Sunday, June 10, 2007

I feel this way, too.


Except for the part about the potbelly. That's not "as it should be."

Not so hot, by Shannon, on Personally...

...I think I'm more bothered, though, by the fact that I'm seen as not being a prospective romantic partner because of my lack of hotness. This person of whom I'm speaking is someone I've mentioned here before, the guy I had a crush on not long ago, the one that rejected me. We had become friends, and occasionally had lunch or talked on the phone. Now I realize that he turned me down simply because he doesn't find me attractive, and I'm pissed at that. He's gotten to know me; in fact, he'd gotten to know me when I admitted my attraction to him. And despite knowing me, he let my looks determine his answer. I'm not good-looking enough for him. And that pisses me off. Not because I wish he was attracted to me. Absolutely not. Shallowness is a big turn-off for me. And because I'm pretty happy with who I am, and have finally become comfortable in this body, I'm pissed because this suggests I shouldn't be happy with myself, that who I am isn't good enough. And that's a load of crap. So I'm also pissed because I let this person affect me, let him make me consider changing, let him make me feel like I'm not good enough. Which is also a load of crap.

Here's the thing: I have a good personality. I get a bit intense, a bit emotional, and sometimes my depression is more than I can manage, and I get pretty darned weepy. But I would characterize myself as being a good person overall: smart, funny, caring, loyal, thoughtful, giving, strong, and so on. And I'm not unattractive. All in all, a good package. Not "hot," but good. I'd date me!...

I'd date me, too. I'm really nice. I have exceptional earning potential. And I enjoy hugs. But I'm no Garth Brooks, so...

5 comments:

cubicalgirl said...

At what age do guys unlearn this attitude (if ever)? My dating policy was always that any guy (within reason) always got a fair shake. Some of those guys ended up not deserving that shake, and some of them didn't take advantage of it when they totally could have. Their loss. I had one boyfriend who, upon seeing him for the first time, I didn't didn't think was that attractive. But we got along well and the more I got to know him and the more I liked him as a person, the better looking he became to me (and there are actual scientific studies that back this up; I'm just too tired to try and look them up). Luckily my current boyfriend felt the same way and we're both the happier for it. I hope warmfuzzies (and you!) can find some partners with better heads on their shoulders...

Bianca Reagan said...

cubical, I'm glad you have found a compatible boyfriend. And thanks for having hope for me. It's more than I have at the moment. :( [tiny violin]

Nexus 6 said...

Dear Bianca,

I hope that the lucky man to find you has more depth than determining a person's worth strictly on looks alone.

Love,

Nexus 6

Shannon said...

Hey, cool! Thanks for posting this, Bianca! I can't help but get fired up when my words mean something to someone else. I'm flattered!

By the way, the guy I talked about in that post is now dating a "cute little Mexican girl," his words, not mine. Egads! Such a loser.

Bianca Reagan said...

Thanks nexus! I hope so, too.

And you're welcome, shannon! That guy sounds like a prize. :|