll probably still be your girlfriend, even if you have no redeeming qualities.

The second thing I was constantly thinking about was American Pie. Same general premise, with the following notable exceptions:

1. There is no significant impetus to get anyone's sexual partner intoxicated.


2. The female characters do not need a male chaperon during their scenes. They can just talk to each other if they want. They also have distinct personalities and goals.


3. The male characters in American Pie are way better looking than the male characters in Superbad. I mean, really. You can even leave Seann William Scott and Chris Klein out of the equation, and the comparison remains striking.

That ends my Superbad rant for now. Onto Barack Obama.

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Fried chicken tacos

Obama and the Latino Vote in the NY Times, by Alisa Valdes-Rodriguez, at Multiplicative Identity, via Feministe.

. . . There are many things to admire about the New York Times. A complex and nuanced understanding of the vast diversity of Latino America is not among those things.

In a story on page A1 of the Times yesterday, reporters Adam Nagourney and Jennifer Steinhauer stated that Latinos are not going to support Senator Barack Obama in his bid for the White House because, “in Obama’s pursuit of Latinos, race plays a role.” In other words, they said that Latinos would not vote for a black man, and backed it up with nothing other than a couple of anecdotal quotes from random Latinos in Los Angeles.

The sloppy, inaccurate story goes on for 32 agonizing paragraphs, using the terms “black” and “Latino” as though they were mutually exclusive – which they are not. Historians estimate that 95 percent of the African slave trade to the Americas took place in Latin America.

To this day, the vast majority of people in the African diaspora live south of the U.S. border, in Latin American countries from Brazil to Colombia to Cuba and, yes, even Mexico. The song "La Bamba," in fact, was brought to the Veracruz region of Mexico by Africans enslaved to the Spanish. The song likely has roots in the Bembe (Bantu) culture from what is now the Congo. This is only a stone's throw, geographically, from the Kenya of Obama's father's birth.

How quickly we forget in this country. How brutally we refuse to learn . . .

That's been bugging me too. What also has been chapping my hide is the incessant drumbeat of the mainstream media insisting that black people and women are also mutually exclusive voting blocs. After listening to the cable "news" outlets and reading the major national publications--all of which are owned by corporate oligarchies--one would come to the following conclusions about the 2008 Presidential election as well:

• Older women are voting for Hillary Clinton because they felt sorry for her after she cried.
• Older black people are voting for Hillary Clinton because they want Bill Clinton back in the White House, while younger black people are voting for Barack Obama because he's younger and he gives them hope.
• Hispanic and Latino voters are all Spanish-speaking immigrants who live near the border of Mexico or in Spanish Harlem or in East LA, and they are all voting for Hillary Clinton because they don't like black Barack Obama.
• White people all over the country tell pollsters they will vote for Barack Obama, but "will secretly vote for John McCain" or some other white candidate. Why? Because either they want to impress the person doing the poll and appear "open-minded" by voting for the black guy, or they don't know that in their hearts, they are really racists.
• Barack Obama will never win the South because the South is where all racists live. No racists live anywhere else in the United States, no nonwhite people live in the South, and every white person in the South is a racist.
• Americans are not concerned with any current events or issues like the illegal occupation of Iraq, health care, the current recession, education, the mortgage crisis or the rising cost of living. Americans are only voting for Hillary Clinton because she is a woman, or for Barack Obama because he is black. Americans are only concerned with making the 2008 Presidential election a historical event because they could choose the first President who is not a white male.
• There are only two people who can become President: Barack Obama or Hillary Clinton. There are people running on the Republican side, but no one really cares about them because they are too old, too stupid, too racist, too Mormony, too lazy, too into 9/11, or too . . . wait, who are you again? Oh.
  
• John Edwards and Dennis Kucinich do not exist. In the Democratic primaries, people are voting for Barack Obama because they don't like women, or they are voting for Hillary Clinton because they don't like black people. There are no white men in the Democratic party running for President, so they must vote for Senator Clinton or Senator Obama.

Happy voting! Also, watch the Congressional Black Caucus Democratic debate on Monday night!

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Here's what I've wanted to say to the writers

since they first went on strike. But not to the gentleman featured above, because he's old, and he looks like he needs a hug:

Fringe Theory - Why We Don't Need the Man, by Angela Robinson, at AfterEllen.com.

We have the power now. We have the tools of creation and the means to distribute our work. We don't have to beg for scraps and try to cross over. We can make our own stuff and let them come over here if they want. In fact, let's break down this here and there crap and just make great, fun, moving, hilarious, intense, bold work. It'll work if we support each other and talk to each other, say on sites like this, right now. The gatekeepers are dying, slowly but surely, and now is the time for the artist to talk directly to the audience, without the middleman. And everybody can be an artist, not just the people on the panel, but each and every one of the people in the audience.

I keep wondering why the WGA members don't use all this free time to create their own network. I get StrikeTV, but seems like, "You almost got it people. Now keep going."

I think much of the problem is the sentiment that Brian Palmer expresses in his post on RaceWire, Writers Strike, But Hollywood Holds on to Shopworn Stereotypes. Latoya Peterson also discusses this in her Racialicious post, Notes on Fostering Activism - Bringing Our Voices to the Page, Stage, and Screen.

Most of the successful members of the WGA, and almost of the people running the WGA are white and male. They seem shocked and appalled that the AMPTP, another group almost entirely made up of white males, won't give them their four cents. This situation reminds me of something Ruby Dee talked about with Alicia Keys in their Iconoclasts special on Sundance Channel. She was recalling the Hollywood blacklisting of . . . a long time ago, and how the white actors were all distraught and causing themselves personal harm because they couldn't get work. But the black actors could never get work in Hollywood anyway because they were black. So the white actors (yes, all of them) moved out to New York and did theater with the black people, according to Ruby Dee. You'll have to watch the episode to feel the gravitas that Ruby Dee brings to that history lesson, because when I write about it, the story reads like I'm drunk.

Anyhoo, the point is that there need to be more nonwhite, nonmale people running the media. However, I'm not sure that Tyra is the answer:

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Look, look, look!

Steve the Penguin is now "In Stock" at Amazon.com! So order away!

Even more exciting is the SEARCH INSIDE!™ feature that is now available on Amazon. You can search inside the book, read the Table of Contents and peruse a short excerpt. Fun!

Big Update:

For those of you readers who are frustrated that the Steve the Penguin book is "temporarily out of stock" at Amazon.com, fear not! More copies are on the way.

You can also purchase individual autographed copies at The Official Steve the Penguin bookstore. It's the same book at the same price with a personalized note from me inside! Just type the message you would like inscribed in the Special Instructions box when you check out.

If you have any questions, leave a comment here, or send a email to mrjmedia [at] gmail [dot] com.

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You know it's time for the Writers' Strike to end...

. . . when a description of tonight's episode of your new favorite show includes the phrase, "after a psychiatrist has been raped in a crack house," and your first thought is, "I've seen that one already."

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I don't know how many times

I watched The Client when I was thirteen years old. I was just fascinated by the film's young debut star. I even watched the movie in French on a cruise ship. So while the following news isn't exactly a shock to me, it's still sad (via Defamer):

TMZ is reporting that Brad Renfro, star of Apt Pupil and The Client, passed away earlier today at his Los Angeles home at the age of 25. The cause of death is still unknown.

With the teen idols of my youth slowly dropping like flies, I must insist that someone inform me on the status of Joshua Jackson, Jonathan Taylor Thomas, Josh Hartnett, anyone beginning with J. I'm pretty sure Mr. Gordon-Levitt is still alive and kicking. And Joey Lawrence is almost as dedicated to fame-whoring as Mr. Singing Bee is. So those three should be okay

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I Remember!

Here's what was making me giggle yesterday: Adrian Grenier [Verbed] The [Noun] Out Of Our Commenters, from Defamer.

And subsequently the comments that follow this: Foxy Brown's Latest Victim Brilliantly Articulates Our Feelings About Celebrity, from Gawker.

Here's what's making me giggle, nay guffaw, right now: Frangela on KTLK AM 1150.

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Sunshine and Rain

(I heart Psych.)

Things that made me upset this week:

The CW's views on the roles of young women in society, as featured on Wednesday episode of Gossip Girl (at 3:23).



If you can't see the video, of if The CW has snatched it off of YouTube, here's what the closeted attempted-rapist said to the recently-dethroned Queen B:

"You held a certain fascination when you were beautiful, delicate, and untouched. But now you’re like one of the Arabians my father used to own: Rode hard and put away wet. I don’t want you now and I don’t see why anyone else would."

As I told Carrie on South Dakota Dark, Chuck's pot needs to meet Blair's kettle.

Talk about "rode hard and put away wet." Or in his case, "put away in a gay closet." What Pandora's Box of STDs is that boy dragging around in his pants?

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What is wrong with Gloria Steinem?

. . . Gender is probably the most restricting force in American life, whether the question is who must be in the kitchen or who could be in the White House. This country is way down the list of countries electing women and, according to one study, it polarizes gender roles more than the average democracy.

That’s why the Iowa primary was following our historical pattern of making change. Black men were given the vote a half-century before women of any race were allowed to mark a ballot, and generally have ascended to positions of power, from the military to the boardroom, before any women (with the possible exception of obedient family members in the latter) . . .

. . . So why is the sex barrier not taken as seriously as the racial one? The reasons are as pervasive as the air we breathe: because sexism is still confused with nature as racism once was; because anything that affects males is seen as more serious than anything that affects “only” the female half of the human race; because children are still raised mostly by women (to put it mildly) so men especially tend to feel they are regressing to childhood when dealing with a powerful woman; because racism stereotyped black men as more “masculine” for so long that some white men find their presence to be masculinity-affirming (as long as there aren’t too many of them); and because there is still no “right” way to be a woman in public power without being considered a you-know-what . . .

No wonder so many progressive non-white women don't consider themselves feminists.

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I didn't know 30 Rock was on last night, and I missed it. :(

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Janet Jackson's video for her new single, "Feedback." I have been playing the song all day almost every day for the past month. But the video needs help. And more dancing.

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Things that made me happy this week:

My friend Chrissy saved this week's 30 Rock on her DVR, so now I can watch it this weekend.

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Psych is coming back tonight!

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I got a Hello Kitty calendar. It only took me a week to realize that I would need a new one for 2008.

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I'm sure some more good things happened, but I can't think of them at the moment.

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Review #2: Penguin Boogaloo

It's my second review! Apparently someone is "fun and feisty." Thanks, Stephanie!

Big Pimpin', by Stephanie at Stephanie's Soap Box.

In other news, while you all are enjoying the ubiquitous Presidential Primary coverage, I turn your attention to the Tin Man and the blond woman with a penchant for pantsuits:

Last night on The L Word . . .

(The clip featured above is my favorite sequence from Season 4.)

How is it that Shane is completely self-destructive in every one of her relationships; Helena refuses to get herself out of jail by telling where she hid the money she stole from that scary gambler; Tina finally gave up men because she is fixated on Bette; a pushing-60 Phyllis thinks that she can do better than Joyce; yet Jenny is still the craziest person I have ever seen on TV? This includes the nutcases on every incarnation of the Law & Order franchise. And by "nutcases" I mean both "the police who investigate crime" and "the district attorneys who prosecute the offenders." Elliot and Olivia, I'm talking about you. Munch too. :)

If you missed the Season Five premiere, you can find the edited version here. For all the explicit behavior and conversation, you'll have to order Showtime from your cable provider.

Also, did y'all see the I Love New York 2 Reunion last night? "It" (scroll down to #4) is seriously giving Jenny a run for her money.

To my new readers, Welcome! Please leave comments!
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It's my first review!

Steve The Penguin, by Veruca Salt at As humorous as your humerus.

How exciting!

The best part of my weekend:

The most ridiculous part of my weekend:

Bill Bennett Praises Obama For Not Acting Too Black, by Ken Layne at Wonkette.

"He has taught the black community you don’t have to act like Jesse Jackson, you don’t have to act like Al Sharpton."

Yes, this is the same Bill Bennett who said the following:

I do know that it's true that if you wanted to reduce crime, you could -- if that were your sole purpose, you could abort every black baby in this country, and your crime rate would go down. That would be an impossible, ridiculous, and morally reprehensible thing to do, but your crime rate would go down.

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Big Announcement!

As some of you readers may know, I, Mahlena, have written my first book. It's called Steve the Penguin, just like this website. It's about Bianca Reagan Erin-Dempsey, the young, snarky pop culture enthusiast whom we all have come to love. The novel follows Bianca's journey home to the island of St. Thomas for her ten-year high school reunion. I'm self-publishing the book through the tiny company I started in 2007 called Mr. J Media. It's very exciting!

If you take a gander at the upper right corner of your screen, you can see that Steve the Penguin is now available from Amazon.com.

The book is also available at The Official Steve the Penguin Bookstore, which offers discounts for book clubs, and for bulk purchases of five (5) or more copies.

If you have any questions, or any marketing suggestions to offer, you can leave a comment here, or send an email to mrjmedia [at] gmail [dot] com.

Happy Reading!