Sunday, August 06, 2006

Leave your baby at home.


If you are a parent bringing your fussy 2-year-old into a PG-13 movie, maybe Child Services shouldn't let you be a parent anymore.

I was supposed to be having a fun outing with two of my closest friends watching Talledega Nights. Instead it turned into my constantly turning around and shushing the rambunctious toddler behind me who kept kicking the back of my seat and making car noises at inappropriate parts of the movie. I had thought it was bad enough that other parents had brought their 5- through 10-year-olds with them in the theater. This was not a children's movie. Unless the producers include Disney, Pixar, or whatever company assaulted the public with Madagascar, don't bring your kids! What part of the previews said, "bring your tiny offspring to this film?" The scene where Will Ferrell humps his wife on the dining room table, or the shot of him stabbing himself in the leg? Are those the type of images a parent wants their pre-teens to emulate? Because you know the dumber kids will.

I have loved children all my life, and I have worked with them enthusiastically for years. I even grew up in the capital of Bringing Your Infant to R-rated Movies, i.e. St. Thomas. I truly have sat through showings of American Pie, Phone Booth, and The Matrix Reloaded, a few rows away from women who brought babies with them that looked fresh from the oven, if you catch my drift. However, by some miracle, these babies did not annoy me at all. Yet this weekend in Los Angeles, I was ready to throw down with the highly vocal little boy behind me, and his mother, too. It would not have been pretty.

I really need to get I Hate Other People's Kids. Because sometimes...I do.

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