Polar bears are back in season!

Note to Judd Apatow: That's how you do tubby, scruffy guys. Not all of them have to be women-hating, socially retarded ne'er-do-wells. For additional reference, I suggest you observe Kevin Smith. Not necessarily his movies, but more his guest appearances on Degrassi.

Cliff is the best! He is now my favorite part of Ugly Betty As I told Stephanie earlier this week, you'd think I'd stay away from (polar) bears after Knocked Up, Superbad and the Daniel from Pajiba crazy situation. But apparently, I have some depth, and I can see past the pale, round, furry facade. Polar bears are back in season! There really need to be some more cute round guys of various colors on TV so I can make my brown bear/black bear/panda bear jokes.

Second runner-up: Gio.

See, Gio is about something. He has an entrepreneurial spirit. In less than a season, he created his own sandwich shop. Plus, there's this:

It's over between me and Mr. Grubstick, since he is going to Tuscon in five months to be with his baby mama. There is so much wrong with that sentence. Maybe Kenny can mop up my tears.

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An Inconvenient Truth

On Tuesday, I spent a portion of my evening yelling at my mother over the phone, expressing my annoyance at Senator Barack Obama's much ballyhooed speech.

Here is the speech: Obama Race Speech: Read The Full Text, from The Huffington Post.

Here is what caused the speech: Controversial comments made by Rev Jeremiah Wright, by Daniel Nasaw at The Guardian.

Here is the problem with the speech: The Great Conciliator, by manish at Ultrabrown.

Barack Obama’s Great Race Speech yesterday drew plenty of frothy praise and historians’ plaudits. But it was a disappointingly limited speech, projecting a static, black-and-white image of America which has little to do with its real racial makeup today.

Keep in mind that all Obama had to do was walk in, denounce Rev. Jeremiah Wright’s views without sounding like an angry black man, and not drool on himself, and the chattering classes would be rapturous. We’re at a time in political history when a politician who speaks like an adult startles us . . .

. . . there’s some truth to the Saturday Night Live portrayal of a press which fawns over Obama. The pundits are primed. The mere appearance of an adult at the table can send them into orbit. What Obama did not address in any detail: Latinos, who outnumber blacks in America. Asians. The multiracial. How multiculti the music industry and sports teams and many big city neighborhoods already are. America is not just black and white and has not been for a long time . . .

America has never been "just black and white", despite what my history text books insisted throughout my middle and upper school years. Racism didn't begin with slavery and end with the Civil Rights movement. There are countless peoples and events that came before, between and after 1492 and 1960.

Let's take Senator Obama's speech paragraph by paragraph, and ignore the passages that don't my points of view. My comments are in the brackets.

"We the people, in order to form a more perfect union."

Two hundred and twenty one years ago, in a hall that still stands across the street, a group of men [Yes, men. White, landowning men in specific] gathered and, with these simple words, launched America's improbable experiment in democracy. Farmers and scholars; statesmen and patriots who had traveled across an ocean to escape tyranny and persecution ["patriots" who then chose to exact the same tyranny and persecution on the native people already living on this continent] finally made real their declaration of independence at a Philadelphia convention that lasted through the spring of 1787.

The document they produced was eventually signed but ultimately unfinished. It was stained by this nation's original sin of slavery [and by the mass genocide of the Indians], a question that divided the colonies and brought the convention to a stalemate until the founders chose to allow the slave trade to continue for at least twenty more years, and to leave any final resolution to future generations.

Of course, the answer to the slavery question was already embedded within our Constitution - a Constitution that had at is very core the ideal of equal citizenship under the law [except for women, nonwhite people, and non-landowning males]; a Constitution that promised its people liberty, and justice, and a union that could be and should be perfected over time. [Or, the founders could have chosen not to demean, enslave, and murder their fellow human beings. Either, or.]

And yet words on a parchment would not be enough to deliver slaves from bondage, or provide men and women of every color and creed their full rights and obligations as citizens of the United States. What would be needed were Americans in successive generations who were willing to do their part - through protests and struggle, on the streets and in the courts, through a civil war and civil disobedience and always at great risk - to narrow that gap between the promise of our ideals and the reality of their time. [No, what we needed was for our country not to be founded by successive groups of hypocritical, self-entitled, homicidal maniacs. Who in their right mind thinks to themselves, "you know what would be a great idea? Let's import some people from Africa, not pay them, and then kill off all these other brown folks squatting on our land." Was there no one to tap Thomas Jefferson on the shoulder and say, "How about you take some time away from impregnating your wife's half-sister, whom you own, and get a clue?]

The fun doesn't stop here, people. Keep reading!

I am the son of a black man from Kenya and a white woman from Kansas. I was raised with the help of a white grandfather who survived a Depression to serve in Patton's Army during World War II and a white grandmother who worked on a bomber assembly line at Fort Leavenworth while he was overseas. I've gone to some of the best schools in America and lived in one of the world's poorest nations. I am married to a black American who carries within her the blood of slaves and slaveowners - an inheritance we pass on to our two precious daughters. I have brothers, sisters, nieces, nephews, uncles and cousins, of every race and every hue, scattered across three continents, and for as long as I live, I will never forget that in no other country on Earth is my story even possible. [Really? No other country on Earth? Not even Canada?]

But the remarks that have caused this recent firestorm weren't simply controversial. They weren't simply a religious leader's effort to speak out against perceived injustice. Instead, they expressed a profoundly distorted view of this country - a view that sees white racism as endemic [It's not endemic; it's institutionalized.], and that elevates what is wrong with America above all that we know is right with America; a view that sees the conflicts in the Middle East as rooted primarily in the actions of stalwart allies like Israel, instead of emanating from the perverse and hateful ideologies of radical Islam.

That last phrase is both inaccurate and inflammatory. I agree that the conflicts in the Middle Ease are not rooted primarily in the actions of the people of Israel. However, the conflicts in the Middle East should not be blamed on "radical Islam" either. That was an irresponsible characterization. I have never heard such phrases as "radical Christianity", "radical Hinduism" or "radical Buddhism" ever uttered in American media. But I can't swing a dead cat without hitting a political pundit shouting the phrase "radical Islam" or "Islamofascist". The situations in the Middle East are very complicated. It is not fair to label Israelis or Palestinians or Jews or Muslims or Arabs or Americans, or any combination of the above as the sole cause of centuries of tension and instability.

Next.

As such, Reverend Wright's comments were not only wrong but divisive, divisive at a time when we need unity; racially charged at a time when we need to come together to solve a set of monumental problems - two wars, a terrorist threat, a falling economy, a chronic health care crisis and potentially devastating climate change; problems that are neither black or white or Latino or Asian, but rather problems that confront us all.

These problems do confront us all. However, economic inequality and the chronic health care crisis have disproportionately affected the black and brown communities for years, decades even. Yet now that these issues are affecting more white people, suddenly they are newsworthy problems to be addressed by Presidential candidates?

Given my background, my politics, and my professed values and ideals, there will no doubt be those for whom my statements of condemnation are not enough. Why associate myself with Reverend Wright in the first place, they may ask? Why not join another church? And I confess that if all that I knew of Reverend Wright were the snippets of those sermons that have run in an endless loop on the television and You Tube, or if Trinity United Church of Christ conformed to the caricatures being peddled by some commentators, there is no doubt that I would react in much the same way.

Why didn't you address this sooner, before it became the major news story of the month? You've only known the man twenty years. One of your aides could have told you, "this guy is going to present a problem."

That has been my experience at Trinity. Like other predominantly black churches across the country, Trinity embodies the black community in its entirety - the doctor and the welfare mom, the model student and the former gang-banger. Like other black churches, Trinity's services are full of raucous laughter and sometimes bawdy humor. They are full of dancing, clapping, screaming and shouting that may seem jarring to the untrained ear. The church contains in full the kindness and cruelty, the fierce intelligence and the shocking ignorance, the struggles and successes, the love and yes, the bitterness and bias that make up the black experience in America.

Did you really need to cite "the welfare mom" and "the former gang-banger"? Was that necessary? FYI, welfare moms and gang bangers are prevalent in every other community as well. Don't you watch Law & Order?

But race is an issue that I believe this nation cannot afford to ignore right now. [I agree.] We would be making the same mistake that Reverend Wright made in his offending sermons about America - to simplify and stereotype and amplify the negative to the point that it distorts reality.

A lack of economic opportunity among black men, [but not among black women?] and the shame and frustration that came from not being able to provide for one's family, contributed to the erosion of black families - a problem that welfare policies for many years may have worsened. And the lack of basic services in so many urban black neighborhoods - parks for kids to play in, police walking the beat, regular garbage pick-up and building code enforcement - all helped create a cycle of violence, blight and neglect that continue to haunt us.

And occasionally it finds voice in the church on Sunday morning, in the pulpit and in the pews. The fact that so many people are surprised to hear that anger in some of Reverend Wright's sermons simply reminds us of the old truism that the most segregated hour in American life occurs on Sunday morning. That anger is not always productive; indeed, all too often it distracts attention from solving real problems; it keeps us from squarely facing our own complicity in our condition [Complicity? I didn't do anything wrong!], and prevents the African-American community from forging the alliances it needs to bring about real change. But the anger is real; it is powerful; and to simply wish it away, to condemn it without understanding its roots, only serves to widen the chasm of misunderstanding that exists between the races. [That's right!]

In fact, a similar anger exists within segments of the white community. Most working- and middle-class white Americans don't feel that they have been particularly privileged by their race. [Ha! They are so wrong.] Their experience is the immigrant experience - as far as they're concerned, no one's handed them anything, they've built it from scratch. [Yes, "as far as they are concerned".] They've worked hard all their lives, many times only to see their jobs shipped overseas or their pension dumped after a lifetime of labor. They are anxious about their futures, and feel their dreams slipping away; in an era of stagnant wages and global competition, opportunity comes to be seen as a zero sum game, in which your dreams come at my expense. [I feel that way, and I'm not white.] So when they are told to bus their children to a school across town; when they hear that an African American is getting an advantage in landing a good job or a spot in a good college because of an injustice that they themselves never committed; when they're told that their fears about crime in urban neighborhoods are somehow prejudiced, resentment builds over time.

Like the anger within the black community, these resentments aren't always expressed in polite company. But they have helped shape the political landscape for at least a generation. Anger over welfare and affirmative action helped forge the Reagan Coalition. Politicians routinely exploited fears of crime for their own electoral ends. Talk show hosts and conservative commentators built entire careers unmasking bogus claims of racism while dismissing legitimate discussions of racial injustice and inequality as mere political correctness or reverse racism. [Where would Stephen Colbert be without them?]

Just as black anger often proved counterproductive, so have these white resentments distracted attention from the real culprits of the middle class squeeze - a corporate culture rife with inside dealing, questionable accounting practices, and short-term greed; a Washington dominated by lobbyists and special interests; economic policies that favor the few over the many. [That's what I'm saying!] And yet, to wish away the resentments of white Americans, to label them as misguided or even racist, without recognizing they are grounded in legitimate concerns - this too widens the racial divide, and blocks the path to understanding. [But some white (and nonwhite) Americans' resentments are misguided and racist. Didn't you see the Goobacks episode of South Park?]

For the African-American community, that path means embracing the burdens of our past without becoming victims of our past. It means continuing to insist on a full measure of justice in every aspect of American life. But it also means binding our particular grievances - for better health care, and better schools, and better jobs - to the larger aspirations of all Americans -- the white woman struggling to break the glass ceiling, the white man whose been laid off, the immigrant trying to feed his family. [But black people have always dealt with those things, too, often at the same time.] And it means taking full responsibility for own lives - by demanding more from our fathers, and spending more time with our children, [My father died, and I don't have any children. Therefore, I will continue not to take any responsibility for my own life.] and reading to them, and teaching them that while they may face challenges and discrimination in their own lives, they must never succumb to despair or cynicism; they must always believe that they can write their own destiny.

This time we want to talk about the shuttered mills that once provided a decent life for men and women of every race, and the homes for sale that once belonged to Americans from every religion, every region, every walk of life. [Except that many of those homes belonged to blacks and Latinos, including the rich ones.] This time we want to talk about the fact that the real problem is not that someone who doesn't look like you might take your job; it's that the corporation you work for will ship it overseas for nothing more than a profit. [That's right!]

That's all of the nit-picky snarkiness I can muster for now.

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Have you been watching High School Reunion?

Well, I have. And wow. This concept was kind of acceptable back in the early 00s, when it was on The WB for two seasons, and the casts went to a McMansion in Hawaii for their respective ten-year reunions. Okay, technically in the second season, three of the women had been sophomores when the rest of cast was in their senior year. Also, one of the guys in the house didn't even go to their school.

But back to my point. The people in the WB version of the show were in their late 20s. So it was kind of like a Real World reunion show, and you could maybe understand why they would let themselves get roped into a contrived reality series. Now that High School Reunion is on TV Land, and the show is trying to reach a more "mature" (ha!) audience, the cast members are going their 20th high school reunion. It's the same two weeks on a Hawaiian island with manufactured drama that somehow the classmates never see coming. For instance, on the first episode, Mike "The Rebel" is shocked that his ex-wife Lana "The Drama Queen" has deigned to show up at the house, even though they both graduated from the same high school in the same year. Then in this week's installment, the whole house can't believe that Steve "The Backstabber"--Mike's ex-best friend who slept with his ex-wife--has just arrived at the reunion, too.

People, you are on a television show! This isn't the first episode of Survivor back in 2000 when you could be semi-surprised at the producers' plot twists. What did you expect? A relaxing vacation with a few of your aging friends? That doesn't sell ad time. You all are grown-ups in your late 30s. If, as Matt "The Jock" has expressed on camera, you don't want your kids to see you acting a fool, then don't go on the show!

I hope you readers don't see me in eleven years on Season 14 of High School Reunion, trying to figure out why "The Stud" still thinks every woman in the house, including "The Lesbian", should be falling all over themselves to take him out on a Hall Pass. That is unless I'm the host of the show, like that guy they got rid of after the first season. Now that would be lovely; I would get paid to ask the inappropriate questions and stir up the drama. Plus, I wouldn't have to live in the actual house. TV Land had better put me up in a luxury hotel suite, far far away from those nutters. :)

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One nation under God

I received the following email in my Inbox today. It's not the first inflammatory forwarded message I have received. Though it is the first one I have posted here, which I must say demonstrates notable restraint on my part.

Subject: FW: FW: Muslims

Subject: Scary but real

Scary, and too real!!!

This is very interesting and just a bit scary

... But is it scary enough to generate something

besides talk? I'm afraid far too many Catholics,

Protestants, and Jews will wait until it hits them

upside the head on a very personal level before they

will do something besides talk about it. But by then

it will be too late.

The Muslim religion is the fastest growing

religion per capita in the United States, especially

in the minority races!!!

Allah or The Lord Jesus Christ? .. By Rick

Mathes

Last month I attended my annual training

session that's required for maintaining my state

prison security clearance. During the training

session there was a presentation by three speakers

representing the Roman Catholic, Protestant and

Muslim faiths, who explained each of their beliefs

I was particularly interested in what the

Islamic Im am had to say. The Imam gave a great

presentation of the basics of Islam, complete with a

video. After the presentations, time was provided

for questions and answers.

When it was my turn, I directed my question to

the Imam and asked: 'Please, correct me if I'm

wrong, but I understand that most Imams and clerics

of Islam have declared a holy jihad [Holy war]

against the infidels of the world and, that by

killing an infidel, (which is a command to all

Muslims) they are assured of a place in heaven. If

that's the case, can you give me the definition of

an infidel?'

There was no disagreement with my statements

and, without hesitation, he replied,

'Non-believers!'

I responded, 'So, let me make sure I have this

straight. All followers of Allah have been commanded

to kill everyone who is not of your faith so they

can have a place in heaven. Is that correct?'

The expression on his face changed from one of

au thority and command to that of 'a little boy who

had just been caught with his hand in the cookie jar.'

He sheepishly replied, 'Yes.'

I then stated, 'Well sir, I have a real

problem trying to imagine Pope Benedict commanding

all Catholics to kill those of your faith or Dr.

Charles Stanley ordering all Protestants to do the

same in order to guarantee them a place in heaven!'

The Imam was speechless!

I continued, 'I also have problem with being

your 'friend' when you and your brother clerics are

telling your followers to kill me! Let me ask you a

question. Would you rather have your Allah, who

tells you to kill me in order for you to go to

heaven, or my Jesus who tells me to love you because

I am going to heaven and He wants you to be there

with me?'

You could have heard a pin drop as the Imam

hung his head in shame. Needless to say, the

organizers and/or promoters of the 'Diversification'

training sem inar were not happy with Rick's way of

dealing with the Islamic Imam and exposing the truth

about the Muslims' beliefs.

In twenty years there will be enough Muslim

voters in the U.S. To elect the President! I think

everyone in the U.S. . Should be required to read

this, but with our liberal justice system, liberal

media and the ACLU, there is no way this will be

widely publicized. The most puzzling thing to me

is.. Once Islam takes over, there will no longer be

a liberal media or an ACLU, or a liberal justice

system. So in effect, they are slitting their own

throats by not publicizing this.

If you will, please pass this on to your

e-mail contacts. At least that is one thing we can

all do Then no one can say they were not warned in

time.

This is a true story and the author, Rick

Mathes, is a well-known leader in prison ministry

I replied to the sender with the following paragraph:

Muslims are not taking over. Also, Jewish people and people of other religions have more choices than "Allah or The Lord Jesus Christ?" Furthermore, Islam is a religion of peace, just as Christianity is supposed to be a religion of loving your neighbors.

What I really wanted to say was "you bleepity-bleep willfully ignorant hypocrites spouting this hate-mongering garbage, talking about Islam taking over the 'minority races'. How dare you. You should be ashamed of yourselves." But I didn't. I just wrote it behind their backs on my blog. If you're reading, hello!

This is same kind of nonsense that has permeated Senator Barack Obama's Presidential campaign. I'm all for people being proud of their Christianity and proud of their Presidential candidate. What I resent is propogandizing zealots who choose to tear down any opposing candidates or points of view, or in both cases, other religions.

To catch everyone up, over the past few weeks and month and possibly years, there have been repeated accusations that Senator Obama is a Muslim. Instead of saying, "I'm not a Muslim. So what if I were?", Senator Obama decided to adamantly state his allegiance to his Christian church, which has also come under some scrutiny lately. I couldn't find suitable links for everything, so do that Googling yourselves. Ooh, I did find the supposedly incriminating photo. Shocking!

I agree with ck's points in his post Obama: "I am a Christian." on Jewlicious:

Look, I know everyone means well. Obama wanted to correct inaccurate biographical information . . . But seriously though… what the fuck? For starters, the United States is supposed to be a country wherein there is a separation of Church and State. A candidate’s religion ought to be irrelevant. More pernicious though is the implication that Islam in the US in 2008 is a stain, like Judaism was in Poland in 1990, that will automatically render a candidate unfit for office . . .

. . . A candidate for political office’s religious orientation ought to be irrelevant in and of itself unless said candidate was running on a religious platform. Obama should have bravely declared that his religious beliefs are irrelevant and that even if he were a Muslim, this ought not impact on people’s decisions. Whatever. I’m not voting for him anyway.

What about the zealots and the tearing down I mentioned earlier? Here you go. Emphases and parentheses mine:

Black Hillary Supporters May Be Receiving Death Threats, by Marc Sheppard, at American Thinker.

Earlier this month, popular black author and talk-show host Tavis Smiley disclosed death threats he'd received from those accusing him of blasphemy against their black prophet. Then, at Saturday's Smiley-hosted State of the Black Union forum [which I taped and enjoyed], Congressional Black Caucus member Stephanie Tubbs Jones lent credence to Smiley's claim by suggesting that many black elected officials not swearing allegiance to Obama have also been the target of violent threats.

While widely ignored by the mainstream media, the implications here are nothing short of momentous . . .

For nine years running, Smiley has hosted the annual symposium of black college professors, politicians, activists, and entertainers during Black History Month discussing matters of concern to those whose heritage the month honors. This year [and last year, too!], Barack Obama declined an invitation -- accepted by Clinton -- to address the panel of black dignitaries in New Orleans. The Illinois senator and presidential hopeful's unexpected rejection prompted a disappointed Smiley to blast the decision as a "major mistake," and that's when the trouble allegedly began.

The perceived racial apostasy apparently sparked not only thousands of angry emails labeling Smiley as a "hater, sellout and traitor," but also the relentless harassment of his entire family. And, while he has yet to elaborate, Smiley has also mentioned the matter of death threats - levied for the mere suggestion that the mighty Obama had somehow erred.

That's all I have to say for now.
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Almost right, but not quite.

Jenna Fischer Will 'Piss On Your Face' If You Whisper The Wrong Sweet Nothing In Her Ear, from Defamer.

... now that she's a big star, she understandably has some choice words for the screenwriter who, a few years back, gave her shit for refusing to drop trou for him. In an interview with Playboy, Jenna tells a story about what happened after she ran into Halloween 5 screenwriter Shem Bitterman at a party one year into her move-west-and-act life plan. Apparently, her non-interest in starring in a "like, really raunchy" new film of his spurred the scribe to claim she was clearly "not a real actress." And while the old Jenna did nothing but go home and cry her newbie eyes out, the emboldened Office star has this to say to the Bitterman today:

"What an asshole, I should have told him, 'How about I piss on your face? Does that make me a real actress? Let's try that. I'll do that right here. I'll do that today.' Bring me Shem Bitterman."

The sentiment is all well and good, but Playboy? Complaining about female exploitation in a Playboy article makes as much sense as calling for a ban on firearms in Guns & Ammo.

Apparently real actresses only take off their clothes for computer magazines or for the children.

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I'm sure you readers aren't avoiders.

Or are you?

Sixteen Maneuvers to Avoid Really Dealing with Racism, by Holly at Feministe.

Which of these moves are you adept at? We all know some of them.

Confused? Feeling like you don’t understand how to execute or evade some of these maneuvers? Feel free to ask for help in the comments.

The Bootstrap Myth
“Racism is a thing of the past… this is a free country, and anyone who works hard can make it in America.”

The Backtrack
“Hey, wait a second, that’s not what I meant… I mean… you took my words out of context, don’t make it try to sound like I’m racist!”

The Remove the Right To Be Angry
“You’re too sensitive… if you weren’t so aggressive, vocal, hostile, angry, or upset, people would listen to you and you wouldn’t get in trouble!”

There's more. Keep reading!

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What is it good for?

Hope's War (first discovered by me through Showtime's Black Filmmaker Showcase in 2006) :

Returning U.S. troops suffer hearing loss in record numbers, By Chelsea J. Carter, AP via Yahoo! News.

Soldiers and Marines caught in roadside bombings and firefights in Iraq and Afghanistan are coming home in epidemic numbers with permanent hearing loss and ringing in their ears, prompting the military to redouble its efforts to protect the troops from noise.

Hearing damage is the No. 1 disability in the war on terror, according to the Department of Veterans Affairs, and some experts say the true toll could take decades to become clear. Nearly 70,000 of the more than 1.3 million troops who have served in the two war zones are collecting disability for tinnitus, a potentially debilitating ringing in the ears, and more than 58,000 are on disability for hearing loss, the VA said.

"The numbers are staggering," said Theresa Schulz, a former audiologist with the Air Force, past president of the National Hearing Conservation Association and author of a 2004 report titled "Troops Return With Alarming Rates of Hearing Loss."

Note the last line:

"You have guys that don't want to admit they have a problem," Hoffer said. "But if they can't hear what they need to on patrol, they could jeopardize their lives, their buddies' lives and, ultimately, their mission."

And what exactly is "their mission"? Yeah, I couldn't tell you either.

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Wondering if sexism still exists in the entertainment industry?

Well, someone had to greenlight these movies:

No Country for Fat Chicks, by Amy Monaghan at Radar Online, via Feministing.

Calling pretty much any Hollywood movie "a little sexist" (as Katherine Heigl did when Vanity Fair asked her about her star-making turn in last summer's Knocked Up) is like saying you're a little bit pregnant. The difference is one of degree, not kind.

Now that the Oscars are over and our first viable female presidential is floundering toward failure, it seems like a good time to take stock of sexism in our culture. That's why Radar, using Knocked Up as a mildly chauvinistic baseline, and employing the highly scientific method of surveying our girlfriends, set out to uncover the most misogynistic movies of the 21st century. (Excluded were intentionally offensive movies and any grindhouse film where coeds ended up in a woodchipper, etc.)

It's a crowded field, and getting more so daily (we're looking at you, Teeth), but here's our year-by-year timeline of the most woman-bashing films of the Oughts. So far.

My favorite one is listed first. Enjoy!

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My favorite "unacceptable racists":

(unrelated Frangela clip)

It started with this appearance on NPR: How to Revamp the Oscars: A Genius Plan.

Then came this: Listeners Fed Up with Frangela and Kvetching. Scroll to 37:20 on the clip to hear the complaints.

For those of you who can't access the audio for whatever reason--i.e., you're at work or you have computer issues--Frangela said that while watching the Oscar telecast, they were blinded by how many white people were on the screen. The next day, listeners wrote in comparing Frangela to Don Imus and calling for the two women to be fired. I don't think Frangela actually works for NPR, but no matter. Another listener wrote, "imagine if the comments were reversed, and someone said the MTV Awards were too black."

One: Which MTV Awards? The Movie Awards or the VMAs?

Two: I'm so sure the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences is thrilled to be compared with the network that brought us My Super Sweet 16 and A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila.

Frangela also said that the "98-year-old man" who received this year's Lifetime Achievement Award should have done so at an earlier ceremony, because his acceptance speech went on "for a lifetime." Ha ha! I didn't even see the show, but that's funny.

Finally, one woman got upset because to her, the Oscars are "American royalty" and the thought of revamping the show "depressed [her] as much as anything [she] had heard on NPR today."

Really? As much as "anything" you heard on NPR that day? Because on this very clip, right before the kvetching about Frangela, there is a story about a doctor trying to deal with seeing his patients die. This doctor has been diagnosed with cancer of the appendix himself. At one point, he holds his daughter while she weeps for him, then goes outside and cries by himself. Now me myself personally, I think that slightly more depressing than two comedians pointing out the undeniable fact that this year's (and pretty much every year's) Academy Awards ceremony is painfully slow and chock full of white people.

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The New Black Donnellys

I'm watching quarterlife right now. To compare this piece of trash to My So-Called Life is heresy. This show isn't even October Road-quality. Instead of my Jake/Bryan, there's a Matt Dillon lookalike, an Anthony-Rapp-in-Rent lookalike, and a Sam Huntington lookalike. Because the producers couldn't afford the actual guy who played the third Caveman from the left.

Also, someone got their first Letter to the Editor printed! Yippee skippy! It was in response to this article: Dear Generation Y: stop the violence, by Kathryn Rose at The Penn.

Although why is the occupation listed as "student"? I told them about the book! Was "author" too much?

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Confirming what we already knew.

School Ties, by Bill Keith, Out magazine.

Josh Schwartz just needs to write that Very Special Episode episode where Chuck and Nate introduce Dan to the Long Island Ice Tea, and include him in their secret love that dare not speak its name.

What? It's already in the books, sort of!

I do have one qualm with the article: Chuck has not "bedded both leading ladies". That was Nate.

Also, look, Marco's out!

"I don't want an angry woman in the White House."

Well, I do.

That's what I said, Tina Fey! We do get things done!

Also, Mike Huckabee needs a hug. Not from me, though.

btw, beside Carrie Underwood's performances, the rest of the episode was pretty bad. Fred Armisen as Barack Obama? Lorne, no.

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On an all new SVU . . .

I was laughing for a full minute. Joel McHale's writers are so wrong.

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"It's just something I know."

I am this close to renaming this site Henry the Penguin. Why did my friends try to hide this show from me for so long? Oh, they didn't? Okay.

Ooh, also, good morning, Baltimore! And, we're your Dreamgirls!

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Making my life look good.

From the files of Ms. Shirley Strawberry, Mr. Nephew Tommy and Mr. Steve Harvey. A universal sic is implied:

STRAWBERRY LETTER FOR TODAY

Date: 02/21/2008
Subject: My Husband Stole my Wedding RingIn Love w/ My Babies’ Daddy and My Husband’s Stepfather

In Love w/ My Babies’ Daddy and My Husband’s Stepfather I am having an affair with my husbands step father who is the father to our baby girl. He and I want to come out...... but maybe we should not because there is to much AT STAKE. I only slept with him four times. Once on xmas, twice two days when were on a family reunion trip, and of course two weeks after my husbands departure overseas. I was so lonely and my mother is dead .

My mother-in-law is so mean. She never really speaks to me. My father-in-law is so nice and kind to me. My father-in-law is the man of my dreams. He will not have anything to do with me romantically ever again because he feels guilty, but I don't. I am really hurt and now so lonely. For he is the love of my life.

My husband sends all the financial support home, along with our investments. My lifestlye is very comfortable. This is more than enough,considering the fact that I am employed also.I really don't want to let go of my lifestlye.I want to get a divorce on ground of adultery for he is with other men .I really do not want to end his career for he deserves to be what he is. A man that serves his country and "other mens". THE GUY IS GAY, GAY ,GAY, he had an affair with his step brother for several years. They were caught by his mom who is in denial. My father-in-law told me. I found this out after we were married.

I don't know what to do. But I know I love my Step Father in law. I know this is all very disfunctional, but can you all please help me to get a better understanding of this mess I have gotten into. Sincerely, All mixed up in mess!!!!

Even if this letter is fake, as some of Steve Harvey's commenters have alleged, there are still people out there who have experienced one or more of these situations. Someone has had sex with their husband's stepfather. Someone has a child whom they are pretending is their spouse's. Someone has had an affair with their stepbrother. Someone has a gay partner in the military (scroll down past the Turkish oil wrestling).

That's all.

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Babies look like fun!

Found on Cute Things Falling Asleep:



But babies are so expensive! Maybe I could get one on layaway.

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Oh, the hilarity.

First, Neil Patrick Harris Is The Greatest Fairy In All The Land, from Defamer. I do enjoy my NPH.

Second, today's Strawberry Letter 23 from The Steve Harvey Morning Show. There will be a different letter posted on the site tomorrow, so I will quote it here so you can read it, too. Emphases mine; typos, poor grammar and general insanity hers:

STRAWBERRY LETTER FOR TODAY
Date: 02/19/2008
Subject: Bi-Sexual or Just Stupid

Dear Steve: I am a african american 39 year old woman and a working mother with 2 daughters. So here is the deal…I married my "soon to be ex-husband" 3 years ago. Before I married him, he told me about some legal issues that he needed to clear up. The legal issues at the time were burlary, and hit and run accident with another car. Once we were married, I found out that the burlary charge was due to him house sitting for a bi-sexual man with a wife and children. He said that he woke up to this man trying to touch him, and he was so angry that he left and came back with a buddy and burglarized his house.

The second incident was after we were married, we had an argument over me going out with some girlfriends with our kids to have 'mommy and kids' day. I came back after a day at the park and he was gone. After I realized he was gone, I went out myself only to come back in at 1:30am and my room door was locked. He forgot that I had a key, so I went on in after I did not get a response, only to find him butter-ball naked with his underwear and my underwear on the floor in the same spot, and he was knocked-out drunk. I woke this FOOL up and asked him why is he naked in the room with my underwear on the floor, this fool said that he had them on to feel closer to me.

In August 2005, he cheated but I didn’t find out until April 2006 when I went for my pap that I had a STD. So when I confronted him, he said that he cheated back in August 2005, with a crack-head. I just want to say that I was treated, and by the grace of God, cured. Then I found out that he told one of his co-workers that he was molested as a boy and that led to all this.

Look Steve and Shirley, I know that this is strange, and I am no longer in this relationship. I had to do what was best for my children and myself. Pastors alway preach on how God don't like divorce, but I do know now that when you choose someone on your own because of where you are in life at that moment, you will pick anyone, and I am so grateful to the Lord for my spiritual convictions, because I knew after forgiving and getting back with him so many times after that, I made a mistake. Me and my girls have a better relationship and we talk about things daily. Even though I made mistakes, I am honest with my girls because I don't want them making the same mistakes I made.

Now my question is after all that, from your male point of view, and yours too Tommy: Is my soon-to-be ex-husband bi-sexual? Give it to me.

Hee hee hee! I didn't read all of the responses, but here is my favorite one, unedited:

Name: Milton Hill
Age: 39
Radio Station: WBLS 107.5 FM New York, NY

I know you asked for the Morning Crew to give it to you straight but I'm gonna put my 2 cents up in here too.... Your question as for if your man is bi-sexual should not be asked. Your question should be..."WHERE CAN I FIND A DIVORCE LAWYER QUIK! Who cares if he says he is or is not. Bro Ham done went and creeped with a CRACK HEAD! That was more than enough of a hint for you to pack yo gear and BOUNCE! Not to be incredibly criticle but what kind of stupidity are you really workin with? Leave the town you and your kids are in and don't leave a forwarding address. Tell his family that you moves to Minnesota to be with Prince and the Revolution.

Does Prince know she's coming?
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For my friend who thinks everyone is gay,

here is a pretty cool article for you:

Feminist of the Day: Ellen Page, by Jessica at Feministing. There's a 50/50 chance she'll actually read this post.

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For my dirty old (straight) lady readers, here is the cuteness:

Zac Attack (I know, right?), by Simon Dumenco, Details magazine.

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And for me, Mr. Tumnus in W Magazine. One of my friends had to burst my bubble on Saturday by telling me that James McAvoy is married. But we were supposed to have interspecial faun babies together! I probably should have returned his calls . . .

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Answers to the probing questions

Some of them weren't questions so much as observations, but I will address them anyway.

From Manda:

What I felt the book was missing were slice-of-life descriptions of the locales in which it is set. I wanted to be more immersed in the sensual experiences of L.A. and the Virgin Islands, especially in the juxtaposition of a smog-filled metropolis and a tropical paradise.

Bianca doesn't make deeper descriptions of LA and St. Thomas because she has grown accustomed to them, similar to a fish not knowing what wet means. However, in Book 2, Hot Penguin Action, there will be more descriptions of LA. The entire book takes place in the city, and readers will some perspective on Southern California living through Mike, since he hasn't been there before. Also, Book 4 takes place almost entirely in St. Thomas during the December holidays, and it includes a couple of characters who are eager to learn all about the island.

Also, the author, like her heroine, has a lot to say about the state of affairs in the world, whether it be entertainment or politics. However, I would have liked these opinions to have been less transparent within the context of the book. On a couple of occasions in the story, the characters became mouthpieces, and it clunked up the flow of the novel a bit.

That's true!

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From Catherine:

She also has a warm, affectionate and sexy connection with a guy she knows only online, not in real life -- and somehow, she tolerates the fact that he says he'd never date her because she's black. I thought it was strange and interesting that Bianca was still able to be close with him despite this basic rejection of who she is.

It is strange and interesting indeed. As mentioned in the comments, their relationship is a complicated one. It becomes quite the sticky wicket by Book 5. But at the heart of it, Bianca is friends with him because he actively cares about her life and her well being, whereas other people in Bianca's life should care about her, but don't.

One day I will learn not to provide explanations for why I write what I write. But that day is not today.

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Best Valentine's Day Ever!

There was cake involved, and roses and candy hearts, and people were super nice. That made me happy. :)

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On Valentine's Day Eve

This morning I was feeling bummed because I am alone, as I have been for the past 26 years. And like Josh's mom, someone had the nerve to ask me what I had planned for tomorrow. As if I were going out on the town with the same imaginary person who had impregnated me with the food baby that my mother thought I was carrying at Christmas.

(I should really have a blog post to link to there. To make a long story short, last Christmas Eve my mother finally noticed my poochy tummy that I had been complaining to her about for a month. Then she said to me with a straight face, "Your belly is protruding. It looks like you're pregnant. Are you?")

Later I felt better when one of my friends emailed me today with positive, supportive thoughts. Also, other people in my were nice to me, and they made my day happy. :)

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In unrelated news, I found this on Defamer: The Cosby Kids Reunite On Oprah, on Jezebel.

Quoi?! No one told me about this development. This was a total Black History Moment, and none of the advertising bothered to target me. Hello!

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Turning my frown upside down.

I was previously frowning because as I have been telling my friends, book promotion is hard. But now I'm smiling because I have new reviews to report!

Check! Out! My! Friend! Wednesday!, by Catherine Avril Morris at Of Course I Write Romance Novels. She is very complimentary, and no, I don't pay her. She described Steve the Penguin as An enjoyable read on the Amazon page.

A critical eye, by Manda at Whoa, Camel!. Manda also wrote Real Girl, Real World on the book's Amazon page.

Has it Been Ten Years Already?, by Shavon Williams of APOOO BookClub, on the Amazon page.

Also, Maria Bamford and my pal N.S.B. have each emailed me their thoughts on Steve the Penguin, so I will put them up here:

If you like fun, funny romantic comedies, then trip attractively over to your local quirky independent bookstore in your funky scarf - and while not noticing the diamond-in-the-rough, nerdy cashier who really likes you - flirt with the unavailable, self-absorbed zine-writer shoplifting organic chocolates by the cash register- and BUY THIS BOOK!

- Maria Bamford

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A review of Mahlena-Rae Johnson’s Steve the Penguin

By Nicole Bautista

Meet Bianca Reagan. You’ve never read anyone like her.

If I had to pitch this book, my logline would be: “’Steve the Penguin’ is the literary companion to ABC’s Ugly Betty.” That’s a compliment. Obviously.

What I think sets this book apart from most other contemporary literature of the same genre is point-of-view. You might find witty dialogue elsewhere. You might find tales of the willing peon struggling to make it in the cutthroat worlds of entertainment, publishing, fashion, or whatever the case may be. But where will you find a book for young women that combines all of these things with a unique and intelligent central character, a sense of social and cultural awareness that transcends the everyday, and an acknowledgement of the challenges that real people face when starting out in the world?

Tales of the glamorous life abound. Steve the Penguin is about what it’s like to be on the fringes – learning what it takes to get there, and coming to the realization that it’s just harder for some people than it is for others – mostly for reasons that are not in their power to change. That you should persevere in the face of it, and that if no one else, Bianca would understand – is the gift that the author will give to the empowerment of young women as individuals and as a collective in today’s progressive-but-still-not-quite-there-yet society.

Thank you to everyone who has been so kind to grace me with their words, including the critical words. I will have polite responses to the questions raised the reviews, because the observations and confusions are valid. Many of them will be addressed in the now seven sequels to Steve the Penguin, but those books will take a while to generate. So I will answer the current questions as soon as I have more time.

To other reviewers: please don't be afraid post your thoughts on Steve the Penguin because they might be critical. If you didn't like the book or you didn't understand something, I encourage you to state your feelings in your review. I look forward to learning and growing. Or, if you haven't read the book yet, fear not! There is still time to enjoy the 200 pages of prose, and then type your reactions.

I'm very excited!

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For straight women who like watching The L Word,

I bring you Dominic Zamprogna. He is basically the only non-annoying straight guy on the show (scroll down to see him "representing") not to mention the only decent looking one my age. I first discovered Dominic on this episode of Are You Afraid of the Dark? So I was super excited when almost fifteen years later, I saw his name on the end credits of this week's episode of The L Word. Coolness! He was also on this Canadian show called Edgemont, which The N really needs to get a hold of so that I can watch it; it's not on DVD. Also, Degrassi can't run forever like ER insists upon doing, and repurposed reruns of Kenan and Kel are not going to cut it.

btw, in last week's episode of The L Word, Dominic's role at the pool party may have been minimal, but it was definitely memorable (wink, nudge). Harvey Keitel-esque, if you will.

Do you readers know of any other obscure 90s heartthrobs getting work? And no, Joshua Jackson is not obscure, especially not in a J. J. Abrams pilot.

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I discovered this new show.

It's called "Ugly Betty." You readers may have heard of it. My friends have been secretly watching this program for the past two years and hiding its fabulousness from me.

Oh, what's that? My friends have been telling me I should watch Ugly Betty since the show's debut in 2006? And on Super Bowl Sunday, after I mentioned that young brown performers like Bow Wow and Omarion should appear on more TV shows, all of my friends started yelling at me at the same time about the episode they were both in? Then my friends continued to be horrified when I told them the show used to conflict with 30 Rock and The Office, so it would be hard for me to catch up with it now? And my friends were still indignant when I said I felt bad going to the ABC website to watch the old episodes while the writers' strike is still going on? Hmm.

Okay, so while I was sick this week, I made another Christopher Columbus-type discovery called "Netflix." I signed up, put the first season of Ugly Betty in my queue, and I just finished episode three, "Queens for a Day," featuring self-aggrandizing director Billy Walsh from Entourage. Fun!

Also, how lovely is Jeremy Sisto in Law & Order this season? I didn't get Carrie's thing for the "Crazy Creepy Sisto" that she referenced in My Boys, but now I have my own thing for Detective Cyrus (huh?) Lupo, who's studying for law school in between murder investigations. He's trying to make a better life for himself. It's like a grown-up version of my infatuation with Charlie Conway from D2: The Mighty Ducks. I wasn't into Joshua Jackson. I was specifically attracted to his character Charlie in D2. Though not Charlie in The Mighty Ducks so much, and definitely not in D3. Charlie was such a loser in D3. And where was Brandon Adams? Was there only room enough for one black guy on the ice that time? No, I'm not counting Aaron Lohr because he is indeterminately ethnic. Why hasn't Aaron been on Ugly Betty?

Your thoughts?

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My favorite posts today:

Rest In Peace Heath..., from Chelsea Talks Smack, via A Girl Named Boo.

Vast Left-Wing Conspiracy Nearly Prevents Elizabeth Hasselbeck's Voice From Being Heard On Super Tuesday, from Defamer.

Yes, I have been a sick teddy bear for the past few days. I'm feeling very Grumpy McCrankypants. Boo. :(

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My Super Tuesday!

Former St. Thomas resident reaches out to young adults with first book, by Ayesha Morris, The Virgin Islands Daily News.

First-time author Mahlena-Rae Johnson weaves the story of a 20-something-year-old television junkie turned Hollywood executive assistant preparing for her trip back to her childhood home of St. Thomas for a high-school reunion.

Bianca, the main character of "Steve the Penguin," must face her anxiety about being judged by her former classmates, and her fear of being the only one to show up without a boyfriend in the 189-page novel self-published by Mr. J Media.

Johnson draws on a bit of her own life story in the book. She was born in Arkansas, and moved with her mother, Edith Ramsay-Johnson, back to St. Thomas where she lived from age 4 to 17.

The 26-year-old went to V.I. Montessori School and was nominated vice-president of her sixth-grade class. She then attended Antilles School, where she was named "Most Likely to Kidnap a Backstreet Boy."

After graduating with a degree in film and television from Loyola Marymount University, Johnson decided to stay in Los Angeles to pursue her dream of becoming a television production executive in Hollywood.

Thoughts about her upcoming high school reunion next year and watching movies on the subject inspired her to write the novel.

"I've always enjoyed writing. I just didn't stick to it that much," she said.

The book was also an extension of her website, www.stevethepenguin.com, which contains Johnson's commentary on everything from pop culture to politics.

"It comes from a passion to see people better represented," she said.

"The message I want put out is that it's OK to be yourself. One of the reasons I ended up publishing the book is that there are not many novels about people in their 20s who are just normal," Johnson said. "I wanted to create a more realistic, diverse cast of characters." . . .

The article goes on from there. Look at me: I'm famous!

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He's tiny . . .

. . . for a football player. You can find more on the New England Patriots' Wes Welker here and here and here. While everyone else was checking out the Mannings, or pondering the first name and/or facial hair stylings of Mr. Burress, I spent my Super Bowl Sunday sitting on my friends' couch, remaining entranced by the (relatively) small man on the losing team. FYI, friends: he's not 5'11"; he's 5'9". So there.

I hope Wes doesn't have any warrants out, or hasn't had any assault charges brought against him, because you know how professional athletes roll. That was totally my favorite episode of Law & Order: Trial by Jury. Unfortunately his headshot does look Scott Peterson-esque. I sure know how to pick them.

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Let me tell you.

If I had been up on that stage, I would have gone off on this muckraker masquerading as a "journalist":



If you can't access the video, here is what Ms. Such and Such from Politico, whose name and title I won't bother to write inside this post, said to Hillary Clinton at the Democratic debate in California last night:

"Senator Clinton, your husband has set off several firestorms in the last few weeks in early primary states with the way that he has criticized Senator Obama.

Greg Craig, who was one of your husband's top lawyers, and is now a senior adviser to Senator Obama, recently asked if your campaign can't control the former president now, what will it be like when you're in the White House?"

If you peruse the transcript of the debate, you'll notice that there was no follow up question to Senator Obama asking him how he keeps his wife in line. In fact, there haven't been any such nasty questions posed about any of the other candidates' spouses in either party.

Hmph. This is not cool.

And, to make me even more upset about the state of crazy women talking about other women today, I read this post last night on Catherine's blog and this post tonight on Feministing. You know I had to leave comments on both. You have to scroll down really far for the latter one.

That's all.

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